Anxious about teenager getting angry

[teenager456]

Teenage dd. We give a small amount of ‘pocket money’ each week for travel/lunch/miscellaneous
She has been looking for a job but haven’t found one yet
We can’t give any more than we have and I know this weekend she has plans but we don’t have any money

This is going to cause a problem I’m anxious about her being unhappy/angry as she doesn’t understand (there are possibly some spectrum issues).
She’s likely to go out anyway. With no money which worries me too
I’m not sure what to do I’m dreading her asking for extra as I don’t have it

Quite low atm in general. I have tried to explain to her that till
She gets a job she needs to try and save a little bit it’s not happening

When she told you she made plans did you not ask how she's going to pay for it?

It's worse if you leave it until the last minute. Just go tell her that if she's spent her pocket money instead of saving then she won't be getting anymore so might want to change her plans.

Yes I did and it doesn’t seem to be ‘absorbed’
So I know she will ask properly and I’ll have to say no
She cannot manage money

I’ve tried to explain that we can’t fund her social life with extra money on top of the usual amount each week
I’ve explained how we have some bills to pay and food shopping to get but she really cannot understand. It’s the upset/anger that I’m worrying about as I just can’t deal with it atm
We are in the system for help for these spectrum issues but it doesn’t help me right now and I’m just generally on edge with it all

How old is she?

My only answer would be complete transparency. Show her your income, and then the whole list of outgoings. Read it together, then ask her where she thinks extra money comes from. Go over it all again, and then tell her that you cannot magic up more money so you can't give her any more. And if she throws a strop, tell her she won't get anything from you.

There’s no point as she has discalculia if I start talking numbers to her things go wrong v quickly
Honestly I’m exhausted. I want her to go out and have friends but I cant give money that’s needed for bills etc just so she can stay happy and go shopping but if I don’t it will be a tantrum and I understand it’s not all her fault but there must be some understanding there I don’t know how much
Really need the CAMHS help ASAP

It’s just right now I’m anxious

We tried giving her pocket money each Monday. Spent it all in one day
We changed to a daily amount to try and help. She would borrow. Managed to stop that but now it’s just the asking and not understanding she’s had it
We allow an amount so that she could save a little each day. I suppose from next week could give even less each day and do the saving part for her effectively ?
Doesn’t help right now but it might
Just really worn down. It’s not her fault but the issues we are facing are difficult and we need input the CAMHS waiting time has been long

You need to try. People with discaculia are quite often able to function in normal life and run their own household. She needs to learn.

Make a very simple "in" column and "out" column. She will be able to see that one number is bigger than the other. And if you don't try then you're going to face a tantrum anyway so what have you got to lose?

Have you tried a chart? So, on Monday write down the money she has been given. Then at the end of the day write down what she spent. On the Tuesday slot write down what's left and continue on. Remind everyday that she gets no more, and when the figure reaches zero there is no more until a new chart on a new Monday.

I could try. The other issues plus discalculia is making things an absolute nightmare
Then of course there is teenage behaviour on top and it’s all gone to shit

I will try a chart. Will have to be very basic
Can see that being an issue as I’ll be accused of treating her like she’s stupid I can hear it now. But I need to try for my sanity and her functioning

If she says you're treating her like she's stupid, then show her your own budget plan (make one up quickly if you don't actually have a written budget). Then tell her you do exactly the same thing; it's not stupid or childish. It's what every adult does so they don't spend too much, and what every business owner does so they don't overspend. Tell her you're giving her one because you think she's old enough now to do it... Just make it seem like you're giving her the same grown up task you have.

Make it super simple; just each day with a starting number and an ending number. So she only needs to see it coming down. And tell her everytime you both write on it that when it reaches zero, that means there is no more money for her.

I will give it a try Thankyou

You've said she's looking for a job so I'm guessing she's 15/16? When my friends kid was looking at that age and couldn't find one, I offered to pay them to do the cleaning in my workshop rather than hiring a cleaner for that (lots of expensive tools and metals etc so didn't want a stranger in there). Do you have any friends who might be looking for some general help around their house who could give her a bit of pocket money for the work? I know it sounds really stupid and doesn't work for everyone but... Just incase.

Could you help her plan. So if she has £10 a week. But needs £5 for Saturday outing. She has £1 for Monday-Friday. And you budget for her. But she can physically see her money for each day in a planner.

How old is she-13? 19?

16