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Original poster

I can't decide whether to continue pregnancy and I need someone to talk to

20 replies

Stuckandsad · 02/12/2018 16:40

As above really.
I'm a long time user but have name changed.
I am about 6 weeks pregnant.
For details sake I am a single parent to a 7 year old, have a dp who I have been with for 2 years, we don't live together and there weren't any plans to, at least not in a hurry.
We both work, finances not a problem as such but not rich by any means.
He has met my dd, and they get along very well, although he doesn't stay over when she is here. Have taken it very slowly.
He is 40 and I am 34.
The pregnancy clearly wasn't planned. In all honesty it was a very boozy meal out that got a bit romantic.
I've always been happy with just 1 child but I do love children and being a mum 😊 He didn't believe he could have children so has not considered it for a long time.

So, he is leaving more towards not continuing the pregnancy as the timing is not quite right. He would like to try again in a few years.
I don't feel quite right about this, I feel a bit like I'm playing god, in a way. I also had a very traumatic miscarriage before dd that still bothers me sometimes.
However I'm worried about the impact of the pregnancy and baby on dd. It would be such a massive upheaval to her and she is so lucky to have a lovely little life at the moment.

Sorry that is such a ramble but I don't have anyone to talk to in real life. I feel in a very lonely place.

OP posts:
NewFreshStarts · 02/12/2018 16:46

I can't offer any advice and I don't want to suggest anything either way as it's your and your partners decision but I didn't want to read this and not reply something especially as I understand how hard it is.

Original poster
Stuckandsad · 02/12/2018 16:49

Thankyou Flowers

OP posts:
TroyKing · 02/12/2018 16:56

A baby is a precious gift. I'm sure your daughter would welcome a brother or sister.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1st trimester Families General pregnancy
SpuriouserAndSpuriouser · 02/12/2018 16:59

Honestly, whichever route you go down it has to be the right choice for you, at the end of the day it's you who'd have to raise the baby or go through a termination, not your partner.

There are some organisations that offer counselling and information around the decision to end a pregnancy, this is just one of them: www.mariestopes.org.uk/other-services/counselling/.

Whatever you decide, make sure the choice is yours.

Minniemountain · 02/12/2018 17:02

How would keeping the baby affect your DD? Would she cope with a new sibling and presumably your DP moving in?

Easylay · 02/12/2018 17:22

I had a baby as a single mother when my son was the same age. It was no problem at all. All these years later I have a ready babysitter. As for trying again later, life doesn't work like that

Madeline88 · 02/12/2018 17:27

I think if you are having doubts, you should have the baby. Only have an abortion if you are 100% that is what you want to do.

GlassHeart1 · 02/12/2018 17:35

Would have given anything to have no2. No guarantees for the future either.

Easy to say choice is yours but I bet some days you feel yes and others no. Big change but your DD will almost certainly learn a lot through it too.

If partner not ready at 40 I doubt he will ever be. Beware older partner as they are so set in their ways that relationship might not survive with more pressure - speaking from my own experience of 5 years difference.

My DC is an only and the older we are the sadder it feels :-(

TroyKing · 02/12/2018 17:36

Some phone numbers

prolife.org.uk/pregnancy-counselling/

Bigonesmallone3 · 02/12/2018 17:39

What would be so different in a few years..

Mishappening · 02/12/2018 17:42

7 year olds cope with a new sibling better than smaller children, so I do not think that this should be a worry - it will not spoil her lovely little life. I had a gap when mine were small the two older ones were 6 and 8 when number 3 came along - they had great fun with her - she had 3 Mums!

If you have any sense that you might regret a termination, then you need to think twice before taking the plunge.

Stressedoverkids · 02/12/2018 17:43

I think if you are having doubts, you should have the baby.

This really!

I have read so many threads recently about people regretting abortion. It's supposed to be a great leap for women's rights but in reality many women are forced into it.

Get proper independent counselling.

In terms of it being the right time...a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. It might never happen again.

DaisyDreaming · 02/12/2018 17:46

It feels from reading your post that you don’t want a termination. I’m sure your daughter will enjoy a baby brother or sister so I wouldn’t make the decision based on worrying about turning her life upside down. I hope the phone numbers above can help give you an outlet and help you decide whether a termination is right for you or not

Haworthia · 02/12/2018 17:47

He’s 40. If he doesn’t feel ready for a baby now, he’s never going to. “Not the right time” is a good enough argument when you’re young, but when you’re 40 it just sounds like a cowardly way to say “I don’t want to have a baby with you”.

So, honestly, I think you need to do that’s right for YOU. If you ended the pregnancy, would you grow to resent him? If you carried on with the pregnancy, are you prepared to go it alone?

NooNooHead · 02/12/2018 17:50

I have a nearly 8 year old daughter and a 5 month old son. My DD is occasionally jealous of her baby brother but I am so pleased when they do get on and she plays well with him. It is delightful to watch, and the age gap is great (but not planned at all!)

I would say go for it if you are in doubts about a termination. A baby is a great blessing, as others have said. Smile

AJPTaylor · 02/12/2018 17:59

I think you need to be very very realistic.
There are a number of scenarios with the new baby.
All goes well, blended family plenty of love and money to go round
Partner involved with baby and financial support but no longer together
Partner buggers off leaving you alone to bring up baby.
If you think you are resillient enough to cope with any scenario go for it. As pp have said if you want 2 children this is your best bet.

Original poster
Stuckandsad · 02/12/2018 18:34

Thankyou everyone. My heart wants the baby. I think you are right re-dp. I think he is very happy with his life as it is, and obviously that's his choice and right.
I put so much in to being a good mum and friend and good at my job that I'm frightened that my actions in having this baby might turn everything on its head, but that's not always a bad thing.
Really I am so grateful that I can speak about this

OP posts:
Mishappening · 03/12/2018 13:30

It is possible to overthink things! None of us can predict the future or how others might react. I think you are over-worrying to be honest - life with a new baby will be very different, but it need not turn everything on its head. I think you are trying too hard for everything to be perfect, but life ain't like that!

miggeldysthepres · 03/12/2018 13:33

I think as others have said, if you're not 100% sure about terminating then don't do it. Wishing you all the best.

Stuckforthefourthtime · 03/12/2018 13:44

Do call the Marie Stopes line. I did in a very difficult circumstance and they were totally unjudgmental and unbiased (in the end we continued the pregnancy). It's free and you can talk as many times as you need before reaching a decision.

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