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Original poster

Please tell me about your worst playdate...

28 replies

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 01/12/2018 17:01

I've just suffered the playdate from hell with my lovely friend and her usually lovely but today somewhat demonic DS (3). He is in a major tantrum stage - I have never, ever seen anything like it. I mean never.

I sense that she was unhappy with my reaction (in my house a tantrum never gets you a cookie, and I don't care if you missed a nap), and I think we all feel slightly traumatized, not least my DS.

Can you soothe me with your tales of playdate disasters? Where the parents remained on good terms afterwards?

OP posts:
Believeitornot · 01/12/2018 17:03

Do you have older dcs? Mine don’t generally tantrum but I remember once ds had a massive meltdown after a nap and I was mortified as we had visitors. He’d never done it before nor since. He was 2 at the time so I knew it wasn’t deliberate.

Original poster
Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 01/12/2018 17:07

My DS (nearly 4) had the odd tantrum in his time, as did all his friends, but nothing like this. I know my friend's DS wasn't doing it on purpose, because nobody would! I can't describe it, except to say it was like he was possessed.

OP posts:
Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 01/12/2018 17:07

I had a 6 year old tell me she wasn't ever coming again as we didn't have enough 📺 tellies.

BlytheSpiritsSpirit · 01/12/2018 17:09

What was your reaction?

If my child was struggling to an extreme extent, I would take him home. If it was my friend's child, I would cheerfully suggest the same.

Original poster
Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 01/12/2018 17:10

That's just rude! But my friend's DS repeatedly threatened to shoot me/have the police shoot me, so I'd prefer simple rudeness

OP posts:
Believeitornot · 01/12/2018 17:11

What exactly did you do in response?

If I had a dc tantrumming and their parent was there, I would have got them to deal with it however they saw fit.

Original poster
Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 01/12/2018 17:12

Oh she did take him home. My reaction while they were there was to suggest she come and drink her coffee and leave him tantrumming in the hall.

OP posts:
knowingkaleidoscope · 01/12/2018 17:15

So basically you judged your friend because her toddler had a tantrum. Not every child is the same and I'm so pleased you have the "perfect" child.

GertrudeCB · 01/12/2018 17:15

This one is from 20 years ago - invited child and mum, DC were 3 at the time. Mum had an urgent appointmentHmm so left DC. Child was like a whirlwind, toys tipped, thrown, broken, didn't take one bit of notice of me . DH then arrived home with the child's mum in the back of his taxi - he had spotted her in a beer garden Angry.
The mum had the good grace to look sheepish and I later found out that this was a regular trick of hers.

fleshmarketclose · 01/12/2018 17:15

My most memorable was shortlived anyway, he told me to "fuck off". I think we had been home from school half an a hour and I'd just dished up food. I took the plate off of him, handed him his shoes and coat and marched him home. His dm gave me the impression I had overreacted and gave him biscuits because I hadn't fed him Hmm Needless to say there was no repeat visit.

ivykaty44 · 01/12/2018 17:18

My best friend from school came to play and had a toy from a cereal packet, I knew she had swapped this for one of her own toys at school. Her mother took me to one side and asked me how her dd got it - I was 5 and told the truth, I was naive and didn’t know you could lie. My friend got in trouble and wouldn’t speak to me...

Greyeye · 01/12/2018 17:23

I was friends with a woman who actively encouraged her children (aged 7 and 5) to be utterly poisonous.

They always complained about the food and ignored my request not to go upstairs. She just laughed.

They didn't even play with me little boy.

I found them in his room teasing his pet hamster.

I didn't invite them back and I am no longer friends with their mother.

BlankTimes · 01/12/2018 17:23

A tantrum will stop when the desired thing the tantrum is about is offered, so child wants cookie, adult says no, tantrum happens, adult offers cookie, tantrum stops is usually the pattern.

