Loss of libido. Completely!

[Clutterbug13]

Hi, newbie on here.
I have recently split up with my partner of 2 years. We had a good love life however, towards the end he began putting me down about my appearance, hair style and the clothes I wore amongst other things which I don’t think are suitable for this arena. Anyhoo, I’m well rid of him however, since we split around 3 months ago my libido is dead as a doornail. I have no attraction for anyone, anything and I feel that part of me is over and I’m not sure how to get it back. I haven’t dated anyone since we split and have no desire to either. For someone who would previously be a terrible flirt and generally found attractive by the opposite sex, I feel like a frumpy, ugly mess.
I’m 39.
Anyone else had a similar issue? How did you get over it?
Thank you x

Be kind to yourself Op 💐 You are only recently split up and feeling very hurt right now.Take the pressure off about meeting someone else soon and give yourself time to feel better in yourself ☕️

I feel the same way and I am 49.

Traumatic divorce and difficult years at the end of my marriage to a difficult person who was not interested in me for years, and was emotionally and verbally abusive. Then as soon as he realised he could not manipulate me into staying, he obviously got together with someone else while we had to share the same house for months and months.

So I could hear him on the phone being oh so kind to this person, in a way that I had wanted him to be with me. We were together for 21 years - 22 if you count the 10 hellish months spent living in the same house.

The anger and hurt are intense.

I look around me now (ex moved out in April) and feel

• ancient

• asexual

• cynical and devoid of enthusiasm.

I can’t imagine anyone liking me, and I don’t find anyone attractive. Love is something that happens to others while I sensibly plod through my difficult life.

Mostly. Because there was one man on the train this morning with a lovely smile. But I have no idea how I come across, and if no one could possibly want to be with me due to my age... In other words did this man feel he was smiling at his auntie kind of thing.

Anyway he was just smiling but I did have a nano second moment and thought phew - at least I am not completely dead. Maybe if I meet the right person, it will be different.

Mostly I just look around and feel exhausted however.

That sounds so awful. I can’t believe you had to share a house with that awful man whilst he was seeing someone else. You are so strong.
Mine was a clean break so I’ve not had any contact since but since found out he’s back with his ex who is the complete polar opposite of me looks and personality wise.
I feel asexual too. No interest whatsoever. Not even Tom Hardy in a suit can stir anything downstairs at the moment!
You go for it with that guy on the train. Smile back and see what happens!
Big hugs and I hope you get through this. You’ve had such a rotten time x

Thanks for your kind message.

I did smile but I wish I had said something!

Sadly I might never see him again - it was the tube so less likely to see the same people again, though it was the morning commute so you never know !!

I think it does take time to get over relationship breakdown trauma - but I am sure you will. Plus at 39 you are young!

I think if your ex put you down, it is harder to lift yourself up. I too think focus on yourself - take care of yourself in all ways - go for massages / rest / do exercise you like / make yourself lovely food - and by spring you might be feeling more yourself .

(And I am going to try to follow my own advice!!)

Have you considered being more proactive with erotic literature and .... erm ... taking care of yourself. Assuming you were previously more sexual I don’t think it will be gone for good, I have had times when I have felt similar and it feels permanent but there has been a return to normal so try not to despair as it probably doesn’t help.