Mum is dying and I’m pregnant 💔

[GabrielleSkyeBraith]

I am 21 and in September this year I moved back home to care for my mum after her terminal diagnoses. The pregnancy is unplanned but I also feel a blessing as only last week I said I feared coming home to the silence when she passes and now I’ve just found out I’m expecting. I don’t know how long I have with her and I am not sure how she will take it. I feel in someways selfish if I carry on with the pregnancy as I fear she’ll be depressed knowing she may never meet them. She’s always longed to be a nana after my older brother aborted his child 2 years ago but that was before things changed. But then it may give her some fight back to keep living to see them and hold them. I’m at a loss. She’s so unwell but she’s also lost her fight. My partner is being so supportive with whatever decision I make. Would a new life be the kickstart she needs to fight? Or is carrying on with pregnancy and risking it selfish? ❤️

I’m so so sorry you are going through this. I think the main influence over whether you keep this baby is what feels right for you. I think your DM would want you to be happy and to make the decision that is best for you. You wouldn’t be selfish to go ahead in the least.

And nor would it be wrong for you to decide not to go ahead with the pregnancy . There’s no right or wrong only how your feel and what you most wish to do. for you and your DM

OP, have a big hug. Your first pregnancy should be a time of happiness and hopes, and it is so sad and hard for you to be facing your poor mum’s terminal illness at the same time.
But as a PP said, you have to make the decision about the pregnancy entirely on the grounds of what is right for you.
I would imagine that your mum would be delighted at your news, and comforted to think that her family line will go on, whether or not she is still around to greet the new arrival. And for you, having a new baby with all that it entails, is something loving and wonderful to help lift you when you are struggling with the inevitable grief after your mum is gone.
I know it’s a different situation, but my DH died before our baby was 1 year old. Having two DC to love and look after kept me going through the grief, and gave me a reason to get up in the morning. Your own baby may help to pull you through the worst period of your own grief too.
Talk it over with your partner, OP, and decide what you would have done if there was no issue with your mum’s health. Then do that anyway, because it will be the right thing for you.
My prayers that you and your mum have as long as possible together, and that her eventual passing is peaceful and gentle. God bless.

Oh darling, I was in exactly the same position as you under 3 years ago and I also came to mumsnet to check that I wasn't being selfish having a baby when my mum was so ill but when I told her, she was absolutely over the moon even though the reality was that she wouldn't be around for the baby's life. We just took each day at a time, shared little chuckles and lots of gentle loving interactions, and that last few months my baby kept me going. It is the circle of life and you will see your lovely mum in your baby's eyes and all the love she gave you, you will be able to pass that on to your baby and you will feel closer to her than ever despite her not being physically with you.
It is truly heartbreaking and I am so sorry that you will be grieving but that little spark of life inside you will guide you through the darkest times.
I hope this helps you x

Thank you everyone for your messages! They helped me make my decision to keep the baby. My mum is overjoyed & she’s already picked up & is fighting hard to be around for July. She’s looking forward to the maternity appointment on the 20th December, no better Christmas present! The whole family is thrilled with the thought of a new bundle of joy.

Just a thought, it might be worth scheduling in a private scan or two, so your mum can meet your baby that way, even if sadly she doesn't make July hugs

So very sorry about your mum's diagnosis, but hopefully this news will give her something to look forward to and keep her going to meet her grandchild.

Thank you again everyone. And that’s a good idea, I’ve seen some friends have the 4D scans I’ll look in to it ☺️