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Original poster

Visiting hospice.

35 replies

Vi37 · 24/11/2018 21:21

Hi everyone, I’m just looking for people who have visited a hospice to visit a loved one. My mother in law has just been put in one today due to terminal cancer, her pain can’t be controlled successfully at home. I just want any insight as to what they’re like before we go so I can prepare myself ( I have post natal depression/anxiety and ocd) we’re taking our 10 month old son too so anyone who have taken their children in would be great. Thanks in advance.

OP posts:

BaileysOnToast · 24/11/2018 21:32

My mum was in a hospice. She had been terrified of going years before she needed to but when she needed to she was fine.
Loving relaxing environment. Far less clinical than a hospital.
I spent my 30th birthday there and had s nice day, got pizza delivered.
Likely single rooms so should be fine for your little one.

BaileysOnToast · 24/11/2018 21:32

*lovely not loving.well as lovely as it can be.

ShirazSavedMySanity · 24/11/2018 21:33

A very calm place with incredibly well trained, sensitive and kind staff.
They couldn’t do enough for us and my MIL and the children were a welcome distraction to everyone - although they were only there in the beginning.

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Romanmonkey · 24/11/2018 21:34

My grandad was in a hospice. It seemed a lot nicer than a hospital. Less medical smelling. Fewer people, calmer. It was much nicer than I expected.

Romanmonkey · 24/11/2018 21:34

And very kind staff.

Romanmonkey · 24/11/2018 21:34

for you, dh and your mil

twinklebee · 24/11/2018 21:37

I spent an awful lot of time in one with my mum. It was home from home and we felt so safe there. The staff are amazing and the care is so special. It was absolutely the best possible place to be and I'm forever grateful for the care my mum received there. Sending you lots of love at a difficult time xx

Original poster

Vi37 · 24/11/2018 21:39

Thank you so much, he’s a bit of a screamer if he sees people he doesn’t know so I was worried about that and health etc.

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VictoriaBun · 24/11/2018 21:40

My mother spent less than 24 hours in the hospice before she passed. The care given to her was much better than I could do at home. She was in a single room with French doors, it was very private and I got to spend all those hours with her with very little medical intervention, only to do obs and check her syringe driver and make sure she was comfortable . When she died and the nurse came in she actually congratulated my mum on having a good death ( might sound weird but at the time it was the right thing to say)

Andro · 24/11/2018 21:44

The one I visited was lovely - as odd as it seems to use that word - when you walked it you just knew it was right. They cared for everyone not just the patient, it takes special HCP's to do that kind of work! Your Mil and her family will be well supported!

Original poster

Vi37 · 24/11/2018 21:45

Thank you for taking time to reply everyone, so sorry for all your losses. Xx

OP posts:

myrtleWilson · 24/11/2018 21:45

Most hospices have facilities for families/children (toys in a family room etc) the one my sister was in had a little adventure trail in the garden outside - the gardens are usually nice spaces too so whilst your ds will be too little for any adventure trail you can probably be assured that there will be outside space if you want to take him for a little walk...

Notreallyhere23 · 24/11/2018 21:45

As others have said my experience of visiting a loved one in the hospice was the calmness and the care from the staff. The nurses in hospital were lovely but in the hospice there was another level of tact, warmth and understanding.

Justlikedevon · 24/11/2018 21:56

My mum was in a hospice for 12 weeks. I used to take dd but only for short periods and went for longer alone.
Staff were so kind and caring.
Check rules around flowers, we were allowed to take them but they had few vases, so I took one in for her room.
The staff used to put the side down on the bed so I could get on next to her and give her cuddles.
When she died, I asked for donations to the hospice in lieu of flowers. They really did make her last months as gentle as possible.

divafever99 · 24/11/2018 22:04

Hi op, I've worked in hospices for over 10 years, and visited several others. They are welcoming, and have a homely feel, as they are much small than hospitals. Visiting times are usually very flexible, and children are welcome. I have taken my 3 month old daughter into one when visiting a family member and she got lots of attention! Most have family rooms/lounges where you can go if you need a bit of a break with your little one. Lots of people think they are scary places, but they are not. I'm sorry your family are having to go through this, but I am sure she will be very well looked after. Please feel free to ask me any specific questions if there is anything else you would like to know.

