I need sense talked to me! And possibly a grip...

[thesnapandfartisinfallible]

I am having possibly the most ridiculous crisis of my life. But here you have it. Please knock some sense into me.

I am single. I've never had a relationship and the idea of sex terrifies me. I was in an unfortunate sexual situation as a child so that is probably why.

I know this man in a professional capacity. Not through my work but through his. And I think he may have asked me out. And I think I said yes. Now I am absolutely bricking it. I don't know if this is a date or a friends thing or what! It's to an event to a sport he loves and I'm not really into but I accepted anyway.

We have almost nothing in common. I have very average looks, no self esteem and more baggage than easy jet. I am punching way above my weight here. But I really really like him. But I don't even know if he meant it like that or if he is thinking of it as just a friendly night out.

Advice, please, anyone?

Hi-didn’t want to leave you unanswered but am a bit useless really.I think go out with him,enjoy yourself and just see where it goes.And maybe have a small glass of wine before you go to steady the nerves!

Go for it. He invited you so he already likes your company. Go as a friend with no expectations on either side & see how it flows.

Hopefully you’ll be surprised by the end as to how good a time you had x

OP, what would you like it to be, yourself? Are you hoping it’s just a social event with a work contact, or are you hoping there will be a romantic element?
If it’s the latter, that sounds as though maybe you’re beginning to consider the possibility of a relationship after your childhood trauma and subsequent celibacy, although you’re still very nervous about it.
I think you should go along with an open mind, no great expectations and just see if you have a nice night out. See if you like the chap’s company.
That would be a good first step for you, whether anything comes of it or not.
Whatever age you are now, it would be wonderful if you are finally able to move beyond your childhood trauma, and gradually start to be open to the possibility of a romantic relationship. Take things slowly, and only extend your comfort zone when you feel able to trust the chap to respect your boundaries and not hurt you.
Good luck!

Go and enjoy the day (date) with no expectations. Then just see how it goes... Then come back and fill us in

What did he say and what did you say?

Is he a nice man? Never mind whether you fancy him or anything like that - is he kind?

If he's a nice man, go! Take it very easy, very slowly and just have a lovely time.

Wishing you loads of luck

Don't overthink it 😄
Go, have a nice friendly time, see if anything develops. It would be nice to have a friend, no? That's all it needs to be for this time.

He said if I fancied a night out, he had a couple of tickets to this thing. I said ok it sounds good. Now I'm second guessing it, wondering if we're on the same page. If he is just being friendly then great, I could do with a friend. If he's thinking more in the terms of a date then even better but I'm panicking. It's not a relationship I'm willing to risk.

Aww. How lovely. Enjoy yourself, take things very slowly. Have you talked to anyone about what happened in your childhood?

OP.

Just go to the gig.

If it turns out just friends then great. If not then at least you gave it a go.

If it helps, I am still good friends with loads of exes that never worked out. It doesn't mean the end of a friendship if you have bad/mediocre/fantastic sex with someone.

Slow down and take a deep breath.

And another.

It’s all good.

Saying yes to going out with him doesn’t commit you to anything. You can just go and have fun and enjoy the event and come home alone. No big deal.

You can say “no” to anything and you can say “yes” to anything.

Him asking you out doesn’t vomit him to anything either.

He obviously thinks he will enjoy your company and that’s why he asked you. Maybe you’ll just turn out to be friends, maybe there will be more. Either way is fine.

You can control the speed this goes at, you aren’t on a rollercoaster, you can say get off whenever you want.

As for punching above your weight? Relationships aren’t all about looks. He asked you, and he didn’t have to.

breathes Ok you're all right. No need to make more of it than it is. There is no. Need. To. Panic.

Could be something or could be the start of a good friendship.

And yes very kind to those who asked. Very kind, very affectionate, very non intimidating.

He sounds like a nice guy OP.

He is. It's me who's a bit shit. I just have nothing to compare to, I have no idea if he's interested or not and I don't want to make things awkward if he isn't.