Adult DC and board money?

[newtothisriver]

I just want to start off by saying I'm not interested in hearing how people wouldn't dream of charging their adult DC to live at home. I'm purely interested in how much those who do pay, pay. Don't mean to be rude but it makes the reading of replies much easier for me.

Next year DS turns 18, he will be living at home and either going to uni or HNC at college, so either way he will get student funding. He also has a part time job.

ATM he is still in school and I get tax credits, out income is low because DH is disabled and can no longer work.

If life was different I wouldn't charge DS a penny, but the truth is the tax credits will drop massively, his sibling is 2 years behind in school so potentially a couple of years down the line I will have 2 adult DC at home and no tax credits/ child benefit.

Right, so those are my reasons. I will need to charge the DC's something to live at home, but I don't know what's a fair amount?

I can't really do the percentage of income thing as income will be variable so I would prefer a set amount.

I was thinking £25 a week, but tbh I don't know if I can afford to support another adult in the house for £25.

I don't want my DC to feel that I am taking too much, but I don't want to be on the breadline that we are already so close to.

What do low income families take from their DC?

I never got any board from any DC. Should have taught them better financial sense. I would what will happen when their DCs are young adults.
Whether the parents need the money or not the DC should start to learn about finance and paying their way

Halls are £145 a week this year. Completely unaffordable and the reason DS has decided to stay at home

I get that some feel it's a way of them learning to budget etc but you can learn that without paying board. Given the OP is having to charge a student child as they couldn't afford their children without state help it's hardly working for many is it?

I feel for children who have to make up for the loss of benefits because of choices their parents made.

I feel for children who have to make up for the loss of benefits because of choices their parents made.

Yeah. DH chose to become disabled, lose his job and leave us up shit creek.

Fuck me. I feel for my kids too.

Given the OP is having to charge a student child as they couldn't afford their children without state help

We were fucking well off when we had them. How dare you suggest I couldn’t afford children without state help as if I put myself in this position.

Nasty. Fucking nasty.

We are in Dublin. 22 year old graduate earns 1400 a month and gives us €350.

Why is your income variable?? Did you not foresee that when the tax credits stopped you would be in difficulties?? what would you do if he simply moved out. My focus would be on maximising my own income- taking from your son isn’t sustainable in the long term. You are asking him to borrow money, to pay into your house. I don’t think he should be able to stay completely free but your tone isn’t the best.

Why is your income variable??

Because I am self employed in a job that allows me the freedom to be available when I am needed at home. I have DC’s and a disabled husband so sometimes, just sometimes, my income drops a tad.

Did you not foresee that when the tax credits stopped you would be in difficulties??

Surely that’s what I am doing now?

what would you do if he simply moved out.

Well I wouldn’t do anything, what a weird question. What do you mean what would I do? I would do my best to support him moving out at 18. Not sure why that’s relevant tbh. Adult DC’s leave home all the time.

My focus would be on maximising my own income

Funnily enough, I do that. Every. Fucking. Day.

taking from your son isn’t sustainable in the long term

Ah that explains why you asked what I would do if he moved out..

GYou are asking him to borrow money, to pay into your house*

Erm no, I’m asking him, when he is an adult, to contribute something towards his living costs, like most adults do.

don’t think he should be able to stay completely free but your tone isn’t the best

My tone? What tone?

Your tone is confrontational. You basically want someone to say it’s ok to ask your son at 18 to take out a loan and give you a percentage of it, to presumably make up to approximately £85 a week you will lose in tax credits and child benefit.
While it is probably lovely to have flexible self employed working, your children are young adults now. You might simply need to get a PAYE job that pays more. It might not be your preference but needs must.

Your tone is confrontational.

Is it? How so? By asking for advice, engaging in the thread and being specific about what I was asking?

Ok then

You basically want someone to say it’s ok to ask your son at 18 to take out a loan and give you a percentage of it, to presumably make up to approximately £85 a week you will lose in tax credits and child benefit.

Not at all. I was thinking of asking him to contribute between £25 and £50 a week, not to make up any loss, but as a contribution towards his living costs. He would pay this from his own income, part of which would be formed by a student loan. A loan given to students to help them meet their living costs.

I'm slightly confused at you thinking I am forcing him to do something unusual.

While it is probably lovely to have flexible self employed working, your children are young adults now

Indeed they are. Hence they must pay their way (at least in part)

You might simply need to get a PAYE job that pays more. It might not be your preference but needs must.

Believe me if I could find a job that would pay me on that level and offer up the flexibility I need I would bite the arm off the company to have it.

As it turns out I am in the best possible position work wise that I can be.

People are being a bit harsh. At 18 it is not unreasonable for a parent to charge board, OP did say that she didn't want to argue this decision but was looking for advice on how much to ask for.

Flossie did you miss the part where the op was a carer? There was nothing wrong with the op’s tone.
Our 19 year old pays £65 a week board. Her income after tax is approx £1600 a month.