Bacciferous · 24/11/2018 22:07

I've only been to one. It was to see my lovely friend. I was really freaked out at the thought of going there at first but I didn't need to be. She was in the most wonderful place. She was more comfortable than she could be at home and she was so well looked after. The staff were kind and warm.

viques · 24/11/2018 22:13

Strangely the one thing hospices are not is sad. Sad things happen there of course, but the atmosphere is usually so calm and supportive that the sadness becomes almost secondary to the positivity in supporting patients and families towards the patients last few hours of life.

Brittanyspears · 24/11/2018 22:15

My experience was wonderful suportive staff, peaceful, clean and well decorated rooms. Wishing you and your family all the best.

myrtleWilson · 24/11/2018 22:17

I've said this on other threads about hospices so apologies for being a bore... when my younger sister was in the hospice (she was in twice - once for a period of pain management and secondly for a few days before she died) the care of all the staff - from Drs to catering teams was amazing.

One teeny small thing that stood out to me was when the HCA team would come into my sister's room to 'freshen her up'. At this stage she was asleep/on lots of pain medication/not conscious really - but they would shoo us all (kindly) out of the room and give her a wash, change her night clothes and always always brush and restyle her hair into something 'nice" It really touched me as epitomising the heart of what a hospice is all about - personal care and attention, focusing not on "patients" but on the person.

Original poster

Vi37 · 24/11/2018 22:27

Thank you all so much, I think if I was going on my own I could just snap out of it and deal with it, it’s because we’re taking our son that’s upsetting me although at 10 months I know he won’t remember any of it. I have severe health anxiety and ocd towards my son trying to keep him safe and protect him too which is not helping. X

OP posts:

bellinisurge · 24/11/2018 22:28

The one my Mum died in was a lovely place. They joked with my Mum that she could have a G&T if she wanted. Light, airy. Peaceful.

bimbobaggins · 24/11/2018 22:32

Hi op
I don’t know if you know but in the health section there is a life limiting illness section which I found invaluable when my exp was admitted to a hospice.

Fluffyears · 24/11/2018 23:12

Fil passed away in one and my own dad in hospital. The hospice was nicer and more dignified. My dad was slowly suffocating and he was on a ward. His curtains were drawn and someone visiting the next bed put his head round the walked in a grabbed a chair. He was only moved when he was very close to the end.

In the hospice they came and checked the morphine was continual so there was no pain. Although fil was unconscious they spoke to him as if he was awake ‘ok jack we’re just going to change the driver so you’ll feel me touch your tummy.’ Or ‘hi jack we’re just going to swab your mouth to
Keep it from drying out.’ Even the priest canebto visit as it was run by a catholic organisation even though fil was Church of Scotland. The Church of Scotland minister was welcomed. They asked if we’d like tea and I thought it would be a polystyrene cup job. A full hostess trolley came in with tea, coffee, sugar bowls, a plate of nice biscuits and an urn if hot water. The staff were wonderful. Caring but unobtrusive. When fil passed away we left the room and they had dressed him in his new pyjamas and cleaned his body, he was laid out with flowers in his hands and the window open. They let us stay as long as we wanted ( to be honest I wanted to go but mil wanted to stay. The fact he was dead unnerved me they then let us gather ourselves in the family room. It was private,kind and dignified.

Spudlet · 24/11/2018 23:19

MiL passed away in a hospice. Honestly, it was probably the best place she could have gone to. It was calm, peaceful, there was a lovely garden and a children's / family room so we could take ds (under 2 at the time), her pain was controlled and she died peacefully, and with dignity.

I was a little apprehensive about visiting as well, but it was a good place. Full of kindness and care.

Original poster

Vi37 · 24/11/2018 23:28

I feel much more relaxed about it now, still a little scared but thank you so so much each and every one of you for all your replies. Xx

OP posts:

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