However, from your description, could your friend's son have been having a meltdown, as in being totally overwhelmed by too much different input at once and not being able to cope? To continue the above analogy, in that instance, a proffered cookie would be rejected and the meltdown would have to run its course. See link below.
www.understood.org/en/learning-attention-issues/child-learning-disabilities/sensory-processing-issues/the-difference-between-tantrums-and-sensory-meltdowns

Using terms like possessed and demonic to describe a child's behaviour is really a bit much, perhaps you'd like to consider there could be another reason ?

Catsandbootsandbootsandcats · 01/12/2018 17:28

Child was my oldest's best friend. He came round, was absolutely vile to my youngest. I had an argument with then DH about his behaviour (the child's, not DH's!) and ended up in tears about it.

Delivered him home and his mum just said he was tired. No apology!

Remarkably we actually stayed friends, I just never had him round again, and he's a really really lovely adult now.

Original poster
Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 01/12/2018 17:33

I accept that demonic and possessed probably aren't terms I should use. I just can't convey what it was like without using them.

My DS is being assessed for autism, and I am familiar with meltdowns - this was much more angry and very, very goal focused.

Anyhoo, thanks to those who shared their experiences - I've been lucky in the past and playdates have all gone well.

OP posts:
MerryInthechelseahotel · 01/12/2018 17:38

You sound like you want to be praised for how good you and your dc are. Toddlers, some of them anyway, have tantrums. Some don't but they are difficult teenagers. You sound nasty and you probably won't grow out of it.

recently · 01/12/2018 17:40

Mine was worst for me, not dd. A friend of a friend was new to our town and suggested we meet up at a play area as she wanted to make new friends for herself and son. She sent the nanny who didn't speak English or the local language!

minipie · 01/12/2018 17:43

I sense that she was unhappy with my reaction (in my house a tantrum never gets you a cookie, and I don't care if you missed a nap)

I wouldn’t give a cookie to my own child in my own house either. However if my child was having a mega tantrum on a playdate at someone else’s house, I might consider it if I thought it would salvage the playdate, not least as the other child is usually pretty disappointed if a playdate is cut short.

Missing a nap IS relevant IMO. Doesn’t mean they get whatever they want, but does provide an explanation for behaviour.

Purplemushroom · 01/12/2018 17:55

DS (5) had a few friends (2 boys/2 girls) round and they were playing upstairs.

When they left I was clearing up the toys in his room and found some pooh smeared on his toy box and looked inside and there was a small pooh in there.

I’m pretty sure it wasn’t my DS and that he would of objected if he’d seen someone using his toy box as a toilet. I do have my suspicions who the offender was but not sure how they managed to do it undetected with 4 other kids around.

Needless to say they’ve not been back since.

thehairyhog · 01/12/2018 17:59

Agree with Blank and Merry. You sound a bit devoid of empathy and like you don't know much about children tbh.

Mrsr8 · 01/12/2018 18:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pastaagain78 · 01/12/2018 18:05

Well done to you. Stop judging and support your friend. We don’t need to all join with tales of how our children are brilliant and other terrible children have come to our house. It is incredibly stressful when your own child freaks out at someone else’s house.

frippit · 01/12/2018 18:07

My son's friend from school came to play he seemed a nice little boy at school. However, he sulked everytime he didn't get his own way and would sit in a corner and stare at the wall and refuse to speak.
I served them up some tea ( he would only eat chips and chicken nuggets) and he got up from the table every 2 minutes to bash the piano loudly. I repeatedly told him to sit at the table and he would smile slyly and be off bashing the piano again.
To top it off when his dad came to collect him he walked into our house looked at our TV and said 'that's a cheap make they're a rubbish'! Didn't even introduce himself first.

Knitwit101 · 01/12/2018 18:12

A 4 yr old ran away from my house once. Climbed out of a bedroom window, one that was just open at the top. I have no idea how she got out. She was cross with her mum for not allowing her a second slice of cake so ran through to the bedroom and silently escaped through the window. We didn't realise she was gone for about 15 minutes when we wondered why she was so quiet. Another neighbour knocked at the door and brought her back.

Believeitornot · 01/12/2018 18:32

Come and drink her coffee 😬😬

Ok I probably wouldn’t have taken that approach and been more sympathetic.

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