My DD is not a student and pays £225.

My DS is 17 and at college.

He has just landed a job at Cote, before I said a word he said.

1/3 to you

1/3 to travel fund

1/3 to waste

Now we don't need the 1/3 he offered us, so I offered to take it to put towards his car insurance.

The point being without being asked, he thought that was reasonable, so maybe that is the current thinking vis a vis the youth of today.

She doesn’t say she is a carer. She says her husband is disabled- that doesn’t necessarily mean she cares for him. There are thousands of people who are disabled who have partners who work.
If she is able to work self employed, I am struggling to see why she can’t take on a paye job to make up for the loss of earnings. The cynic in me would wonder if it is because it is traceable and Universal Credit would adjust in line with that. As self employed that isn’t the case- and if she is claiming significant tax credit element she clearly isn’t earning a lot self employed so I am baffled as to why she wouldn’t be able to take on a PAYE job that pays more.

I read a really helpful article once which advised 40% was the ideal rate to charge an adult DC. It's irresponsible not to charge it imo, or they will never learn to finance normal living costs and be home forever. This 40% was based on them working though.

She doesn’t say she is a carer she says her husband is disabled that ddoesn’t necessarily mean she cares for him

No you are right. I just ignore his needs and carry on in my own little bubble.

there are thousands of people who are disabled who have partners who work.

Yes my husband is one of them. It is possible to care for someone AND work. There are literally thousands of people who do just that.

If she is able to work self employed, I am struggling to see why she can’t take on a paye job to make up for the loss of earnings

What loss of earnings? I haven't said anything about a loss of earnings? I'm fact I was rather clear that I am in the most favourable position right now with work.

The cynic in me would wonder if it is because it is traceable and Universal Credit would adjust in line with that.

I don't actually know a thing about UC.

As self employed that isn’t the case- and if she is claiming significant tax credit element she clearly isn’t earning a lot self employed so I am baffled as to why she wouldn’t be able to take on a PAYE job that pays more.

I never said I was claiming a significant amount on very low self employed wage. I said we have a low income and my earnings vary according to my need to be at home.

I'm baffled at you not understanding that I earn MORE self employed in my job than i ever could as an employee. It offers me the flexibility that I need for my DC's and my DH.

My DH became disabled 3 years ago. We have not always been in the low income bracket. We don't fucking like it, but hey, at least he didn't die.

Now fuck off.

Thanks to everyone who has tried to help, it's much appreciated.

Planning to chat with DS and see what his friends will be doing (nearer the time obviously) and will do some maths with him and see what we can work out.

£30 if he can afford it?

You know the idea that I am trying to be maximise the benefits for minimum work really bothers me.

I work damn hard. Both professionally and personally. I get some tax credits and child benefit.

I don't claim housing benefit, council tax benefit, carers allowance or anything else. DH doesn't claim a penny.

If I wanted the easy way I would give up work and claim it all. It's laughable that anyone thinks I am making no effort and should seek an employee position.

My job earns well, it is flexible and it suits my situation.

For the poster who thinks they know better, I think you should give up being so judgemental; you are not very good at it. You are miles off the mark with your cynicism.

I haven't rtft but when DS1 was at uni until last year he paid about £320 per month for a very small room in a shared house. He had to buy food on top. I think utilities were included. He had to work part-time to supplement his income to afford to live as we weren't at that time financially in a position to support him much. We did send him a food shop every month.

That's just to give you an idea of what students have to pay when they're not living at home.

We charge DS1 and DD £50 per week board as they're both working. For some reason DS1 seems to resent this. I think it's because many of his (24 yo) friends pay no board.

We provide food but find that they have takeaways and buy their own quite often which is annoying as it's difficult to plan.

In conclusion I think £50 per week is fair.

Mines 21,earns about 900 and pays 160.

You know the idea that I am trying to be maximise the benefits for minimum work really bothers me.

Don't let the posters who obviously have some sort of weird agenda get to you. I'm not sure why you're getting such a hard time for asking a question thays asked on here frequently.

When I was a teenager (17-19) I lived at home whilst doing my a-levels. I did 7 over 3 years so pretty full on (sciences and languages). My mum also made me pay half the rent and utilities on the house so I had to work full-time alongside this studying. She absolutely was just seeing the ££ and basically using my income to fund her addictions. Needless to say, I went to uni for an easier life and I never returned home. We're now NC.

It may be worth making sure you and your husband are claiming what you can be. You've paid into the system, that's what it's there for.

I'd talk to him about it. Work out a fair contribution for bills. See if he'd rather pay say £35 and buy his own food, or £50 for everything. Him deciding will make him feel better about it. I always payed my grandparents keep, they didn't ask but it felt the right thing to do. I used to leave £200 on the kitchen table every month.

I think £50 p/w is fine. If you do find he can't afford travel, books etc. you can always revise it downwards anyway.