Please help me *TRIGGER WARNING *

[cupidsabsolutepsyche]

My beautiful friend has committed suicide. She is EX-DPS sister, and very close auntie to my 8 year old DD. What am I going to tell DD? Please somebody help me, I don't know what to do.

uksobs.org/we-can-help/helpline/?doing_wp_cron=1543228659.8371419906616210937500

When I lost my friend to suicide I called them. It helped. It’s the worst OP. I’m so sorry. It takes time but you’ll get through it.

Take care of yourself as well as you can - eat and sleep and stay hydrated and talk and cry with those who you can open up with.

Therapy/counselling is also helpful.

My DC were too young to be told about her suicide, we dealt with it as a death and a loss. We read books on bereavement.

Your DD is perhaps of an age where it’s best to be honest, I don’t know. I found this page:

www.mentalhealth.org.nz/assets/ResourceFinder/Explaining-Suicide-to-Chidren-and-Young-People.pdf

It looks helpful.

Thank you thank you for the links, that's exactly what I need. I don't know how any of us are going to process it, I just need something solid to hold on to when I tell DD. thank you.

You’re welcome It’s big, but you’ll come through it.

So sorry for your loss. I would take it in stages re telling your daughter. Let her know you have some sad news, and that her lovely auntie has died. If she doesnt ask how, i wouldnt tell her at this stage as the loss itself is enough for her to process. Leave the details until she asks for them herself xx

I'm so sorry OP. My dear friend ended her life when our older children were 27 and the younger ones 24 and it was still awful to process even as adults

Only you know if your DD is old enough to understand the concept of suicide or if it is better to just present it as an illness she died from (which of course is still true, just framed differently)

I’m so very sorry to hear that 💐

I think honesty is important, she will find out and making something up about it now will only make things worse when she does.

Kids often appear to have ‘take it in their stride’ (even be quite blasé) but it hits them later and then they ask questions, act out etc.

Keep talking to DD about her, keep her memory alive and DD will feel more able to talk to you.

I hope you have friends who you can lean on because you need the support of people outside of the situation.

I really am so very sorry for you, for DD and all of her family & friends, it’s so incredibly sad when people think it’s the only answer

How are you OP?

Oh no. I'm so sorry. I do think you need to be honest with your little one but not too honest. I'd just tell her Auntie has gone to heaven to live with the Angels. I don't think you need to go into detail about how she passed away.
My prayers and thoughts are with you all. x

Today has been hard. dds dad wants to be here when I tell her, and I want that too, but he and dd (and auntie) have just lost their DF /grandpa. It's so hard. All of my energy is for keeping things normal during the hours that dd is not at school or asleep. I'm doing ok with that so far. Having to tell close friends is hard. Finding out more about the circumstances has torn me to pieces. She was so talented, and funny, and caring, and I wish I had known just how much pain she was in.

I'm sorry for your loss.

If your dd is old enough to understand, maybe say her aunties mind was poorly and she passed away to be at peace. Tell her it's ok to be sad and our sadness shows us how much we loved her. Maybe talk to her about how it's important we talk about our feelings and that you have each other always. Tell her that her auntie loved her so much so that she will never leave her completely. There will always be a piece of her with her.

Oh OP. It’s so hard. I remember I would be totally together and ok for the DC, and my crying would be done in the spaces between things when alone - on the bus behind dark glasses, in the toilets at work. I did offload to friends and DH when I could.

It has its own process. Thoughts with you.

So very sorry for your loss OP.
I don't know if it's any use to you (or your DD) to think like this, but it's helped me in the past:
Your beautiful friend had an illness and that illness is what killed her.

My DC lost an uncle on their DFs side to suicide recently. Only thing I would say is to carefully word the news. Ex-H (dcs Dad) told them that their uncle had felt too sad to keep living (he wanted to be as honest as possible).

However, DC3 (aged 9) is now very panicky if I become upset at all (I'm a hormonal weeper!) and can't get to sleep easily.

On reflection, referring to an illness, rather than sadness, probably would have been easier for the dc to cope with.

Mainly though, keep talking and look after yourself as well as dd x

ballstoit makes a very good point. I've had depression and suicidal thoughts and had not survived it, no way I would want anyone confusing my children by telling them I died because I was 'too sad to live'. Factual but without too much detail is the way.
My thoughts are with you tonight OP.

Thank you again for your kind words, I had a good conversation with Winstons Wish today, they were really brilliant, and dd's dad and I have agreed to tell her tomorrow. I feel much more grounded now that I've seen him and this huge mountain we face is seeming more manageable.