Child refusing to go back to his dads

[anxiousanniekins]

Posting here for traffic

Ds who is 12 this week, visits his dad once a fortnight from Friday to Sunday. It's becoming increasingly difficult for me to persuade him to go. His dad has messed him around, been sporadic with his contact and doesn't really bother with him when he's there. He also often drinks and argues with his partner (to the point ss have been involved twice).

Tonight he has text me very upset saying his dad has been shouting in his face and continued after he began crying.

I've always encouraged contact as he is his dad but he is now saying he's not going again. I feel very torn and I no longer think contact is in his best interests.

What age would a court force him to go still? I'm worried sick until I can collect him tomorrow

Thank you for all of your responses, I'm going to talk to ds properly today and see where we go from there

There's no way I would send my child back there. Maybe your ex could behave better if he saw your son for a couple of hours at a time, rather than several days, but I wouldn't let my son stay there.

If this is court-ordered contact, you should get legal advice before breaching the court order. If dad doesn't agree to you reducing contact, then technically you'd be breaching the order if you stop sending your DS, so take advice before doing it. Although you say SS visited twice, it sounds like they weren't worried enough to reduce/stop contact, so tread carefully.

Also, are you sure dad doesn't just have a different parenting style from you? Not every parent who is more strict than you is abusive. Shouting at an 11-year-old isn't necessarily abusive...

I’d say shouting in the face of your child while they are crying is abusive.

That’s before you even mentioned the other issues and SS involvement.

I would look to end contact, or have it elsewhere.