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I give up. I just can't be positive anymore.

8 replies

UtterlyFedUpOfThisShit · 22/11/2018 00:56

This is a really long one, I’m very sorry. Some of it is repetition from a thread I had a while ago so again sorry to anyone who remembers reading it the first time round. Also NCd because of outing details.

About a year ago I started a new job after being made redundant when the company I had worked for previously went into administration. I’d only been there a few months when I became ill with constant diarrhoea. I was signed off whilst my GP and various specialists tried to figure out what was causing it. I offered to work from home- the only thing preventing me from going to work was that I couldn’t do the 1hr+ tube journey without instant access to a loo, but the response from HR was “if you’re too ill to come to the office, you’re too ill to work from home.” Not long after that they let me go, and because I was still on probation there was nothing I could do about it. This was early March.

Once I was better (sort of- I now take codeine which means I am painfully constipated, which I guess is better than painfully having the shits) I got a short term temping role. Whilst there I was offered a permanent position at a different company which I accepted- they offered me the job on the Monday and wanted me to start a week later. I informed the temping agency and the office I was working at so they could get someone else in. By the Friday I still hadn’t received my contract or anything else, so I called the recruiter who looked into it, got back to me and said that since the job offer had been made to me the company had a recruitment freeze, and because they hadn’t written up any paperwork for me they couldn’t honour the offer. Of course by that point the temping agency had found a replacement for me so I had nothing. This was in May.

After a while I found another temping job which they were also looking to fill permanently. At the end of my second week there I decided to throw my hat in the ring as I really liked it there, and the temping agency had had glowing feedback about me. The boss asked me for my CV, said he’d look at it over the weekend and we’d talk about it on Monday. The next day my temp agency rang and told me they’d offered it to someone else. To add insult to injury, the next week I had to type up her offer letter- not that it matters but she’s several years younger than I am and being paid more than I’ll ever probably make.

Whilst still temping there I had an interview at the company my DH works at. It’s a great company with fantastic benefits including 6 months full paid parental leave and DH and I were hoping to start a family soon, so I was excited to get a foot in the door. I went and met 4 people, it went really well. A few days later the internal recruiter called and said even though they all adored me (she actually used the word adored) they needed someone to start immediately so they were going to hire an internal candidate. She still wanted to find a place for me in the company though so suggested me for another role. I went and interviewed with two more people who both liked me, so went back again and interviewed with the line manager, who also liked me but said she wasn’t very good at hiring for my type of job so would defer to the judgement of the other two.
Whilst waiting to hear about that (which I never actually did) I was invited back to interview for a third job. This was stepping into the role of the person who got the first job I interviewed for (if that makes sense). But this was a maternity cover FTC which would end in December. During the interview the line manager had put a put a lot of emphasis on the fact that they always tried to hold on to their staff, and figuring it was a foot in the door and I’d have plenty of time to find another role internally I accepted. I had to wait a month to start because their screening process is really slow, so I started in mid July.
I’d been there 6 weeks when my line manager put a 1-1 meeting in the diary for us, which he named “Half Year Review and H2 Objectives”. I thought it was a bit odd that I was having a review after such a short time, but he was doing his team’s appraisals around that time and I was encouraged that he appeared to be considering my future in the company. I hadn’t started looking for other internal roles yet as I still had 4 months left on my FTC.
So, we go into the meeting, and he informs me that the woman who was on mat leave was going to be returning at the beginning of October, so he was formally giving me 4 weeks’ notice. Apparently the December end date on my contract was just in case she took holiday at the end of her mat leave, and she wasn’t. I was absolutely gutted, and immediately set about looking for internal roles. It wasn’t until after I’d left at the end of September that I had two interviews- one phone interview, one face to face. I was turned down for both (took them 3 weeks to tell me I didn’t get the second one).

Since then I’ve had one interview which I literally never heard anything about again. That’s it. I’ve applied for God knows how many jobs, I’ve met recruiters who all say I’m a great candidate, but nothing. No more interviews, nothing on the horizon. Now I’m unemployed, I have roughly £30 to my name, it’s Christmas in 6 weeks which is the worst possible time of year to be looking for a permanent job and on top of that, there’s a decent chance I’m pregnant.

I literally can’t think of a single thing to be positive about. If I am pregnant and I do manage to get a job, I won’t be entitled to any kind of maternity anything so whilst my DH gets his 6 months off fully paid, I’ll have to get back to work ASAP as we won’t manage on just his salary. I’m skint and I don’t know how I’m going to afford a single Christmas gift for anyone. I struggle with depression as it is, and it’s worse this time of year as it was late autumn/winter when my Dad’s cancer got worse 4 years ago and the beginning of December when he died.

My DH is doing his best but I know the pressure is getting to him too- with his salary currently being our sole income, plus he put our flat on the market a few months ago, the HA has a buyer (it’s shared ownership) which means we’re gonna have to move out whether or not we have somewhere to move out to, and we’re struggling to find anywhere within our budget that isn’t either tiny or in some godforsaken hell hole. So whilst he is mostly staying positive for me, every now and then he will have a down day or snap at me, which only makes me feel worse.

I just give up. All day every day I’m looking online for jobs, but I’ve just completely lost hope. I spend a good portion of each day in tears. I can’t remember the last time I saw or spoke to someone who isn’t my DH (or an estate agent/recruiter). I can’t meet my friends as I don’t have any money and I’m embarrassed about being unemployed yet again. I’m so completely despondent. Since my Dad passed away 4 years ago not one fucking thing in my life has gone right and I just don’t see it getting any better, and there’s nothing I can do about it.

