How cooperative are your 8-10 yr olds?

[BiscuitDrama]

After a dreadful weekend, I’ve spent all the time getting them to do the basics and have run out of energy for the nice stuff. I’m thinking by this age it shouldn’t be quite so hard.

I’m finding that for example for going out, somewhere nice that they want to go:
Told them the day before that we are going ‘in the morning’
Told them first thing we are going to leave ‘around nine’
Giving ten minutes notice that we are going once breakfasted and dressed
Then asked them to put coat and shoes on
And asked again every few minutes
Then shouted at them
Then shouted at them big time
Finally they get ready

Same for asking them to pick up a pile of wet clothes after they all went out in the rain (which I’m fine with)
Same for picking up polystyrene which I’d told them not to play with and was all over the floor
Same for getting ready for bed etc.

May have some austistic bits going on, eldest currently being investigated.

But do other people live like this? Am I just doing it wrong? I spent forty minutes sporadically telling middle one to get ready for bed while putting the other two to bed. Nothing.

Argh.

If it makes you feel better, yesterday I told my eight year old that we were popping to the supermarket...I had half an hour of moaning, whinging, refusing to get ready etc!

I don't know if there is a surge of hormones around this age, but both my two became really difficult and uncooperative around this age.

Our normally very helpful 8 nearly 9 year old has been a bit of a bloody nightmare recently. Despite dressing independently since toddler age, has suddenly lost all ability to get dressed even in the face of repeated requests for them to do so.

Bedtime is slightly easier, as I separate it out, but we've had to become tougher due to slackness at this age.

same TBH.

I spend a lot of time being ignored while smiling and asking nicely in my best Mary Poppins voice, before inevitably resorting to the sergeant major approach.

That does make me feel better. Thanks.

I’m even struggling to separate them at bedtime tbh as middle one just won’t get out of whatever room I’m in.

We play distraction tricks- kids ask Alexa to play a favourite song and they have to see if they can get dressed/ ready before song finishes.

That’s interesting that you still have to, woolster so not just us!

My 9 year old can be an utter nightmare for this. I'm accustomed to and can tolerate up to a point (ADHD to be fair) the need for frequent reminders to get dressed/eat breakfast/get pyjamas on, what gets me is when I raise my voice on the twelfth reminder I get loud, dramatic, flouncing "I'm sorry's" as if I was the unreasonable one.

And then I get mornings like this morning when he just appears fully dressed while I'm still in the shower, and he's ready and waiting for me by the front door and double checking I've put an apple in his bag.

Depends on mood. Sometimes I have to watch my ten year old like a hawk; sometimes she's incredibly thoughtful and helpful. She's generally more thoughtful when the TV hasn't been on, and more cooperative when I bribe her with 'TV later'

It's not just you. I think they're looking for the edges of acceptable behaviour. It's wearing, though. I helped at a school event, giving out one free treat to every child. The most persistently annoying 'please can I have another one, no not another one, it's my first one honest' kids were all aged 8-11.

Mine are 9 & 11. I like to think of myself as quite a patient calm parent. Until I’ve been trying to get them up and ready in the morning for half an hour+, then I have to get mad and shouty. Which results in us all leaving the house in a foul mood 👍🏼

I could have written this (and had to double check I hadn't in my sleep or something). Eldest also poss with ASD but debating whether to approach a diagnosis or not.

sometimes it can go really well and i get a calm reasonable polite funny charming chap. most of the time recently i get ignored or shouting and crying if I ask him to do things.

its draining. it's very like having a 3 year old at times - i have one of those too and between them sometimes it's just too much.

Mum your so unfair and mum you hate me. Two delightful things my 9 year old regularly says at the moment. Usually when I have nicely asked a simple request - eg please put your plate in the sink. That and bedtimes are dreadful - he just won’t go to sleep. But then I get the moments where he cuddles into me with his head on my lap and it reminds me he is still very much my little boy.

My DS is nearly 9 and he is exactly like this. Swings between being the most delightful, gorgeous child and then a small demon who has to argue about everything, have the last word and is a pain in the backside. Simple requests get dramatic rolling on the floor and I'm the worst mum ever and he hates me. 5 mins later he's offering to feed the cats or make me a drink!ever

He also cries a lot over nothing which is hard work.

That’s really interesting. Thanks everyone. I don’t know whether to be cheered or depressed!

Draining, yes, thank you Raaraaboonah, not just me. I feel like my own personal battery just doesn't hold it's charge for long lately, I need to be tagged out from parenting more often. The huge over reactions that are really difficult to manage, especially with an audience, more so when the audience is his own peers. Tempting to just stay at home to avoid embarrassing scenes.

But then lately he has also been very loving at times, out of the blue says "thanks for being a good mum", hunted me down specially to thank me for making a nice dinner, I assumed DH had sent him to say this, sensing I was at a low ebb, but apparently not.

I have two boys 7 and 10. They go through phases of this. I made up this thing where they can earn 'straight away stars' for doing things when asked straight away. They get a sticky star to put on a chart every time they do something they're asked straight away and then when the chart is full they get to have a rummage in a bag of prizes (little cars and stuff I find on my travels around charity shops!). They got quite into it - I got bored of doing it after a while and it fizzled out but they haven't (yet!) relapsed to frustrating and infuriating levels of arsing about when I ask them to do anything.

I think the key thing is that the prizes are secret so they don't weigh up whether it is worth doing what they are asked straight away or not. Plus there is an element of competition in that they want to get a prize before the other.

I have three hovering around that age group. Nice to not feel like the only one... I feel your pain. Mine are driving me slowly insane

a slow trip to insanity is what i feel too.

yesterday we had a 'discussion' as he had refused to put a coat on when we had to go out. i put the coat in the car anyway as it was ruddy freezing and then he complained he was cold so i told him to put it on. all mindless and pointless dispute right?

until later that evening he called me a liar for saying that he hadn't put his coat on earlier. sometimes i feel like i'm mad - my own child is gaslighting me.

but then he tells me that i'm the best mum ever and he loves me more than anything in the world.

His teacher recently mentioned that he thought he has autistic traits and we might want to look at getting a diagnosis for him so now i'm wondering how much is standard 9 year old and what might be something additional related to that or anxiety. i've never had a 9 year old before - i don't know what they are 'supposed' to do! #outofdepthparenting

@Raaraaboonah I gave mine short shrift yesterday for twisting my words. I'm going to be all over it from now. It becomes very "poor me" mentality.

Oh shit, I was hoping he'd suddenly become cooperative the second he turns 8. You guys are telling me it gets worse. Oh fuck!!!

I’ve nagged my 9yo dd for weeks to tidy her bedroom. The deal is she gets horse riding lessons. She hasn’t had a lesson in two weeks 🤷🏼‍♀️ Has saved us a few quid.

My 10 year old ds is grumpy, resistant to any kind of change and uncooperative. It’s nothing to do with his age, he has always been like this.
My 7 year old dd can’t do enough for you.

Both of mine can be so, SO difficult when they're sucked into something and would rather do that than whatever mundane thing I have planned/is necessary for survival.

I'd love to have the handbook that tells you how long to be Mary Poppins for, and when to switch to Roaring Overlord mode, and whether there are any inbetween stages.

I like the Straight Away Stars idea!