I'm really not sure what to do regarding this.
In brief... I used to go out with this guy years ago. We were young and stupid but very much in love! People got involved as did our families and eventually broke us up. We continued to see each other and stay in contact behind everyone's back.
Eventually we were caught out and had to cease contact once more. I was still head over heals about him but decided to give it a go with some one else to try and "move on" or play a charade to everyone that i had "moved on" but I could never get my ex out of my mind or heart. Eventually we lost contact but ran into each other once or twice but I could never speak to him as my partner (the guy I moved on with) would always get huffy if I spoke to my ex. Obviously because he knows how much I cared about him.
Fast forward 10 yrs later... I'm still with my partner which has been emotionally abusive. I've had two children with him and throughout these years there's not one day that doesn't go by that I don't think about my ex... the love of my life! I wish I'd never settled as such with the man I have my kids to. I deserve someone who treats me much better.
Today I was told my ex was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer and has weeks to live (he's only 34) I'm completely gutted. I've cried my heart out all day. I want to get in touch with him. I want to tell him I'm sorry and that I'm sorry I settled with this other guy even though he pleaded with me not to. I want to tell him how I've thought about him all these years, I've never let go of who we were together. I want to tell him I still love him!
Problem is my partner is so controlling. If he knows I've spoke to my ex (even though he's very unwell) he will put me through my paces as usual. I do love my partner but it's not the same love I've felt for my ex. I really want to reach out to him but without the consequences from my partner.