AIBU 65TH BIRTHDAY PARTY

[IDontHaveTimeForFoolishness]

I'm prepared to be roasted here....DH has decided that "he" wants to arrange a XXth party for his DM, sounds lovely. I don't consider it a major milestone birthday i.e 60,70, 80.

However it won't be him it'll be me (DIL) as always. I'll be the organiser, stressing trying to get it sorted as well as looking after additional house guests and visitors, with two DC and 2 pups.

Throw in TTC, as well as working full time in a demanding job, home improvements and two massive and significant celebrations at least next year (can't say which as it may be outing) and I'm feeling reluctant to take in another thing.

For context I have arranged all manner of parties for the family with little thanks or acknowledgement (I don't expect any, I do it because I genuinely love these people).

DH is well meaning, but leaves all this to me all the time, I'm too frazzled and tired right now to do this. There is a tonne of cost involved along with the finical commitments we have coming next year.

QUESTION IS AIBU to say no to this? DH is full steam ahead, but I know this will fall to me. Any advice would be gratefully received!

If it is going to cost you as a couple, then you need to agree it as a couple.
In terms of arranging it. Say no - you just aren't able to do it this time. Let him know that if he thinks this is significant a birthday to make a big fuss, then it will have to be him making the arrangements.

Personally, I'd suggest just booking a meal at a restaurant, or have them round for a birthday buffet / tea.

I'd have been a bit peeved if my lot organised a big do for my 65th, which was in August.
It's taken 5 years to get over the 60th 'surprise' party.
Then again I'm a mardy arsed, anti social old bag
However, if you think that she'll like it tell DH to get on with it himself and don't let him wriggle out of it.

Just make it clear you won't be organising or funding it.

As a comparison, DH volunteers for a community organisation which takes up a lot of his time and energy. Sometimes I pitch in, sometimes I abdicate from it completely. I don't even get involved in the conversations.

Just say you won't be involved and don't intervene let him get on with it. If he complain give him the not my idea was your plan I have a life..

be prepared to stand very firm indeed.
SIL wanted to do the same for PILs for a wedding anniversary (surely for the couple themselves to throw?). DH told her at the start that he wasn't up for any organising whatsoever, but would stump up half the cost (bearing in mind there's three siblings I think that's ok).

She agreed, but despite this STILL got the hump when he wouldn't come menu-tasting with her or decorate the room.

Sorrynits taken so long to post again, just got in from work and inhaled dinner.

Thank you for your replies, it's really helped me to focus and not get sucked in. I spoken to DH and as you lovely people have advised I've said that's great, but it'll all be you- I can't help this time....all's gone quiet on the western front.

I'll keep you updated, but I'm sure it may now die down. XX

Well done OP. Stick to your guns.

Sod that! Your husband is a grown man. He can arrange it.

Well done OP. What did he say? Anything?

Both my parents had huge parties for their 65s! I think it’s a thing.

It did start with the "let's talk about this another time..." When I refused and pointed out what's happening this year, which then turned to "but I think she's really looking forward to it"...I held fast and stick to my guns (I'm chuffed because normally I'd give in).

He was a but stroppy this morning, but has since calmed down now this evening- I don't hesitate used to me saying no.

Should say I don't think he's used to me saying no.

Please forgive grammatical errors, eyes are being held open on remnants of coffee and sheer willpower X

This baffles me. Since when is 65th a thing? Stick to your guns, OP, or who knows where it will end!