Really not okay (Trigger warning)

[hummusscot]

I left an abusive partner in July and initially welcomed people to help me and really had an army of people but I've been isolating myself and cutting people off since. I don't know how to stop. Being around people feels terrifying but nobody wants to be around me anymore and that's even scarier. I've lost most of my friends, my flatmates tolerate me at best and I've turned into everything I hate.

I lost a baby with said abusive partner in December 2017 and can't stop thinking about it. I've been trying to conceive for ages and taken a break whilst figuring out how to continue. I feel like my whole life has been destroyed by my ex and any hope of being happy is gone, I feel like I spend my life in the future thinking about what it would be like if my baby was here, but in reality I'm all alone and nobody gets it. I don't know how to live in the present, I don't know how to keep ahold of friends or live daily, I feel guilty all the time for losing everybody. I just feel awful. Therapy didn't help and I'm on anti-depressants but they're not doing much either. I just want to give up.

anyone?

Bumping you up and hope someone can help x

life will get better, it takes time, but it will. break up the day into small chunks and concentrate on getting through those. try to find one good ting in each chunk, be it everso small. (eg: your bed is comfortable, it is sunny, your flat mate did not snore last night... )

i just thought it would be getting easier by now. i'm so busy during the day but evening hits and i feel lonely and hopeless. nobody to see, nothing to do, I'm just left feeling rubbish. I'll try thinking of more wee good things- you're right they do make things easier

a year is not long in the scheme of things after losing a baby, and then to throw in leaving an abusive partner, that will have put you back a long way as well, it is still not going to be easy, there is so much hurt to get over that it will take a long while.

you need to be kind to yourself and realise it is ok to still be grieving and fucked up by an abusive relationship.

thinking of good things is a dicipline at first and fucking hard but gets easier with practise.

also it is easy to think how hard it is now, and miss that you have come a long way already, and not give yourself credit for that.

how are you this morning lovely?