Sick of feeling like a failure mum

[gunge]

Three kids and schools off for a couple of days. They had a bit of screen time this am so I could exercise then we did some Christmas crafty things and they put on a show/played etc. They watched two short Disney films this pm.

I thought this was okay until all the Facebook posts of amazing activities and outdoor stuff. Which must cost a fortune we don't have.

Tomorrow was going to have a lazy morning then mooch round a garden centre and look at the Christmas decs. My kids enjoy this and they are tired but it doesn't seem enough.

I'm so tired recently after a bereavement so when a friend suggested taking them swimming I declined. Just want to be on my own with the kids and be able to stick a film on if I'm struggling a bit.

But feel guilty about this too.

Guilt.Guilt. Guilt

Sounds to me like you have done some nice stuff - can't imagine why you're feeling guilty.

Mine are older but they all still love a mooch round the garden centre to look at the Christmas's stuff!

Sounds lovely. Stay away from FB and chill out. The kids need down time too.

Thanks ladies. Not sure where the guilt is from either.

i had a shit mother (really shit. Abusive, alcoholic, thefull works). Honestly, it’s one of the best things that happened to me. I am much stronger and better (morally) for it. Children really don’t need Instagram ready activities. All they need to learn is to take full advantage of every opportunity they get. Don’t worry about it too much. Unless you are infantilising them or subjecting them to severe abuse it doesn’t matter that much.

Some of the most successful people in life come from shit backgrounds. They've got the motivation to work hard and get out of it. So don't feel too bad and I'm sure you're a wonderful mother anyway).

Sounds like a perfect day in this cold weather. Sometimes l think children need lazy days. I know mine do they ask to stay in their pjs and have a living room picnic. Easiest days ever.

Everyone has Mum guilt you can't get away from it. I stay away from Fakebook as l can't stand all the gushy posts, piles of birthday/Christmas presents and expensive holidays. l don't know if means lm jealous or l think these people are materalistic

I think I'm partly jealous but mainly just pissed off with the bullshit.

I genuinely had a lovely chunk of time doing crafty stuff with mine but we also watched TV, had a cheat tea and I had some grumpy moments.

But if I'd posted on the gram our lovely paintings and crafts and said 'spent a cosy rainy day crafting and painting with the kids' excluding all other stuff, it would make me look like smug, attentive mum!

There is so much pressure these days. I honestly remember spending 90 percent of my childhood bored. No screens, should be seen and not heard etc. But I read and wrote stories and made mud pies and played wildly imaginative games on my own.

Sounds absolutely lovely and like a pretty typical day off from school in the winter to me. Nothing to feel guilty about ... unless you denied them hot chocolate (with whippy cream AND marshamallows) and popcorn in front of the films. In which case you're a monster and must immediately rectify the situation tomorrow

Popcorn but no hot chocolate - I'm sure the garden centre sells hot chocolate

But if I'd posted on the gram our lovely paintings and crafts and said 'spent a cosy rainy day crafting and painting with the kids' excluding all other stuff, it would make me look like a smug, attentive mum!

You need to start looking at other people's posts differently, don't you? Or - even better - stop looking!

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Not sure how old your dc are op but my older teens will tell you family film days are the best!!

I’m 35 and am very close with my mother. Never had holidays as a child, or paid days out. Had lots of lovely walks on beaches. Every Sunday, she took me to the local garden centre, back in the days where they really were garden centres and didn’t have cafes/homeware. I’d always get a can of flat 7Up and a packet of slightly stale salt and vinegar crisps. She’d let me push the wobbly two-wheeled tilting trolley, and I’d turn a blind eye as she snuck very occasional shrub clippings into her handbag.
She once made me get out of the car in a McDonald’s drive through to take a clipping from one of their hedges.

It was great.

She’s in her 70s now, and not in the best of health, but we still have a great relationship, and talk every day. She visited me recently, and I took her to my local giant garden centre. We had a very happy hour wandering around looking at the Christmas decorations.

You’re doing just fine.