To resign or not to resign? Driving myself potty, going backwards and forwards.

[Flamingoose]

Reason for resigning: It's just getting too bloody hard working full time with three kids. I feel stretched to breaking point. I never get to do fun stuff. I'm worried about eldest (12yo) and feel that she really needs more of me than she's getting. I worry about youngest (6yo) because the other two had me at home when they were six and she doesn't.

Average days are fine (we finally have great pre-school and after-school care set up, kids v happy with that) but the school holidays are hell, I don't know any of the other parents, I feel like I'm sprinting to keep up from the minute my alarm goes off. I'm just so tired.

Reason not to resign: We need the money tbh - we'd manage without it but it would be tight. I LOVE my job. I don't want to stay at home with nothing but housework to do with three kids out at school. I'll be lonely and bored. And skint.

...But I could do some work from home (tutoring) which might keep me busy, if not pay as well.

... And I'm not going to look back on my life and wish I'd spent less time with my children...

Well I know what I would do. I would resign and not look back, but you are not me and you love your job which makes a huge difference.

Fwiw I can relate somewhat. After my previous mat leave it resigned from my well paying full time job that I loved (but did not love my boss) and found a part time job working from home. Life has been infinitely easier although we are more skint and can't do as much fun stuff that costs. Our children are also tiny so it's a different dynamic, in fact I'm on mat leave 3 with a newborn at the moment so no time to be bored.

If you're thinking about resigning why not book a block of parental leave. You could use the time to focus on your children and in the day time try and set up some work/a business. Then at the end of the leave reassess how you feel and see what you want to do. If anything it might given you an idea as to whether your children do need you as much as you think they do. Is there an option to do your job part time?

Hi - i normally work two and a half days with 10 & 8 year old DC but last week did the full week. I hated it. The kids having to get up much earlier and home later and then rushing round to get to clubs & fit in homework. Everyone was miserable at some point. I could not do that long term - I would have to be on the breadline. Explore all your working/career options before making the decision. Would it be possible to take a break from full time for a few years with a view to going back?

The one part of your post that stood out was the fact that you love your job. Do not resign. Finding a job you love is hard. Your dcs will grow up and you may be left doing a job you don't love or have no job at all.

Can you try to go down to 4 days. Can your DH take some of the load off you?

Check your options first before doing anything.

Can you do a job share, reduce your hours during the school holidays, work one day at home?

Thing that stands out here is that you are saying I and me the whole time. What about your partner? Can’t he step up?

Otherwise I would be trying to go part time in your situation. I work part time with two young dc and I find it pretty good usually, though exhausting enough tbh!

I felt a bit self indulgent posting this, but I'm glad I did. You have all raised useful points and it's helpful to think it through.

Funnily enough Maverick I recently took 2 weeks off to be at home and family life was SO much more pleasant for everyone. I was absolutely sure I was going to resign. But then I went back and... well, I do love what I do. And I'm good at it. I'm a teacher for young adults. It's so rewarding, and I feel like I make a difference, and I would miss it. Not just the job itself, but the feeling of having a purpose. And I like to be busy, just not THIS busy.

But then I could easily take a couple of years off and go back to it, especially if I were privately tutoring in the meantime.

If it weren't for the money I would definitely take one for the team and resign. Yes, I'd be sad to leave my job but so what, my children are far more important and they need me. I'd make it work.

But then I think about how skint we'll be. We have a close family wedding to go to next year and I'm wondering how we'll afford it without my salary.

Unfortunately part time isn't an option. It just doesn't exist in this industry.

You still haven't mentioned your DH. Is he around?

Are you sure they wouldn't agree to a job share?

DH is brilliant. He works really long days. He leaves the house before 7 to get eldest to her squad training and usually picks various kids up from activities on his way home at 7. We're a great team and he does what he can, but his job is really demanding and he's just not here as much as I am. Poor bugger hates his job but we definitely can't afford to lose his salary. I earn much less than him because I took time out when the kids were tiny.

So one of you loves their job and the other hates it. And you are looking to give up the loved job?

For me it would be too big a sacrifice. Is there an option for DH to change job, even if it involves a cut in salary? If it means that you can keep working.

I think you shouldn't do anything hasty. I'm in a similar boat in terms of working full time and feeling like I'm just running like a crazy hamster in a wheel but I'm also very aware that having two salaries means we are going to have a lovely Christmas and holiday next year and we can afford new shoes for the DC without worrying. We could live on one salary but it would be a mean existence and if something happened like the boiler needed replacing for thousands we'd be in trouble. Is there anyway you can simplify life like the number of activities the DC have? Get a cleaner? Hire someone to do pick ups from activities. Online shopping? (I do my food shopping during dull meetings online). Maybe you're doing all that anyway so apologies if I'm not helping!

That's a tough one OP!
Could you take a year out with the intention of going back?
Time to re-group and all the while look for part time (just in case a rare one pops up)?

That way you get the time out, but money and job wise (you clearly love your job) you can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Morning Flamingo, I recently had to make that decision, and I went back and forth for ages as well, for the same reasons as you. I have eventually settled on working 5 days hours over 4 days, because we're all up and out so early the extra hours fit in much more easily than i thought they might, and the one day "off" each week makes everything else balance - some of the domestic stuff is actually enjoyable because i have time to do it. Would that be an option, you could try 10 days over 9 if that works better for you ? Xx

If you’re good at your job you’re in a strong position to negotiate 4 days a week, term time only or a job share. You might be the first person to ask but that doesn’t mean the answer will definitely be no. If it would be easy to return to the work after a break of a few years there is likely a skills shortage and you are in demand. Use this to your advantage.

I would never give up financial security and nor would I swap a job I loved for doing more housework and driving kids around. I did that for years and it drove me mad (literally as it happens!).

If you can’t reduce hours and the school holidays are the hellish times, could you get a full time holiday nanny? Someone who can drive and do activities with the kids but who also just lets them hang about and see their friends, whilst keeping on top of the tidyness and kids washing?