My baby is a shit sleeper and I can't cope

[sameshitnewday999]

My baby is 10 months old almost. She slept right through from birth right up until 4 months old. Or if she did wake it was one bottle and straight back to sleep.

Since she was 4 months old she wakes CONSTANTLY. She will ONLY ever nap or go to bed for the night if she's being rocked in the pram with white noise and always has a bottle (7oz) and a dummy. It's an absolute fight to get her down to sleep and She does show all the signs of being tired.

This past month she's started to not want to go in her cot. She will be asleep in her pram. We'll pick her up and put her in the cot and she will wake up immediately crying and tossing and turning.

I've tried the shhhh and pat method. Doesn't work. We have to have white noise on all night long. She wakes up and has 2-3 7oz bottles but not all at once. She will wake and have a few oz each time. Other times she'll wake for a dummy or a cuddle.

Does anyone have any suggestions or tips? I'm literally at breaking point I'm so fucking exhausted and I'm struggling to cope.

Bumping so desperate for answers I'm fighting back tears of frustration

Sorry my babies have grown but see you need responses.

Have you tried cosleeping? I know it’s not for everyone.

I did it when my husband was away and thought I can’t keep getting up, I’ll just bring him in here! And somehow it worked and I guess he wanted the reassurance of me nearby. You have to do it safely though.

(Whispers) Controlled crying...

We did it around that age with a non-sleeping baby. We were zombies before and it transformed our lives. We only did increments of one, two, three, four, five minutes (leave them that amount, go in, comfort, leave, repeat).

Might not be your thing. But I remember the morning after I was so worried re attachment etc but DC was so refreshed after a more solid sleep, more confident, exactly as if he had learnt something and he felt better for it.

I'd try anything to be honest. The only thing that's stopping me from cosleeping is that she will only sleep in the crook of my arm meaning il have to stay in the same position all night. And my husband is a reaaaaaaaaaaallly heavy sleeper in worried he'll roll on her in he night or something. Or the covers will go on her face x

No helpful advice but some solidarity from another exhausted mum of an almost-ten-month-old - i’ll be watching this thread with interest!

Maybe she doesn’t like the cot? You could try a floor bed, in your room or her room. It’s easier to transfer them without waking them too as you can lie down with them for a few minutes.
I totally sympathise, my DD is not a great sleeper either and I’m flipping knackered.

OP I'm sorry to hear this, it's so tough! Is she 4 months old now or a bit older? The 4 month sleep regression is terrible! It starts just as you think you've got some sort of routine or have things sussed. We used the pick up put down method with my son and that seemed to work - he got too upset if we left him to cry even for a couple of minutes! They need to learn to link sleep cycles at this age so there will be a sleepless nights. Someone once told me 'the nights are long but the years are short' and it's really true, it does get better.
Hope you get loads of advice here, you are most definitely not alone!

the only way I get any sleep is to cosleep. I'm not willing to do cry it out, so have just resigned myself to having a slightly dead arm in the morning from lying in the same position all night!

You need to get Dr Ferber's book - controlled crying. Took 3 nights for us

I’m definitely no expert but had a terrible sleeper and feel your desperation as I have a husband but no other help.

I suggest trying a pretty fixed routine of bath then bedtime schedule of quick story/milk in dimly lit room ready in gro-bag or whatever.

Try to feed as much food as possible and go cold turkey on the nighttime bottles. I had to ditch night milk at 11 months (well a paediatrician advised it as my DS had reflux issues).

I would comfort in the night with a quick cuddle and brisk ‘it’s nightime love you’ type thing.

We did an adapted version of controlled crying to ensure he was awake when going to bed. Was horrible for 20 mins for three nights. Then life changing.

Just know it doesn’t last forever.

Instead of co-sleeping can she have a bed/cot right next too bumped up against your side of your bed? So you can cuddle sort of co-sleep but remove your arm once she’s out but re-assure her if she stirs. She’s also the age for separation anxiety which is tough even with a good sleeper. You have my sympathies I had a non-sleeper for years and she never responded to controlled crying even though we did try it. Do what ever you need to to survive. I used to sleep with ear plugs 7-10pm when DH used to walk her or be in charge then I’d take over then if the night was crap he would take over again 5-7am so I’d get bit more sleep before work.

Jodi Mindell book helped.

It's hard OP, my first was a terrible sleeper. My second is better but still waking up 2 or 3 times a night at 21 months.

