About friend of 25 year!

[Marble2017]

I've name changed for this.

I've known my friend all my life we became good friends 25 years ago. There was another two girls who hung about with us (more her friends), we used to go for weekends away together had loads of nights out etc. I moved to the outskirts of a big city 20 years ago but I kept in touch with phone calls (She never phoned me) and visited my hometown regularly. We all settled down she had her children and I lost contact with the other two girls(my friend fell out with one of the girls) fast forward a few years one of her DC was diagnosed with a serious illness and I had my 1st baby kept in touch all through her DC treatment. I've invited her to come and stay and it's always been answered by we will see. The past few years have been hard for me, my mum died my daughter got diagnosed with a auto immune disease and my dad got cancer! Not once has she phoned to asked how I am! When I have visited home it's always me that got in contact to meet up! Sometimes she has used the excuse she has cleaning to do so she cant meet up.Any how this weekend she is visiting the city I live near, not once has she asked if I would like to meet up but noticed she is meeting up with friends who also happen to be visiting the city!! Do you think I should forget about the friendship?? Wwyd

Definitely. You get nothing from this friendship

I suppose it depends on the dynamics of the friendship generally, and how much you value having her in your life. It does sound a bit one sided, so maybe leave the ball in her court as regards meet-ups (you could maybe send a message along the lines of ‘let me know if you’re in the area...’ and leave it there). It also seems clear that you can’t rely on her for emotional support when bad stuff happens, so maybe reduce that expectation too.

Not all friendships remain as strong as they were - people change.

I wouldn’t cut her off, but I would definitely reduce my expectations. If you enjoy her company then just chat to her when you’re in her area, and don’t expect or look for more than that.

Honestly? I would move on. She is selfish and doesn’t care. You sound lovely and deserving of better

I agree with Werewolf...friendship dynamics do change whether it’s owing to a move, different life stages, new friendships or a whole load of other variables. You are not on your friend’s priority list any more but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you as such...just that you’re not at the forefront of her thoughts.

She is allowed to visit the city close to you without contacting you and yes, she can even meet other people in that city and not invite you. I’d hate to feel pressured to make contact with someone every time I veer close to their proximity. I have friends in Glasgow but I go to Glasgow without telling them or meeting up. That’s normal.

I think you need to come up to speed with the dynamic of your friendship with this woman as it is now and change your expectations. Xx

pictish of course she can visit wherever she likes! I mentioned once about meeting up and got the brush off then there were pictures of her meeting up with a friend she had recently just got back in contact with!! She has fallen out with her best friend of 30 years because she kept in contact with another friend that she had fallen out with!! I'm the one that has been there for her for the last few years.

It’s very sad and upsetting when this happens but yes, I think lower your expectations to an exchange of Christmas cards.

Sometimes friendships run thier course. We can’t keep up relationships with everyone we have ever been friends with forever - well not to the same degree anyway.

I’d relegate her to the Xmas card list and get on with your life. Concentrate on other friends.

Sometimes it’s sad to ‘lose’ a long term friend but what are you getting out of this relationship? Sounds like she just makes you feel a bit shit. Let her go.

I think your all telling me what I know deep down. Thank you.