Will - wwyd when all assets come from one spouse

[kimberlyyanth]

Wanted to put my thinking down before I talk to DH and see what others think. We are in our early 40s, good health, earn roughly the same have 2 young children, married for 13 years. The marriage is good and we care about each other deeply - no reason to think we will break up. We have put off making a will for too long and I want to put things in place now. He is level headed most of the time but can be overly sensitive when talking about money as he grew up with his parents always worrying about money and some idiot friends have made comments about how he got lucky marrying me over the years.

My family have gifted me, and subsequently us, assets and sums of money over the years for which we are grateful. They do view and treat DH as a son and trust him to do the right thing. They have also been clear that they have made arrangements to leave their estate to me and my brother in their will, and if they should outlive either me or my brother, our half share would be passed to our children. The amount will be a significant sum.

DH has 2 much younger sisters and his parents are of modest means. They are very generous with their time and help us out with childcare and we all get along well. They have never expected financial help from us. They get by but still have a sizeable mortgage so they don't know when they will be able to retire. The girls have started working but the prospect of home ownership is in the distant future.

I was happy to put in my will that I will leave all of the assets that I currently own to DH in the event of my death (Scenario 1) so that he has the funds to raise our children until they reach adulthood as I do view the gifted money/assets as ours and I would expect him to agree to the same. I do have niggling doubts in the event he remarries, and or go on to have more children whether there is anything I can do to make sure my children are the main beneficiaries. Is this too controlling? I do want DH to have some flexibility as we are an international family, maybe I just have to trust him to do the right thing?

If both DH and I die (Scenario 2), we would put the estate in trust for the benefit of our children and the appointed guardians/trustees would be given access, etc. I think this is straight forward.

Another area where I am struggling with my thoughts is in the event we and the children all die at the same time (Scenario 3), would it be fair to want all of our assets to be passed to my brother as they have all come from my parents? Would this be viewed as a snub to my in laws? DH's family need the money more than my brother but I feel guilty if we split it 50/50 between my brother and DH's family as my parents made huge sacrifices during their working lives to get to where they are.

What would you do? For scenario 1 set up a trust and be controlling from beyond the grave, or leave it all to DH and hope for the best? For scenario 3 - split it a different percentage? Leave a defined sum for DH's family?

Sorry, that was much longer than I thought

The chances of you and the kids all dying together are so very low that I don't think I'd risk upsetting people by worrying too much about that scenario. But the money isn't your brother's just because it's your parents it's come from. It belongs to your family now. It's probably fairer to split it between siblings in that situation.

If you were to die first, it is possible to leave some or all of your assets directly to your DC and not your DH, to reduce the risk of him remarrying and having conflicting priorities. You can leave your spouse an "interest in possession" in a house - allowing them to live there the rest of their life but it's owned in trust to the children. But that does give him less flexibility if he finds he needs the money to manage without you.

In this case, I would split half/ half. Second wives can be venal. ( bitter experience).

We have just re-done our wills. If either of us dies then our half of our estate is held in trust for our children.

This is quite common nowadays according to my solicitors and means if my DH re-married that my 'share' would still go to my children.

Me and Dp discussed this. We are planning on moving in together next year. It's my house. I paid the deposit with money from my divorce.

In the event of my death the house goes to my kids. With him having the right to live there.

He has no biological kids. He has 3 step kids, but as his ex wife was older than him 3 were teens when they met. They don't consider him their dad. The youngest was a toddler and does consider dp as his dad.

I have said if we move and buy together, then dps share can be left to his stepson. But he isn't included yet. Dps concern is that I could then write his step son out. Given he lives out of the country and I have never met him, I get dps reservations. I wouldn't but totally get dps concerns. I am concerned if I went first he could write my kids out of the will.

We are getting married so thisbeoild change again and planning on having a child. Which will change it again.

Personally, in your case op, if something happened to all the kids I would split yours and your husbands asserts between both sides of the family.

The assert of your marriage are either shared or they aren't. You can't say it's all half the, but goes to your family. Would it really impact your brother if you left some to dhs sisters? It's unlikely to happen, so doesn't matter that much. The principle of it may do. I would feel my dh was basically saying 'it's my families money.

In the first situation I would leave some to the kids in trust. And some to dh with dh being allowed to live in the house.