I don’t really know why I started this thread tbh, although it feels good to get it off my chest. I guess I could just use a virtual hand hold whilst I wade through the swamp of shit that is currently my life.

OP posts:
Bloodybridget · 22/11/2018 03:32

That is really horrible and I am so sorry you are in this situation. I can't offer any helpful advice but just wanted to tell you I read your post and am sending you massive sympathy and very good wishes for better times to come. And if you are pregnant - the timing is obviously bad, but congratulations anyway and I hope the baby brings you huge happiness.

NooNooHead · 22/11/2018 03:58

It sounds like you have had a terrible time of it recently, and I am not great at giving advice so I hope that what I say doesn’t sound very unsympathetic. I am very sympathetic actually as I can relate to your situation with regards to the loss of job and finding it really hard to get another one.

I’m on maternity leave with my DS2 and I have been looking for work too since last August when I was told by my employer that they weren’t going to renew my freelance contract. I found out I was pregnant last October, and I was so scared that I wasn’t going to be able to claim maternity allowance as I am self employed- luckily I had worked for my last employer for long enough to claim the maximum amount, or I would have been really struggling. I’m sure you’re entitled to more than you think? Can you consider doing shared parental leave so your DH can have more time off with the baby while you can look for / go back to work?

I’m certain you will find something before long. Do you have any other DC? What do you think will happen with your housing situation? Can you look to moving somewhere else more affordable or renting a flat instead of having a shared ownership place? With my DD, my DH was out of work at the time I found out we were expecting- he got a job about 3 months before she was born, we were also living in my one bed shared ownership flat too so it was quite a squeeze but we managed.

Now we are in a 4 bed house 8 years later with my new DS and I am in a much better place than I was 4 years ago (I had a lot of health problems in the last few years, plus my DB died at a young age last year).

Sorry to keep going on about my life- I think what I was trying to do was illustrate what I had to go through, and how I overcome adversity. I know you can do it, I truly do. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. You will get there, and a job will come along when you least expect it. Even if you aren’t pregnant, you can get a job and then celebrate a belated Christmas in the new year to help you have something extra to focus on. And then if you are pregnant - congratulations and try to enjoy your pregnancy and focus on that over the holidays. I’m sure you can do it despite your situation at the moment, and you will be surprised how life can suddenly throw you a lifeline when you think all hope is lost.

Good luck, lots of love and hope. FlowersFlowers

JohnMcCainsDeathStare · 22/11/2018 04:21

If your friends are really your friends they won't care that you are unemployed but will care that you haven't been I touch. Maybe they think you're OK but it would be good to reach out to them and be honest. Hopefully they will be.

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oatmilk4breakfast · 22/11/2018 04:30

Sounds like you’re going through an awful time. I’m sorry to hear about your dad. Grief can hit hard and manifest in strange ways. Maybe mentally give yourself a bit of time and space to grieve? A couple of days off where you don’t look for jobs. Acknowledging the pain you’re in is the start of being able to live with it I think - was for me anyway.

The employment situation sounds rubbish and you have been treated badly. I know the panic of being out of work and awful feeling of having no money. How you’ve been treated doesn’t define you though. You’ve been through a lot. Take some time for self-care, then make a new plan

  • ask everyone for feedback, what are the patterns? What roles do they think you’re suited to? Could you try for permanent roles instead of temping? You’re obviously employable as people keep employing you, so that’s something positive. Could you get some independent advice on your CV and approach?

(Some books - how to get a job you’ll love by Jon Lees; what colour is your parachute? - helped me before) sometimes I wonder whether employers bracket people into ‘great temporary person’ (seen it happen with interim positions - people move from one to next) and you want to reposition yourself as permanent candidate. Target an industry or job role in the top 100 employers list and go for it. But make sure you do one ‘self care’ thing every day too.

This is a tough time so just take it ‘one day at a time’. Hand hold across the Internet.

sandgrown · 22/11/2018 07:20

Sorry to hear your situation. Any chance of some Christmas work locally. It might be in retail but it's a bit of extra cash. When my DP was unemployed he took call centre work which was minimum wage but led to a permanent job in a different role. Could you move in with family temporarily while you look for a home ? Congratulations if you are pregnant. Please contact your friends. True friends will only want to help. Don't worry about Christmas presents as people will understand. I hope things improve for you.

Deathraystare · 22/11/2018 07:38

I really sympathise. The job situation is shit out there (ok some people seem to just skip into a new job). I know what you mean about not speaking to many people. Some days apart from sales assistant "Can I help you?" "Just looking", that is all the conversation I have!

As for the friends thing- they will understand if you cannot go out, but can you arrange for them to sometimes see you - if you can manage coffee/tea and biscuits or maybe a cake? Obvs if they are working it should work around days off.

As for Christmas, a lot of people have stopped giving so many presents or indeed any at all.

UtterlyFedUpOfThisShit · 22/11/2018 20:31

Thanks for the replies everyone. I am applying for temping and permanent roles, anything except another FTC as I need long term security. I know my family won't be upset about Christmas, it's my little nieces and nephews I feel bad about. My friends won't judge me either but I'm so sick of being the one with all the bloody issues and complications in my life. My friends are buying houses and getting promotions and having children whilst I seem to go from one problem to the next.

OP posts:
Bloodybridget · 22/11/2018 20:35

I hope your friends will give you lots of love and support while you need it, just as you would if things were the other way round. None of this is your fault and you totally deserve to get a good permanent job.

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