Husband meeting up with ex

[Skyblue81]

Need some advice. I was on husband's phone today sending myself some photos he took of the kids via WhatsApp. While I was in the app I saw messages from a woman he had a few-months-long fling with before we met (around 8 years ago).

The messages were chatty and along the lines of 'how nice to be in touch again' from her side. It also seems that she initiated contact. They are planning on meeting in December when he'll be in London for an overnight stay for a work event/Xmas party, and they were confirming they could both make it on that date.

I am freaking out about this, and just need some outside perspective. I'm currently 39 weeks pregnant so may be a little hormonally unstable.

Should I confront him straight away about it? Or shall I wait to see if he tells me he's meeting her?

If I confront him now he'll just say "Oh yeah, no big deal, I was going to tell you. " I'm inclined to just wait and see if he mentions it. If he does then fine, but if not, then I know I need to be concerned.

Also...WTF...I'm about to give birth to his baby why the fuck is he re-connecting with an old fuck buddy (which is what it was) and arranging to meet her when he'll be staying alone one night in London?! Am I being naive to think this could all be innocent???

Also AIBU to be cross that he's planning on going to London for an overnight stay for a work Xmas do while I'm home with a 2 week old baby? I was annoyed when he told me it was a work event, but now I know he's tying it in with seeing an old flame that really makes it much worse. Right?!

I know it will be very hard but I would wait to see if he mentions it. If he dsnt, when he gets back wait to see if he mentions it when he's telling you how it all went. U are defo not BU. I think the Xmas night away Is Okish but the whole ex thing is not! Especially when ur going to have his baby any minute now! X

I wouldn’t be happy about this at all OP, especially as he hasn’t told you about this meeting.

This sounds awful & I would flip!! You’ve held it together well so far! This is not ok! There’s no reason to stay over when you have a tiny baby and there is certainly no reason to be meeting up with a fuck buddy. I’d say don’t let him go but if someone wants to cheat you can’t stop them, they’ll always find a way. I’d be having serious words about all this. I’m so sorry OP

If it was innocent, he’d have mentioned it.

Hell no. I wouldn’t stand for that. But I’d bide my time and see what happens. Knowledge is power my girl!

I'd wait and see if he mentions it. Otherwise I'd always be wondering whether he would have tried to keep it a secret, and why?

Maybe I'm naive, but I think I'd stop it in its tracks rather than try to catch him in a trap. Surely it's better to prevent a situation that could wreck your relationship rather than deal with the aftermath of something that could have been avoided.

FWIW, I'd be going ballistic that he's planning this meet up. I'd expect him to be consumed with apology and regret. And I'd be expecting him to come home after the party rather than stay over.

Nope, you're right to be pissed off.

You cannot play any wait and see games when you are 39w pregnant - it’s just wrong on so many levels.

I am angry for you as I would be for any woman having to go through this when all you should be doing is focusing on your birth your baby and the first Christmas you will all have together.

Is this out of character for him?
Has he ever betrayed you before?
Are you both on board with this baby?
Has his behaviour changed at all of late?

So many questions but the truth could frame this as really innocent (but the signs point otherwise).

I am so sorry you are having to go through this shit. Is this baby your first?

I would be very very unhappy about this. You are absolutely not over reacting. to be honest, He should have mentioned he was meeting her already.

I usually go by someone’s hinest6 as to whether they have innocent intentions or not.

If he said something like ‘Oh so and so messaged me the other day, they’ll be in London when I am etc.’ then I wouldn’t be concerned. Because I’d say something like that to DH if an old friend had messaged me.

BUT if he’s hiding it then it’s obvious that he might have an idea that maybe it might not end up innocent at the end of the night.

Personally its my opinion that it’s best not to try to stop things like this happening, only because you’d then still be in a relationship where he technically hasn’t done anything wrong, but you now would know he wanted to. You might drive yourself mad with paranoia.

I’m sorry OP, you are at such a vulnerable time right now.

Sorry he's doing this to you. What an arsehole.

Casual question to ask him:

"Hey, so what's happening with this work do? Are you going to a particular restaurant? How about after? Are you going for drinks with everyone together?"

Make sure that your question directly covers the time he's pencilled in for meeting her.

If he lies to your face in responding you have serious problems.

I wouldn't mention it. Let it play out and see what happens. He might make his excuses and not meet her.

Were they friends or was it only ever sex?

You could go to 42 weeks. Have a C- section and need help, struggle with feeding/sleep. He might not even go to London.

Are you sure the Christmas do is on?