If someone close to you didn't respond to a message what would you think?

[Excellentidea]

I don't know whether I am feeling upset or disappointed. Actually, that's not true. I know I am hurt but I don't know if it's justified.

Something stressful happened to me early yesterday morning. It was the latest in a succession of incidents and I am not in a good place. I messaged someone close to me to tell them. I sent a follow up message later as the situation had become worse. I haven't had a response.

I definitely haven't been bombarding them with messages about my problems.

Yes, they are probably busy but were they busy all yesterday evening and on their commute this morning? It's been over 30 hours. I can see they've actually been communicating on Facebook and WhatsApp today. They are rarely far from their phone and it's inconceivable to think they haven't been messaging other people in this timeframe.

I don't want to be angry but honestly how long does it take to send a quick reply offering a bit of sympathy?

Does this mean they don't want to communicate with me? If it does it will have significant ramifications. I'm not sure what to do.

Who knows really? But I have been avoiding people for a week now due to an incredibly stressful situation and don’t want to speak to anyone. I am still on WhatsApp in contact with my family though, who know all about it.

I'm a bit like that too but this is an inner circle kind of person so I would have expected something. It's not the first time it's happened recently. I wonder if something is going on with them but I have asked and been told no so who knows.

Maybe they have their own problems and can’t focus on yours or anyone else’s?

I know people say they just want sympathy text etc but when you do send a text, the other person tends to end up taking it as a sign to carry on offloading.

Why not phone her and see if she is ok?

Have they read the message?

Like I said in a previous thread, nobody is THAT busy.

It's weird how your friends soon show their true colours when something really bad happens to you...

I hope you are OK

It's not a friend. She almost never answers her phone to anyone so messaging is the only way to communicate!

I am not really ok but I will manage on my own as I always do.

Does this person have anything particularly stressful going on in their own life?

It will most likely be a combination all of the following:
They're busy
They have their own shit to deal with
They're waiting for the right moment to respond
They've forgotten
They feel out of their depth with your issues

I'm not being rude but you are not the centre of the universe and your post comes across as slightly needy and passive aggressive and I am an internet random who doesnt know anything about you. I'm assuming this person is a family member rather than friend?

Yes, you are probably right about a combination of reasons, papercup.

And at this point in time I probably am feeling a little needy and a little pissed off rather than PA. I am one of the least likely people in the universe to think I am the centre of it though.

They could have their own shit going on.

I will actively avoid people wanting me to give emotionally when I'm not on par with my own head. Especially people who seem to have a problem regularly and need support... The needy types. It's just too draining as you know another crisis will be along soon.

You need a wider net or gather up some pals, tell them you're having a tough time and need a good laugh. People respond better to a call of cheering up than being offloaded on

I'm sorry you're in a bad way, unfortunately nobody here can really tell you why they've not responded. Are you feeling any better? Maybe follow it up with a 'I'm feeling a little calmer now and things have settled down' if that's the case, and see if they respond then?
Maybe they just didn't know what to say and have their own stuff going on.
Do you have another friend/relative you could confide in?
Difficult to advise without knowing what the problem was but call the Samaritans if you need to talk about it.

Maybe follow it up with a 'I'm feeling a little calmer now and things have settled down' if that's the case, and see if they respond then?

^ I think this is the best thing to do.

I wish my problems were the kind that could be improved by a laugh with a few friends.

I have been there for them in the past. It's not a one way street.

Tbh if as you say she rarely answers her phone then she’s not really a communicator anyway is she?

IMO now we all have smartphones there’s far too much expectation on people to stay in touch constantly even if their own circumstances don’t lend themselves to doing so.

You’ve contacted her and clearly been tracking her movements online if you know she’s been online, on whatsapp, social media etc and are now annoyed that she’s not messaged you? That’s pretty needy in itself and tbh would have me taking a bit of a step back. Maybe she feels the same?

She's a big communicator. She just doesn't do calls. I don't know why.

I honestly haven't been stalking her but I noticed she was online when I was on Facebook myself. I wouldn't have actually given her online activity a second thought if I hadn't seen that.Then that did prompt to check if she'd been on WhatsApp. If she doesn't want to communicate with me I wish she would just say so and that would be ok.

If I get a very stressed message then I don't want to be firing off a quick not totally thought through message while I'm dashing around. I'd wait until I could think of the best reply and make it a bit longer.

I might come across as a cow here but think of it as something outwith modern technology. We rely all too readily on instant gratification that just wasn't possible a few years ago. If your shit is that bad then call someone.

A pal in our circle regularly posts philosophical messages on FB. Sometimes she puts instant 'helps' on our WhatsApp group. I try to help as much as poss but sometimes, like it was said upthread, I've got my own shit going on. Sometimes I just don't have the brain space to deal with dishing out yet another pile of advice and handholding. It's draining. When I'm in the right frame of mind I'll respond and hope that if it was a real emergency she could just call.

Others will text or WhatsApp for just random 'how are you' comments. It's become like there is an exception that we are all just sat with our phones ready to respond. Yes it may be Friday night and tea time is out the way but hey, I actually want to sit and watch the fecking news with a cuppa without having to reply to several messages.

If it was the good old days, someone would have phoned meaning the rest couldn't get through because the line was engaged.

Sorry to add - I don't do calls much either but when I do it's for long chatty catch up ones so they occur rarely.

Why don't you just message her again? And say just wondered if you received my last message? As you usually reply pretty soon....I was getting worried. Hope you're ok?
And if she doesn't reply again then so be it.
She may just have got side tracked and forgotten 🤷‍♀️

Sorry just re read your thread, but again maybe she did.
And I hope you're also ok? X