I've name changed for this, but long time MNer, naice ham, Pom bears, penis beaker etc etc
I'm just wondering how other parents deal with their kids & social Media.
DD is just turned 16, but with some SN, so can be a bit vulnerable in some ways. She's currently very upset that she has no privacy etc etc. As I asked what the problem was about a post she had made on Instagram. One I could see from my own account. She got really nasty, never seen her like that before, snarling & really hateful. Which kind of made me even more curious as to what the hell was going on. This exploded out of nothing into full on teen tantrums & game playing. Snarling nastiness under her breath to me, whilst talking louder for her dad to hear at other points to make me look bad as if over reacting, so pretty manipulative. Thankfully DH knows I wouldn't lie & caught a little of her nasty expression, so it didn't work & he backed me.
She does have plenty of privacy, but I/we do keep a check on her social media. Mostly Instagram, but will occasionally nosey at snapchat too, though can't see anything there. Though in the past when concerned about things, I have hacked into it.
We've had a few scares with her, which have made me very glad that I do. We don't look all the time, though she seems to think we do, reckons she can see me logged in etc, even when not 
I suppose most of us have an instinct about when our kids are up to something or are not safe, those are the times I log in to look. Usually via her own instagram account as she's blocked me seeing "stories" on my own. Which often can be a big clue to how she is doing, problems, even if she appreciates something I've done for her because she sure as hell doesn't tell me
I've had bad feelings about certain meet ups with her friends for example, asking her what's she's up to, has seen her more evasive, which has made me feel even more concerned about my gut instincts. So then I'll look.
Last time I spotted worrying drug references, so after asking & getting more evasion & snarling, I did go looking further into her Snapchat further- only to find them planning on buying MDMA to use at this get together. It really bothered me that this wasn't even a party, just a dozen mates allowed around one of their houses for the afternoon. I'd be pretty peed off to put it mildly, if that was our house. Plus it made me feel that this particular crowd are not really suitable friends for her.
Her health problems make her extremely high risk for a very bad reaction to drugs like MDMA/Ecstasy & she doesn't tell them that. She's sensible & knows the risks, but is scared to lose friends by telling them she has a medical condition that puts her at high risk. Obviously this was a big thing & me & her dad went mad with her, banned her from hanging out with this particular crowd, especially if she can't be honest with them & also that we felt for 14/15/16 year olds, they normalise drug taking way too much. DD actually broke down in floods of tears & owned up to taking MDMA with them in the summer & that she felt really ill & scared & out of control on it & how she didn't enjoy it at all. So though sensible, she's massively given into peer pressure with this crowd & looked like she would again. This to put it mildly frightened the life out of us.
I've kept a closer eye because of this, & spotted another group chat arranging another drug taking session & hassling her to come, which she wanted to. I'd told her to delete them & we wanted her to keep away (they aren't school friends) She argued, tried to lie etc. So I sort of snapped, screenshot the conversation I'd hacked into, which alert d the others chatting that I'd done this. So I owned up to bring M&D to DD & that we wanted them to leave her alone & also told them off for the drug taking, how silly they were, dangerous, friends daughter dead last year etc etc & that I'll go to their school with screenshots if they don't leave her alone. I also told them about her medical condition & how she could have died & how they would be responsible, have to call ambulance, which would mean police too etc etc. They were surprisingly polite over it & apologised & did say that I'd made them think more about what they were doing & that they aren't druggys & sorry
So we kind of have good reasons, but she is 16 & I do feel bad when she's crying to be about no privacy, reckons friends deleted her on social media because "I stalk them all" etc etc, but well, I'm just so torn as I know how I would be with my mum watching even a bit. Though my DM was far far less liberal than we are, so I don't know really
I feel crap for not walking away & leaving it as I know she is stressed, exams etc, but her attitude was awful & we can't help but not trust her as much anymore, so her response & bad attitude rang massive alarm bells & she over reacted far more than is usual. It started out as a jokey chat & somehow ended up as ww3 as I'm stressed as hell right now dealing with school & her SN. I didn't really lose it, but I shouldn't have gone there at all tonight & walked away when I got attitude & how much she hates me & I ruin her life etc etc
Wondering others thoughts & how you deal with your own 15/16 yo in this area