Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

Original poster

Sexual Assault

24 replies

Chocaholic27 · 20/11/2018 20:30

Has anyone here been a victim of sexual assault? Have you ever truly got over it?
I often still end up picturing it in my mind when I close my eyes, even though it happened 7 years ago when I was 15.
I guess I'm just wondering if one day it will feel like a distant memory..

OP posts:

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 20/11/2018 21:05

. I haven't thankfully. However that doesn't mean I can't hold your hand and being a listening ear. And of course give this thread a few bumps.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 20/11/2018 21:06

Bump

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 20/11/2018 21:06

Bump

LuluBellaBlue · 20/11/2018 21:08

Yes, I can honestly say I’m 95% there and believe one day very soon I’ll be 100%.
I’m stronger than I’ve ever been before, it’s taken huge amounts of hard work but worth every second of it.
I’ve been raped countless number of times, the worst being nearly killed by a stranger aged 18 that resulted in severe PTSD.

You can do this

Original poster

Chocaholic27 · 20/11/2018 21:26

Thanks babyspider.

LuluBellaBlue I'm so glad to hear that. My one experience is nothing compared to what you've been through! You're amazing. How long has it taken to get to where you are now? Did you have any sort of therapy/counselling?

OP posts:

comedycentral · 20/11/2018 21:48

I was stabbed in an attempted sexual assault by a stranger over 16 years ago, it's taken a while to get over it and I still struggle around the anniversary but I'd say I'm about 90% there. Take it easy.

LuluBellaBlue · 20/11/2018 22:23

Thanks chocoholic, although we can never compare and the last thing I’d want you to feel is your experience isn’t as ‘worthy’ of how you feel etc? It’s a common thing to down play what has happened to us.
We all experience things in different ways, and due to my trauma I put myself in dangerous situations and allowed many of these experiences.

I have done: counselling, CBT, hypnotherapy, EMDR, EFT, Medicine plants and shamanic ceremonies, meditation, yoga - you name it I’ve tried it!

However I can honestly say the turning point for me was finding a small group of people where we come together, share our experiences and release our traumas.
I’ve worked really hard to connect to people on a deeper level, cut any alcohol out, exercise regularly - basically love myself deeply even when I don’t feel much like it.

By slowly and constantly bringing love to myself I have now become a positive person! It’s taken two years but it’s also one of those things that I’ll always continue as I love doing things with love as it brings me love, peace, joy and happiness of you see what I mean?!
We are always learning and evolving.
Best of luck to you and I’m sure just by writing this post, things will have started shifting as you did something to care for yourself

SoaringSwallow · 21/11/2018 06:14

I tried lots of therapies too but for me EMDR really helped me get rid of the intrusive thoughts and reduce flashbacks considerably. It was relatively quick too.

You can never forget it, but it can definitely have less impact on present life.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 21/11/2018 06:20

What I will say is, you can think you're past it and then it comes back. For me it was around giving birth. I hadn't realised how strongly I still felt until they told me I would have to give birth on my back on a bed with a lot of people watching, some of them men. It was horrendous.

Sleephead1 · 21/11/2018 06:31

mine is very minor compared to what some people have been through. It was when I was 17 I slept over at a friend's house in his pull out bed and at some point in the night he must have gotten into bed with me as I woke up in pain in the morning and he had his fingers Inside me. For me i just pushed it down and for a while never thought of it but since I had my little boy I've defiantly thought of it more and for me I just really wish I could have a answer from him. Why ? we were good friends , he wasn't a horrible person , I just don't understand why or what exactly happened as I had been drinking and was asleep I'm never really know that's the part I find hard i wish I could have the answers then I would feel at peace with it. I've never discussed it with anyone other than a friend the following day and we never discussed it again. I hope you manage to find peace and I'm so sorry to all the people who have had these terrible experiences

Walkinthegreengarden · 21/11/2018 06:41

I was raped when I was in my teens and I pretended it hadn't happened. I too used to suffer flashbacks and relive it at night every few months or so. It was like an obsession once the thought was in my head, that was it for the night.

