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Original poster

What would you do??

17 replies

MyLittleMr · 01/12/2018 22:03

I need to talk to someone who isn’t a friend or relative!!
My partner and I have been together for 5 years and have a beautiful little boy who is 16 months old!! In March 2016 my partner told me that he’d had a 1 night stand when I was on holiday and that this girl was pregnant and saying it was his (at this point the baby was 2 months old) we paid for a DNA test as there were 3 potential fathers and it turned out the baby is his. I left and thought that was it, he told me I would never have to see the child or be in their life so I took him back. Everything was great and we were stronger than ever. I have never once stopped him from seeing the child. We then decided to start our own family, he mentioned to me about meeting the child and I said once we had our own MAYBE I would be able to. Our little boy arrived in July 2017 and he is perfect!! Since the him and his mum pushed and pushed and pushed about meeting this child. I have since done so and I struggle so much with it, I cannot stand to be around the child, I wish they would disappear!! I know they are only a child but I take all my anger out on how I feel about them because of the situation. The mother of said child has tried to tarnish my name by making lies up about me to my mother and sister in laws to the point of where I went for a lit detector test to prove to them all she was lying!! My mother in law and her are like best friends because they both have no one else. My partner and I no longer talk to his mother as she has tried to turn him against me calling me a ‘f**king bitch’ and saying I was evil. I’m not blowing my own whistle but since being with me (we’ve been friends since we were 12) I pushed him into finding a trade and he now has his own successful business!! I’m so proud of him.
But how do I deal with this situation?? My friends don’t know and I don’t want them to!! I’m ashed of the whole situation!! 2 weeks ago I walked away and told him I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t be in the child’s life. We’re tryinh to work on things but he keeps telling me I have to love this child like they’re my own. To me that is ludicrous, how could I ever do that?? All I ever see if what he and the child’s mother did to me!!
Any advice, thoughts, responses would mean a lot to me!!

OP posts:
MrsMiggel · 01/12/2018 22:12

Your first mistake was taking him back after he cheated. Unfortunately you did and you now have your own baby to think about. Personally I wouldn’t be able to forgive him or accept the other child. The whole situation sounds filled with drama and to be honest if I were you I’d remove myself and my child from it. Cut all ties with MIL, SILs and the mother of the other child. They aren’t your problem. Obviously the father will have access to your child but that’s the only reason he needs to have any further contact with you. He’s a cheating lying idiot and you deserve better than that.

formerbabe · 01/12/2018 22:16

I know they are only a child but I take all my anger out on how I feel about them because of the situation

What do you mean by this?

wildewillow · 01/12/2018 22:29

Tricky situation. Personally I think you should never have taken him back and even worse you then had a baby with him! Did you honestly think you would spend the rest of your life without meeting his other child?
Please remember that his other child is just that, a child. He didn't ask for any of this to happen to him and you definitely should not take any anger out on him! He is completely innocent here. This situation is not going to get any better. Your partner will always want his children to be a part of his life. Subsequently if you stay together you have to accept that his other child is also a part of your life. You don't need to have anything to do with the other mother but like it or not your partner has fathered the child and has stepped up to the mark.
The only thing you can do is put up with the life you've chosen (and at the end of the day you chose to have a child with this man after what happened) or leave.

Original poster
MyLittleMr · 01/12/2018 22:39

Formrbabe - I worded that wrong. I am very kind to the child, I play with them, draw with them, teach them things I am in no way horrible to them it just eats me up inside. I would never take anything out on the innocent child I just find it hard to be around them.
I don't regret taking him back because I wouldn't have my beautiful little man if I hadn't of done I just don't think I thought that far into the future. We have moved areas twice and the mother has followed us to both areas!!
It's coming to make or break and I don't know if I can see it through with him

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 01/12/2018 22:42

It would be a break for me, given the behaviour of the woman and also your in laws. You shouldn't have accepted him back, given that he had a child at that point and you didn't. But you did, and you have to cope with that. I could only do that by separating from him.

Nicknacky · 01/12/2018 22:44

Then leave him. The child isn’t going anywhere and if he is any sort of man he won’t walk away from his child because you want him to.

Then you need to sort out access with your joint child.

What a mess.

bluebell34567 · 01/12/2018 22:56

i think you need some counselling on this.

Original poster
MyLittleMr · 01/12/2018 22:56

Nicknacky - I don't want him to walk away from his child, I have not said that at all and would never expect him to do that.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 01/12/2018 22:59

Your words

“I wish they would just disappear”

Clearthinking · 01/12/2018 23:06

This sounds awful. Counselling?

Doyoumind · 01/12/2018 23:07

You did a lie detector?! We're you on Jeremy Kyle?

You might not love the child as your own but it's your child's sibling and for their sake you need to make an effort.

Doyoumind · 01/12/2018 23:08

*were you on. Bloody autocorrect.

CopperSparkle · 01/12/2018 23:11

Unfortunately I don't think the answer your looking for is here. At the end of the day the child was there from the beginning and you've had plenty of time to adjust, if you've not adjusted to the situation by now then you need to step away. Because they're are two children involved in this not just one. Like the person says above the other child did not ask for this, they are simply a product of adults making foolish choices. If your keen to make this work then I think the counselling route for yourself would be beneficial, I think you need to address the issue of the affair. Because ultimately that is what you are struggling to get over and by seeing this child it's a reminder. I wish there could be more advice, but in situations like this.. it's more of a case suck it and make it work or leave Smile

FissionChips · 01/12/2018 23:11

A lie detector test? Was it on the Jeremy Kyle show?

Original poster
MyLittleMr · 01/12/2018 23:14

No we were not on Jeremy Kyle I paid for a private test to show my MIL that the lies the mother had made up about me weren't true.
I know the answer has been staring me in the face for so long, I decided to stay I have to deal with it I just struggle a lot with it.

OP posts:
Frieden · 01/12/2018 23:16

You had a baby with someone who was already a father but not acting up to the role of dad.
Sorry for the bluntness, but that's how it reads.

IMO you should all try to grow up for the sake of the children. They are related. Your anger is understandable and if you truly can't then cut ties as PP have suggested and get this drama out of your and your dcs lives Flowers

Karensbadger · 01/12/2018 23:18

Are you Caitlin Stark?

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