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I just can’t be the bigger person again!!!

25 replies

Solongtoshort · 22/11/2018 21:40

In my work there’s a woman who is the cause or involved in 75% of the drama. She is not happy working here there’s always something wrong. I am just bored of it,my manager knows this.

However something happened the other week which l got the blame for, however l wasn’t actually in work and when l pointed it out, she blew her top about how l never take responsibility, obviously l do nothing wrong blah blah blah. This has on 2 other occasions.

I generally get on with her and as l pass where she lives on the way home l drop her off.

Well l did, until last week l decided l had had enough and l am done with her. However because l think it’s nice to be nice if l am passing l would never leave someone to waiting in the rain at the bus stop. But l have done every night since st week and l just feel mean as it is so cold.

But l just can’t do it anymore, l think it makes me look like s mug giving her a lift when she is just so rude to/about me and not just on one occasion. Tonight she was talking loudly before we left how she has no money till she gets paid next week so she was going to be walking home. I thought l just can’t do it, so when it was time to go l lingered for a bit so did she, after 5 mins l just got up and said bye everyone and left, l got to my car and took a phone call so aa l was driving down there she is walking down. Her walk must be always an hour. I was thinking should l offer her a lift but l didn’t.

But the thing is l just feel so mean now.

OP posts:
sackrifice · 22/11/2018 21:43

She shouldn't be such a nasty piece of work then should she?

Holidayshopping · 22/11/2018 21:44

However something happened the other week which l got the blame for, however l wasn’t actually in work and when l pointed it out, she blew her top about how l never take responsibility

Apologies if this is obvious, but was it your fault? As of course, things can happen when you’re not there but are still your fault.

I wouldn’t be giving anyone a lift if they were rude to/about me and I had done nothing wrong though.

Solongtoshort · 22/11/2018 22:01

No holidayshopping it was nothing to do with me at all, l am not even sure how l got the blame as the thing that had gone wrong is nothing to do with my role and l have never done it, been shown it.

OP posts:
DontScareOscarPistorius · 22/11/2018 22:09

It is nice to be nice but also important not to be a door mat! Fuck her and her pissy attitide!

Snowwontbelong · 22/11/2018 22:13

Maybe the long walks will give her the chance to ponder her awful attitude.
Maybe driving through a big puddle near her will speed up the process.

Solongtoshort · 22/11/2018 22:58

snowwontbelong that made me laugh.

Ok cool, l need to get over myself and stop being the mug l feel like l would be if l gave her a lift.

OP posts:
elephantoverthehill · 22/11/2018 23:04

Could you just find a reason to drive a different way to work.........?

IHeartMarmiteToast · 22/11/2018 23:07

Fuck that shit. Let her walk... if she was nicer she might get some honey mightnt she!?!?! But I'd not fucking bother AGAIN. I'd wave on my way by

Solongtoshort · 22/11/2018 23:29

No elephantovertgehill l think l just need to drive my normal way, be civil to her in work and just leave it at work.

And l suppose l will just get over my feeling of guilt, hopefully this stupidness will stop now she sees her actions have consequences.

OP posts:
Ariela · 22/11/2018 23:54

I'd also feel mean. However the advantage of giving her a lift is you would have a captive audience and could actually confront her and say that it is about time she learned to own up to her own mistakes, and that you don't want to be dragged into problems of her creation.....

fuzzywuzzy · 23/11/2018 00:02

Nope you don’t need to give her lifts.

And you have nothing to feel guilty about.

The woman sounds utterly ridiculous and it’s the consequences of her actions that have lost her her free lifts to and from work.
If she wants to make amends, apologise to you and correct her lies and then ask for lifts, maybe you’d consider it. But doesn’t sound like she’s even asked to give her a lift home. So I wouldn’t do it.

She obviously enjoys the fresh air and opportunity to ponder her behaviour.

Butterymuffin · 23/11/2018 00:05

You don't owe her lifts when she can't even be civil and professional to you in work. And has she been giving you petrol money all this time or even offered?

PolkaDoting · 23/11/2018 00:19

l think it makes me look like s mug giving her a lift when she is just so rude to/about me

Yes, you're right.

BorisAndDoris · 23/11/2018 00:42

Fuck her. Treat her the same way she treats you. Like shit.

Next time, make sure your car doors are locked and when you drive by her at the bus stop in the rain, pull up beside her, roll your window down..... and ask her if she has the time. When she answers, thank her and merrily drive the fuck away.

halfwitpicker · 23/11/2018 00:55

Just stop giving a shit. No-one else does.

Meredith501 · 23/11/2018 05:33

People that don't drive but expect lifts drive me mad! There's a few at my work and they will tell you how bad the weather was on the walk in, complain about having to walk to town at lunch, make a drama about "bundling up" for the walk home and then give out if someone is driving in their direction but doesn't offer them a lift.

They don't have to bloody walk! Buy a car! Take a taxi! Get a bus! It costs me to get to work in my car, why do they think they are so special they should be exempt from transport costs!

You have nothing to feel bad about.

ivykaty44 · 23/11/2018 05:44

The walk will do her good and 4 miles will give her time to think about why she’s walking

Gohackyourself · 23/11/2018 07:00

Have you explained why your not giving the lift anymore? I would... and just see what her reaction is.
I wouldn’t just stop giving the lift without putting my reasons.. that way the person knows how they have made you feel and the consequences.
If you don’t explain ( not that your obliged to but I think it lands the blame for her walking squarely back with her)
You can also add that “she blew her top”, which is not appropriate to a work colleague, there’s far better ways she could have given her thoughts and come to agree/disagree situation.

sackrifice · 23/11/2018 07:19

The OP doesn't have to give her reasons, they made no vows.

headinhands · 23/11/2018 07:52

Some people think nothing of trying to guilt people into making their lives easier. And it's usually the people that are often in the centre of drama. She chose the job an hrs walk when she doesn't have a car.

ContessaHallelujahSparklehorse · 23/11/2018 07:58

I'd be wary of the potential for this to be viewed the other way around, op; she may well be holding forth in the office about how you got the hump with her after refusing to take responsibility for whatever it was, and how you're now deliberately not offering lifts out of spite.

If everyone else in the office agrees it wasn't your fault, then continue to do as you're doing (because you are perfectly within your rights). If there's any chance that any of them agree with her, you need to establish publicly right now that you were in no way responsible for the incident and that the bad feeling between you and X is really upsetting (obv it isn't but people will sympathise with you more if you say it is).

Don't let yourself be painted as a villain here!

Gohackyourself · 23/11/2018 08:15

I’m with you @contessa, this why I suggested offloading the OPs guilt back to the woman.explain why your not giving a lift as you felt badly treated.
Then feel guilt no more.
@sackrifice you are completely right, but actually if you don’t serve it back to people , making them accountable for their actions they just continue doing it.
OP doesn’t want to be the bigger person in her thread title, so don’t, just be someone whose said her peace in calm considered fashion , told the woman how it is and job done Grin

GertrudeCB · 23/11/2018 08:20

Would she give you a lift? Would she fuck !
I've worked with a nasty bastard like that, don't give driving past her a second thought.

TrippingTheVelvet · 23/11/2018 08:23

There's being nice and then there's being a doormat. Don't be a doormat.

FamilyOfAliens · 23/11/2018 08:24

There's a few at my work and they will tell you how bad the weather was on the walk in, complain about having to walk to town at lunch, make a drama about "bundling up" for the walk home and then give out if someone is driving in their direction but doesn't offer them a lift.

Really? There are several people in your workplace who do this and no-one says anything?

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