Drunk heavily until 11 weeks not knowing I was pregnant

[Worried1st]

I’m a new mom to be and I need some advice or any similar experiences anyone else has had on this topic. I’m at the stage where I’m near abortion as I’m so worried I have done irreplaceable damage.

I found out I was pregnant at 11 weeks and during that time I was working a very busy summer and drinking every day. I wasn’t drunk every day but I can’t think of a day that passed that I didn’t have a beer or two after work and some days I had way more . I went on two wine tasting holidays and definitely wasn’t thinking about my health or the health of my baby. I was working long stressful hours but I was running frequently.

When I found out I was shocked as I am absolutely horrified at the amount I have drunk not knowing. I was on birth control and my periods are light so I didn’t notice until I started feeling really run down and nauseous. I just figured it was from my work.

I am obviously not drinking since I found out and I’m just over 16 weeks now. My window of time to abort is very little and I’m at such a crossroads. My long term partner is supportive of any decision I make. I want to keep the baby but I don’t want to be selfish and subject the innocent child to a lifetime of suffering because of me.

Can anyone help me?

So I heard this about 8 years ago on radio 4 (so sorry there is no reference):

Researchers/medics are not really sure what amount of alcohol leads to FAS (but it is thought to be A LOT!!). Small amounts - such as one drink a day - are linked to higher cognitive function and social skills. You have to remember that up until the mid eighties, drinking in pregnancy was common.

The reason they tell women not to drink at all in pregnancy is that they cannot trust them not too drink too much!!! which I find very condescending, to be honest.

Congratulations!

I drank a lot before I knew I was pregnant with DD (9 weeks in) I was in party mode, drank way too much, smoked and used drugs ie cannabis, MDMA, cocaine and ketamine. She is absolutely fine, age 11 and talented in music, dance and gymnastics. Excellent SATs grades, intelligent academically and emotionally. I know this isn't the case for all children of drinkers and I stopped all of it the day I knew she was there but hope this gives you some comfort!

I can't bear the misery you are putting yourself through, needlessly. Hopefully you will find this reassuring as these are some of the highest quality studies done: www.rcog.org.uk/en/news/bjog-release-danish-studies-suggest-low-and-moderate-drinking-in-early-pregnancy-has-no-adverse-effects-on-children-aged-five/
Worth also reiterating that FAS is an extremely complex condition. Only a fraction of babies born to alcoholic mothers have it (i.e. Substance dependent who have drunk throughout pregnancy), genetics, nutrition, are all also thought to play a major role.

I thought the issue was dependent drinking not one or two

FAS may be rare, FASD (spectrum disorder) is NOT and definitely not down to bottles of vodka etc. There is no telling what amount can affect. This isn't scaremongering - it's science. The numbers of children affected are larger than we know due to misdiagnoses of learning disabilities, ADHD, ASD etc. People who know nothing about it shouldn't be so flippant, and stories about their kids turning out fine mean little as women process alcohol completely differently, and pregnancies also develop differently.
OP you're being really sensible to be open to the risk and aware of what you need to look out for to best support your child. PP had great advice suggesting contact NOFAS or FASD Network for more information. There's no guarantee your baby will be affected, but also no guarantee they won't be.

We can only tell you our experiences but I was 9 weeks before I found out and it was my second so you'd think I'd know what I was looking for. I had a few big nights out and certainly had a glass or two each week for those 9 weeks. Dd2 is nearly 2 and is completely fine. If I was as worried as you I might look into private scans (not just a look at the baby) an in depth foetal medicine one if possible. Don't terminate for worries if you want to keep the baby. This is just the start of the worrying. Good luck whatever you decide but don't beat yourself up you can't go back and you didn't drink knowing you were pregnant.

It isn't flippant to say the best available evidence shows she is unlikely to have caused harm. There may be all sorts of things which may or may not harm the fetus - being overweight, living in a polluted area, being stressed, but ultimately it is the conditions in which that baby is born into that are probably far more influential on neurodevelopmentsl outcomes, and the op sounds like she will be a great mum

My (American) midwife told me that the advice given in the U.K. at the time (2-3 unit per day max, 2 alcohol free days per week) were fine, it's just that nobody can prove where alcohol induces fas because you can't do controlled studies and people lie about their intact plus it's easier to say none to cover drs backs!

I didn’t know I was pregnant for the first three months with DS1.

I was 27 yrs old and had just landed the dream job I’d been working my arse off for (with a big salary and drinking culture to match)

I was hammered most nights. It was over the Xmas period too so you can imagine. I also smoked cigarettes in those days.

I was terrified for the remainder of my pregnancy. Scared myself and my BF ( now DH) witless.

18 years later, that baby is training to be a doctor. He’s got lovely friends and lots of social, as well as academic, intelligence.

I know this is just an anecdote and, yes, drinking in pregnancy is not advisable but I really can’t overstate how much I drank in that time .

Congrats on your pregnancy

• such an exciting time. Try not to worry about the past. What’s done is done and I’m sure your baby will be fine

I am curious as to how your baby turned out? I am in a very similar situation and didn’t find out I was pregnant until I was 10.5 weeks. I am now 16 weeks. I hope all is well. Thanks!