Help me get my ex's issues out of my own head!

[namechangedbutneedadvice]

My ExH. I divorced him because he was a lying, adulterous son of a gun. We're broadly amicable and have two DDs so I need to see him about once a week. The man has issues one of which is a fear of getting old and fat. He's always told me to watch my weight, made me feel unattractive and like a pig because I enjoy my food. I'm not fat, am well within my BMI (23.4), have a decent figure, look after myself and exercise regularly. Help me get this man out of my head! I've developed a borderline obsession with food since our separation last year. Barely ate for months lost 1.5 stone, have since put it back on but now feel guilty whenever I do eat something. I have constant thoughts that I need to lose weight and whilst I can't blame ExH for this I know living with that for 16 years has had an impact. As has his collosal rejection of me. I've had counselling, feel so much freer without needing to worry about that fool anymore but want to exorcise his mental baggage from my own. Please, any advice to move on?

I wish I could help you, I have the same problem silencing my ex’s voice. I feel I’m stuck in a rut. I’m not sure how people manage to move on from abusive relationships. Sometimes I get a little kick out of doing stuff I know he’d hate.

This is it, I don't know how to help myself. And I'm desperate not to pass this rubbish onto my DDs. Just had my first mince pie of the season and battling mentally not to feel down about it. It's f*ing ridiculous.

Good luck getting your ex out of your head, how do you get the entirety of society out of your head?!

I hear ya OP. My eating only became truly disordered after leaving my DH, and it felt ridiculous and shameful to become anorexic in my 30s. That feeling of eating and being disgusted with myself for it. I can't advise because I'm still not great. The only thing I've learned is that we can only control our own selves, not our exes, and that the voice in our head belongs to us, not them. It's that voice we need to work on.

Thanks for your replies. It's a good reminder that I can only control my own thoughts and they are just thoughts not reality. It's so hard.
I've gone past the stage of him being the default person I think of when certain things happen. The eating stuff all seems at a deeper level though. Know what you mean about the shame of developing an eating disorder in your thirties (forties for me), I don't want the second half of my life to be marred by that rubbish. Need to keep myself busy I think and put my energies elsewhere.