DH sulking.

[iwishiwasasleep]

What would you think if DH sulked for nearly 2 days and didn't speak to you other than a yes or no in a sulky quiet voice when asked a direct question?

It was after an argument where he admitted he was mostly in the wrong (he was 95% in the wrong IMO).

We are under a bit of stress and DFIL died last month. We rarely argue (maybe once a year or less) but he always does this when we do.

We have 2 DC (10 & 14). He talked to them a bit but they kept asking what was going on with him as he seemed very glum and quiet.

His father died only a month ago? Id cut him a bit of slack at the moment.

I agree, he's still coming to terms with his grief.

When my father died I went to bereavement counselling. I didn't treat everyone around me like shit.

Yes I agree, sorry. It may be that he’s acting the same as he always does, but for now I’d leave it and tackle at a later date.

Nothing wrong with a nice, quiet sulk. It's better than him having a tantrum, shouting and throwing things, like so many men on here. He'll come round...

When my father died I went to bereavement counselling. I didn't treat everyone around me like shit.

This poster is hugely unreasonable to assume everyone manages grief in the same way. How self absorbed.

OP, sulking for 2 days certainly isn’t ideal but I think in the circumstances he deserves a bit of slack

The OP's upset enough to post on MN. Their children have noticed. People with families do need to manage their grief, and talk about it, or it affects family life detrimentally.

It's hard to support someone who's sulking.

I'll take the advice and cut him some slack.

As I said he always does this though.

It can be hard to behave kindly when grieving. No wonder this country has so many problems with treating mental health.

Poor man isn’t likely to have grief counselling on the NHS a month after his father has passed away!

As I said he always does this though

You'll get a more sympathetically practical response on the Relationships board, tbh.

Was anything hurtful said in the argument that he is thinking about?

In the past has he explained why he is quiet for a few days? What usually makes him snap out of it?

Why would you be instigating a conversation about how often a person was "wrong" and going so far as to calculate the percentage (in your opinion) when they have just lost a parent and are grieving?

Sorry just re read the op and you said it was after an argument, not instigated by you. But I still think you should cut him some slack at this time

He hasn't had grief counseling. He wasn't that close to him but it was still a shock. I will suggest it to him in a few days time. I don't want to say anything today that might cause another argument.

Normally, he would apologise after a day or so and then things would go back to normal but it upsets me and the DC. I feel like the argument is bad enough. I don't need the sulking for a day or two afterwards.

Bluesheep Because he was 100% in the wrong and I was just trying to be nice.

I just wanted to explain (maybe in the wrong way) that I didn't do anything awful to warrant the sulking. If anyone should have been sulking it should have been me.

OP, some people call it 'stonewalling', if you want to check it out.

Why would grieving for a relative make someone sulk for 2 days ? Especially when it's what they always do after an argument ?
How do you know when the grieving is over and you can call them on it ?

If he always acts like this then it’s not to do with his fathers death.

It’s because he’s punishing you for disagreeing with him. To make sure you don’t do it again, or if you do, you know what will happen.

It’s a control technique .

Ah ok, I understand better now. Have also read the op again and you said he does this regularly. So as a pp has said, how do you differentiate between grief/shock and his usual sulking pattern? It must be difficult to know how to operate with him.