Friend has invited herself to my wedding!

[blinkywinky]

I'm getting married in April. We are not really sociable so we only want a small wedding with family only. Service and reception dinner in a local guest house no evening do. But family staying over. Told friend I was planning wedding. This is someone I have worked with for many years and I would call a friend.

She was very excited for me and at the time she said I take it we are invited.....meaning her and hub. I said then that we had no guest list written yet....because I ddint want to offend her. I just had a coffee with her and she has now booked a room in the guest house for the wedding and has bought a new expensive outfit.

I have even sent invites out yet. The only people we had on our guest list is family. Neither of us were inviti g friends. My OH doesn't like this girl he said she is overbearing and loud. He won't want her there.

What would you do?

I haven't a clue how to sort this.

Help!

She's proved your oh right!

Tell her it’s a small wedding close family only no other guests.

What a weirdo who invites themselves or other people’s weddings?!

OK, she's overstepped for sure by booking the room etc. I think your best way out is to say you've looked at the budget and you're really under pressure so it's a tiny tiny wedding with close family only. This far ahead she should be able to get her booking cancelled.

But I am a bit surprised by your determination not to have anyone other than family there onthe basis that you're not sociable. Why not just go to the register office on your own then? I am a bit doubtful too about your fiance's attitude. How is he normally about you socialising with friends? Does he have his own friends?

You need to tell her now. Both you and her will be really embarrassed if this drags on. Phone or text now saying that only family will be attending. She obviously has the hide of a rhino, so don't leave it any longer or with any room for negotiation. Big girl pants time. Good luck.

What kind of weirdo books a hotel room and buys an outfit when she hasn't even been invited?!

I'd just tell her she'd acted too quickly and that it was a very small wedding, just for family.

Oh what a shame! She'll be mortified when she realises you weren't going to invite her and it's family only.

She clearly thinks of you as a close friend and made her assumptions on that basis.

Are you sure you don't want any friends there at all?

TBH you should have said family only from the beginning. However it was her choice to book the room and jump the gun. Just explain family only

You should have said family only at the outset. Or just No. You are not invited.

But plenty time. Do so right now. Short but clear text will do it. If she has booked/ bought an outfit( unlikely) plenty of time to cancel. Do not engage in discussion about it.

She is a CF. No wonder she needs to invite hersel to events.

Do it today.. Before her dress becomes a bridesmaid one!!

How on earth did you get to this point without having the courage to say it's a family only wedding? You've told her the date and the venue, and she's taken that as a heads up for an invitation.

Tell her immediately that she isn't invited. You can't have her there, so be blunt.

Oh wow, you have 2 friends getting married in the same area.
She says it's for yours.
Really. You have done this for a family only wedding. Why. The done thing is to wait to make sure you are actually invited before booking anything.

The outfit she can take back and if the room isn't refundable well that her fault.

Why on earth didn't you say family only when she asked if she was invited?

You need to tell her quickly so she can get her money back.
How did she know you'd decided on the venue?
also if a long standing friend was discussing the details with me I'd presume I was invited too.
Obviously wouldn't if friend wasn't including me.

Ok I know big girl pants. Firstly, I only see her about 1 to 2 times per month now so it's easy not to talk about the wedding with her. Secondly, we both have friends we would invite before her but decided because we don't want an evening do and given.our immediate families are close that we would just have family there and a nice meal. Both of us have sibling who live away from here hence the guest house idea.

I must point out my OH is in no way controlling or oppressive and has no issue with me seeing friends. He just doesn't like this particular girl.

I wasn't really going out of my way to discuss details. I told her I was getting married. She began to tell me where I should go for flowers venue etc so I told her it was all sorted and answered her questions when she asked.

I think you have to tell her as soon as you can. Do you normally call or text?

You have caused this problem.

When she said “are we invited” you should have said, sorry its family only.”

When she said “I’ve booked a room” you should have said “I’m sorry I didn’t make myself clear before, it’s family only”.

Now, despite avoiding it twice you are going to have to do what you should have done all along and be honest because it’s now down to offend friend or offend fiancé.

He’s right, she sounds pushy but you could have avoided this.

Hi OP have you managed to sort this now?

She has jumped the gun a bit out of excitement, but you really should've been honest from the start. I had a immediate family and best friends only day do. I told everyone from the start that we were just having everyone to the evening reception for personal reasons which I explained. Everyone understood.

You need to message her and say that you were too nervous to tell her, but you're just having a tiny wedding with immediate family only. Tell her you're sorry that she's booked a room already (if you have people who would use the room from the people that you are inviting perhaps offer to find someone to take the room and pay them back?)