Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Adoptees who were adopted by parents who had given up a child for adoption

1 reply

JWagg · 01/12/2018 22:01

I know the subject line sounds crazy and sounds like it was made up but this is my life. I was adopted in the US in 1967 by a British mother and an American father and I knew I was adopted my entire life and it never bothered me.
In 1997, my mother broke the news that I had a brother that was trying to contact me, and suddenly I found out that there were three children....the eldest she had kept, myself and then my brother had been put up for adoption. I went to meet my siblings but had no desire to meet my birth mother as when I had my own children I realized that the only mother I needed was the one that loved me and raised me.
Let a few more years pass, almost 20 to be precise and I found out (that being a story all its own) that my mother had given up a baby 13 years before she adopted me. She has been talking to her on a regular basis and I find myself being concerned about her leaving and moving back to the U.K. to be with her. It has bothered me immensely and I am heartbroken when she says “I have family in England” I was so hurt that I blurted out that “Those people are not family, she has a mother and her children have a grandmother.” Am I being foolish? I felt bad afterwards and am thinking that I should help her FaceTime or Skype so they can talk a little more in person but a friend said that may make her want to go “home” even more. What should I do? Should I just stay out of it? My mother moved to the US in 1959 and besides when we lived overseas in Asia for awhile she has been in the US ever since. Help! Any advice is appreciated.

OP posts:
listsandbudgets · 01/12/2018 22:29

OP that sounds so hard.

I'm going to be honest and say I'm not going to try to advise you about what to do as I really don't think I can begin to understand your position.

I do think that any parent who loses or gives up a child to adoption, never really gives up on them and those birth parents I've spoken to always seem to hope they'll see their child again in the future so I don't think your mother's reaction is unusual in wanting to see her. It does not necessarily mean that she's about to uproot her whole life but that she wants to fill in a missing bit of the jigsaw.

Can I suggest, that you ask Mumsnet to move this to the adoptions board where you will hopefully find people who understand your feelings and situation a lot better.

I'm sorry, this must feel very hard.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page