I started counselling recently, 20 years after the event. It is the best thing I have done. It has been hard and I've had some tough weeks but it has taken the power away from the dark thoughts. I can already think about it and move on without disappearing down the rabbit hole like I used to.

My counselling was free through a local rape and sexual assault counselling service, it might be worth trying. I hope you find some support and relief. It can get better.

ARRRGGGGHHHHHHH · 21/11/2018 06:45

I was assaulted when I was 18 and due to police mishandling and various other things I really went a bit mad. That initial period lasted about 6 months. Then I began to get my life back but I felt like it still consumed me, I thought about it every day, that lasted around 5 years. And then I just didn't think about it every day, and gradually it became something that happened rather than something that ruined my life if you know what I mean.

You will get through this, but give yourself time. Everyone's experience, feelings and reactions are different and no-ones more valid than another.

Sending you lots of love x

Runningshorts · 21/11/2018 07:10

I was seriously sexually assaulted when I was 11. I would say I'm over it in as much as it doesn't impact my day to day life. I have a happy relationship, job, children, nice life. I don't think about it often anymore and if I do, its more a detached feeling that a young girl shouldn't have felt such shame, guilt and isolation through her growing years. I sought out counselling in my early twenties, I was getting flashbacks like you describe and counselling helped with that. Over time it became something that happened in my life, the experience doesn't define me.
On a practical note my healing all started with a call to the local rape crisis centre. Big hug to you xx

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 21/11/2018 07:13

love and thoughts to all who have been through this horrific ordeal.

Original poster

Chocaholic27 · 21/11/2018 08:15

My rape (from a family member) resulted in a pregnancy and an abortion. My family pressured me into just forgetting about it and not speaking to anyone about it... which was all fine until recent years.
At least once a week I wake up from a nightmare where I'm reliving the whole experience. I've been contemplating trying to start some counselling but I've just been wondering whether I'll be able to talk about it and how much it'll actually help.
to you all

OP posts:

BrokenMachine · 21/11/2018 09:32

I was raped by my teacher 10 years ago. I’m only just dealing with it, as I blocked it out for a long time, and for some reason it has all come up again, I can’t stop thinking about it. So I have started counselling and CBT.

ARRRGGGGHHHHHHH · 21/11/2018 10:55

Oh @Chocaholic27 I definitely think you would benefit from counselling if some sort, burying emotions relation to something so serious is definitely not healthy. I'm so sorry for what you went through.

Original poster

Chocaholic27 · 21/11/2018 11:15

But how? I'm almost certain that if I bring it all up again my family will disown me because of the shame

OP posts:

Mum2OneTeen · 21/11/2018 11:18

I have just come back from another counselling session to try and move forward from rape 45 years ago! I'm pissed off that it still impacts me today, like a previous poster said, the impact ebbs and flows throughout life.

I also found EMDR desensitisation to be very helpful during a period of intense counselling over twenty years ago. That helped me to move forward, but I'm currently feeling totally despondent and negative about ever being free from the psychological trauma that affects every aspect of my being. I don't know whether I'll just have to accept that my life will be forever more be tainted by the rape.

to you all!

ARRRGGGGHHHHHHH · 21/11/2018 11:45

Your family don't need to know what you're seeing a counsellor for or even if you're seeing one. But if they get pissed off then fuck them frankly. This happened to YOU and your mental health has to come first.

Original poster

Chocaholic27 · 21/11/2018 13:58

You're right, I don't need to tell them... it's just so hard to keep anything secret in this family!

OP posts:

LuluBellaBlue · 22/11/2018 20:08

Agree that by the sounds of it, the less you tell your family the better x

Thisisit777 · 22/11/2018 20:50

Yes. I was raped by someone I trusted. It hurts but its less than it was. I am so sorry you were harmed too - you did not deserve that and I’m truly sorry.

Original poster

Chocaholic27 · 22/11/2018 22:10

Thank you. I'm sorry for you too. I'm trying to pluck up the courage to speak to someone about it but that is easier said than done!

OP posts:

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread