Help me please. I feel like the worst mum!!

[NiKiTaCoLlEt]

I’ve let my 15 month old watch baby TV and Cbeebies since birth. Sometimes for hours in one day. I suffer from pnd, anxiety and ocd. We do play, go out and go to groups everyday. But I’ve only just found out from research how bad it is for babies under 2 to watch tv and that is they do it can harm there development!! I’m terrified. If I’d known I would have never let him. He loves it and I feel so guilty and assamed. Please tell me it’s not to late to change what ever damage I’ve done!! X

Hey ladies,
Just need to get it off my chest. Iv posted before and told you I suffer from, PND, anxiety and OCD!!
And having a really tough time at the moment.
I feel guilty ALL the time, I have a 15 month old little boy and everything I do I doubt myself. Let him watch tv GUILT don’t play on floor with him on day GUILT didn’t go out today GUILT.. today I feel horrendous, we had a lovely day and did loads of fun stuff filled with smiles and laughter and then when it came to bed time I took him upstairs and did the normal routine BUT he wouldn’t settle, kept standing up and i kept laying him back down, this continued for 5 minutes and then I texted my husband and asked him to take over. I just couldn’t be bothered and how bad is that?? I feel so bad and guilty, how lazy and shit does that make me!?
Just feel horrendous about it!! Like I’m his mum I should have more patience and stuck it out, I should want to stick it out?!! I just couldn’t be bothered. :-( I’m the same with naps it takes anything from 30-40 to get him to sleep and the whole time I’m thinking COME ON sleep I need some me time!! How selfish!!?! I love him with EVERY PIECE OF MY HEART so why am I so excited for him to nap and go to bed and why do I lack patience for it?

Also side note as panicking- he’s 15 months and isn’t walking or saying any words yet. Apart from Dada, Mama and “in there” (putting toys away)

Sorry for long post I just needed to let it out
🧡XXX

My 20 month old can count to 20 from watching tv. We go to groups every morning but afternoon is when I read the papers and mn.

Don't worry about talking and walking. He is still within the normal range.
If you are worried about his development, just make sure he has some time for active play each day ( doesn't mean running around necessarily, could be building with blocks, pushing a train or car around, cuddling a doll or teddy) as TV is quite passive.
With respect to his language, try and read a picture book most days with him and 'chat' to him about what you are doing (I'm making toast. You like marmite on your toast don't you" or whatever). Things like library story and rhyme times are good too but don't beat yourself up if you can't face going out one day.

^good advice!

We go out everyday and I read to him everyday. And he plays SO much, so that’s all fine.
I just feel so upset about asking my husband to take over with bedtime tonight and the fact I lack patience with it and can’t wait for him to sleep. I feel so guilty xxx

Sleep is a tricky one, I'm sure it's the number one issue that most parents gripe/obsess about. There's no shame in needing your DP to take over when you've had enough, that's what teamwork is.

Reading through your posts though, I can't help but hope you are getting treatment for your anxiety? We all feel a bit of guilt if we haven't done our best or what we planned for whatever reason, but there's an added level of despair I feel to your posts. It's a great shame, I'm sure if you could step back and look at the bigger picture you would see he is healthy and happy, well stimulated and attached and not get hung up on one small part of the day when he watched the twirly woos a bit longer than you'd like or whatever. I feel like you are putting so much pressure on yourself you are preventing yourself from enjoying the time with him.

Other than that the walking and talking sound normal. Spoken language can come later on, it's understanding that should be developing well at the moment, so if he has no problems there then don't worry. My son only just started walking at 14 months which seems fairly average from looking around. I know someone who didn't walk until nearly 3 and they have no issues now.

Go easy on yourself and make sure you access whatever help there is for your anxiety.