Open discussion goes a long way - if my DH dies first, his assets come to me but he has a clause in the wills that his mum keeps possession of her flat (which he owns) for life. I can't imagine a scenario where I'd kick her out but I'm absolutely not offended that he - and our solicitor - included the clause. It's common sense to put clear decisions down in writing against all scenarios.
So whatever you decide and whatever your solicitor advises you need to have an open discussion about why and your thinking. If your DH is sensitive to this due to arsehole comments from friends in the past make sure you find a good time and place to do it sensibly and kindly in case it does push some buttons.

Generally speaking, I would say you each leave each other all assets. However, when you mention about your parents (and I take it what you have already inherited) was meant to be passed down your family, made me think again.

However, if these assets are currently jointly owned, I do not believe you can independently put these into trust in your will if your husband has ownership claim.
If you are talking property or tangible assets that can be separated from assets obtained jointly with your husband (ie, he contributed to) and you want to ensure ownership in your own, then I’d leave in a trust for your husband for life, passing to your children (or grandchildren), if all predecesse you, then pass to your brother.

I’m saying this because my MIL worked very hard all her life. She was the force (idea, brains, business acumen) that created my in law’s business. Both PIL had same will on agreement. They left everything to each other firstly, then to grandchildren of spouse predeceses. Properties to be sold and proceeds to grandchildren. MIL died, FIL inherited her assets and portion of business (shares in their company that owns the properties). My MIL wasn’t buried yet when FIL started dating this woman, who has now moved in and FIL has changed his will. Thus far, we’re told, in current will she has life interest in the properties (significant income from rent plus living in one) then passing to grandchildren. We are fully expecting all will go to her. We do believe if it were possible, MIL is rolling in her grave.

I would think that the chances are minimal but there (e.g. plane crash). In these circs I would split across the siblings. Yes lots of it would come from your parents originally but will have increased because you and dh have invested it. Also you prob both hold large life insurance policies which would pay out. Think of it like that. And let's face it, in reality should that happen I can't imagine your brother or parents caring much about the cash!

I’d have a chat with your DH about what he’d expect to do in scenario one; my mum remarried after my dad died and in her will both she and her new husband have kept it very clear that their respective money would go to their own children. If he had more children I don’t think you can do much about what he then does with that money and whether you’d want your children in a situation with a sibling where they had a lot more money and the difficulty that could cause.
I wouldn’t worry too much about the third scenario; you could split it 30:70

We have similar. My DH inherited a large sum from his DF. Plus he is a high earner and so has contributed a lot more to our coffers than me.

We have left everything to each other as I do trust he would do the right thing by our children (and vice versus). We treat everything as ours now anyway.

In the event of us and the children all dying at the same time we have an unequal split between my sister and her family and my SIL and hers - 30/70. It was what my DH wanted and tbh I don't care - I will be dead!

I think I would do half to partner and half to children too. At then moment all of our money is our own (in that it's not been passed on or inherited) but I do have concerns about my 'half' of the house going to another woman and potentially her children if I died. Mostly from reading mumsnet! And I have a 90k pension fund which I was debating leaving solely to my daughter through an expression of wish as it's currently half to partner and half to daughter. But then if I died he'd probably need it! And we've got another on the way now. It's tricky. I think I would be very cross if he left everything to the children and left me in the lurch financially. But it seems to me to be more likely that he would meet someone else who would have no or less assets while if I met someone else they're more likely to have their own house, as the inequality between men and women working and owning property and pensions is unfortunately still very much about.

I brought a lot more money to our marriage than my husband. But we have been together for fourteen years now, it is ours not mine. We have been thinking about getting a will written up and in the scenario that we die together, we will distribute evenly between his relations and mine, in fact maybe even a bit more to his as there are more of them.

I'd separate out your own money and money that your family has given you, and leave the latter to your dc. Might be an idea to see a solicitor who specialises in wills and trusts.

Thank you so much for your input. It's so good to get different viewpoints on this situation. I didn't even consider that Scenario 1 was more likely to happen than 2 or 3! Feeling a bit silly now.

I actually rang my mum and brought this up as she is the voice of reason. She said wills always need to be updated but for now I should only think about the assets we currently hold and not what happens if I outlive my parents. So I should leave everything to DH in scenario 1 because as it stand he will and should be the rightful owner of all assets that are jointly ours as of now. She thinks he is a decent person and will do right by the children.

Parents will adjust their wills so that my children benefit fully from what would have been my share when they pass away.

She did also say to split it 50/50 between mine and his family in scenario 3 as no-one would care if the worst happens!

This makes a lot of sense to me and echos a lot of the advice on here so I feel I have my answer now. It's not bulletproof but I feel it's right for our current situation.

Thank you everyone for taking the time to help me with your advice.