I was a lot more proactive in trying to sort the sleep our with my first (I was pregnant.....) Your baby needs to learn to fall asleep in the cot. I know, sounds far fetched. My first had literally never just fallen asleep. Around 13 months I started gradual withdrawal. For a month leading up to that I kind of prepared us both, he spent time in his cot in the day ,awake. I really tightened the bedtime routine up. Stopped bf to sleep and started him with cows milk. Then, started putting him his cot awake. All the usual routine, bath, stories, milk, mobile on then inst3ad of rocking/cuddling, put him in the cot. It you 75 minutes til he fell asleep but he didn't cry (I stood over the cot, singing, patting, shushing etc) One the 4th night it took about 40 minutes. I gradually did less singing, patting etc til I was sat on the floor. Then sat a foot away. And so on. If you read up it's suggested to take 10 days over it. In all honesty, I took about 2 months. But, importantly for me, there was NO crying, and he learnt to resettle himself in the night too. By 15 months he was falling asleep on his own and sleeping from 7pm to 5am.

I feel your pain, I have almost 1 year old. The only way I can cope with the constant waking is to co sleep. She goes to bed really well at 7 then wakes about 4 times from 11-7. I found just getting her in to bed with me at the 1st wake up helped me to get more sleep/get back to sleep quickly. I can pop her dummy in or give her a few swigs of the white stuff and she'll be asleep in a minute. Ive toyed with CC but just can't deal with it or face waking up my other children.

Same problem here with an almost 10 month old boy. He slept well until getting a cold at about 6.5 months old, and now he hates his cot and fights sleep for every nap and even worse at bedtime. He sleeps ok in our bed but is very restless. I've loosely tried controlled crying but I can't settle him without picking him up and then he cries as soon as he goes back in the cot. I feel your pain!

I would look up sleep training, there're plenty of books to hopefully help. My son is 18 months and he woke every 2 hours until 4 months, he now sleeps through but can wake for his dummy which I want to wean off. Try and break the pushchair habit and put LO down in cot to nap so they know this is where they sleep. Make it completely dark, maybe try water instead of milk during the night. My son loves white noise even now

I feel your pain. I've been there. I had some success with controlled crying to get dc to sleep in the evening, and then when dc woke in the night , if they wouldn't settle it was into bed with me.

This time will pass though.

DS was awful awful AWFUL at sleeping. At 7 months I decided to try cc. Took 40 mins and it was whinging more than crying and he has self settled in his cot ever since. He was like a new baby, so happy!

Co-sleep, or, controlled crying. Both have worked for me. (Cc was to get him into the cot for the first few hours of the night) With controlled crying you do have to be really ready for it because it's heart wrenching.

My ds is 2 next week and had just started sleeping through this week (but obviously it's up and down) i have his cot attached to the bed with the side off attached to our bed so if he is having a difficult night, I just bring him in with us. He's always needed the reassurance and company.

It is HARD though, having a non sleeper, you have my sympathies.

Cosleeping was our life saviour. My partner sleeps deeply to so I slept in the middle. TBH though (and I'm sorry to say this) but my sons sleep didn't really improve until about 18 months. He's 2 now and sleeps through 7-7 no sleep training requires. It was a pretty brutal 2 years but now it's over the memories are dimming. Just make sure that if possible you get a lie in and a bit of me time on a weekend, even just a few hours can make a difference.

I'm in exactly the same boat at 8 months and I'm at my wits end but do you know what I think I need to accept he's just a shit sleeper and do what I can to get through it.

My son won't go in his cot and just play at night time despite playing in it during the day and becomes hysterical if I try to do gradual retreat etc and I'm not willing to let himself get in such a state.

He's still really little and actual I think he just needs something from me which may well just be comfort of having me close, that's no bad thing. He suffers from cmpa and bad reflux and so had been in pain a lot of his little life and so me being there for him is the only thing i can do to comfort him.

How am I surviving, well I'm not doing great however my dh has him down stairs till 10:30 or so then gets up at 5 with him if needed. The little sausage often ends up going down at 5 for a couple of hours anyway if I'm lucky so that's what we do and husband gets a reprieve! He's back in his co-sleeper and we bed share although I hate it, needs must! I'm hoping that over Christmas we will try and get him back into his cot but a sickness bug, teething and a bad cold meant he came back in with us.

It's hell on earth and I'm with you every step of the way.... no answers just lots of wine and hugs.

Just wanted to add that I we co-slept too, and after the mild version of CC we did he would still come in with us now and again if he was really unsettled.

Is it teething pain ❓

Lavender oil
Classical music
Cuddles and singing lullabies

We had this with our now 4 year old - 10 months old and he woke every 2 hours through the night - we were on our knees with tiredness.

In the end we used a sleep consultant. We used her services for a week, we had a phone consultation to begin with to discuss his routine etc. She made a few suggestions to change his routine and also gave us a controlled crying programme. The first two nights were a bit rough going but by night three he was improving and by night Four he was sleeping through. I could have kissed the woman! She saved our sanity, and it was the best £120 I’ve ever spent.