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Original poster

I think my five-year-old is being bullied by so-called friends. Would anyone recommend martial arts as a thing to help him?

13 replies

Waterglass7 · 20/11/2018 08:18

I keep hearing a few things that make me concerned. The so-called friend won’t play with him (fine, not everyone wants to play with everyone!), so-called friend pinned him on the floor (absolutely not fine!) and then the other day, I picked him up from school and he had a very red mark on his head. So-called friend had been hitting him with his bag while another boy sat on him to keep him still.

I’m obviously going to talk to the teacher about this, but DC doesn’t seem upset. I am sooooooo upset!

What else can I do? Thinking I might enroll him in martial arts to give him confidence and defend himself? (Ie not fight - just be able to push them off him!)

Anyone else got any tips? He says this boy is his friend and doesn’t want to stop playing with him

I don’t want to overreact but I definitely don’t want to under-react!

Anyone else managed to help their kids stop being picked on via martial arts?

OP posts:

user789653241 · 20/11/2018 08:39

My ds has been doing martial arts since 5. Started for more for self confidence thing, since he is small and has quirky personality.
It really made him emotionally and physically strong.

There is a strict rule that if they use the skill outside club, they will be dismissed, so never became violent or fight with others at school. Yet fighting and defending the children who is sometimes bigger than him made him very confident, and protective against smaller ones.

The school show case children doing outside clubs often on school fairs and assemblies, so everyone knows he is good at martial arts, no one dare to pick on him now.

user789653241 · 20/11/2018 08:41

*fighting bigger children at the club during lesson, not at the school.

Original poster

Waterglass7 · 20/11/2018 08:42

Ahh that’s so good to hear, irvineoneohone! I am going to sign him up! He’s very shy, which is my worry. Might see the other kids there and the whole thing and not want to take part. Fingers crossed he does and that it works as well for him...

OP posts:

GreenTeacup · 20/11/2018 08:42

Yes for confidence but at this age the focus is on general fitness and discipline rather than teacher actual self defence moves:

Speak to the teachers.

Original poster

Waterglass7 · 20/11/2018 21:32

I spoke to the teacher today. She said she’d keep an eye out, but I don’t feel reassured. DH thinks I should talk to the other boy’s parents but I don’t want to. Should I?

Have found a martial arts class locally, and have booked a taster session for this weekend, and really hoping it’ll get DC feeling emotionally and physically strong. This whole thing has me in pieces! Dc seemed completely fine after school today. It’s so hard to know what’s going on and what to do!

OP posts:

HicDraconis · 20/11/2018 21:39

Both my children have done karate since they were 5 - it's been great for their resilience and physical strength, not to mention good fitness. It was very useful when DS1 had another child (with known issues) jump on his back and start hitting his head repeatedly, DS1 was able to get him off and on to the ground safely. He didn't get into trouble for using karate at school (the other child didn't get into trouble for hitting DS1 repeatedly around the head either but that's another irritating story).

I started karate a few months later, you should try it :-)

user789653241 · 20/11/2018 22:09

I don't think it's a good idea to talk to the parents now. It can get very emotional and messy. I think you should keep an eye, and close contact with the teacher, but trust the teacher and let them deal with it first. If it doesn't improve, then maybe, but I really think school problem should be dealt within school, providing the teacher/school is helping.

My ds started at 5, but it wasn't really serious until he was in ks2. It was more about having fun and getting exercise, learning to concentrate and listen and following instructions in ks1. But it's all such a valuable thing for young children.

I really hope he likes it, but even if he doesn't like one club, maybe you can still try another. My ds is in yr6(10) now, and he has gained so much confidence, found many friends of different ages.
Also knowing he can easily take down who attacks him mindlessly makes him really confident, and don't need to feel fear for the bully.

Original poster

Waterglass7 · 20/11/2018 22:10

So good to hear, hic! (Can’t believe the other child didn’t get into trouble for that!)

Crossing all my fingers that the martial arts place near me is good and that DC likes the taster enough to go back again!

OP posts:

Original poster

Waterglass7 · 20/11/2018 22:13

Thank you, irvineoneohone. Instinctively, I felt like it wouldn’t be the right time to talk to the parents. I am sure they’ll react emotionally and maybe won’t even know what to say to their DC anyway?

Yes good point if he doesn’t like this taster session this weekend - I will try another club! Feeling excited about this!

OP posts:

Yabbers · 20/11/2018 22:27

Martial arts isn't the answer. I wonder if you had a daughter if it would be your first response? Plenty of ways to build confidence without immediately jumping to a physical solution. Talk to the school and insist they do something more than keep an eye on him .Your son has made a complaint about bullying and the best thing to do for his confidence is show him the adults in his life believe him and are willing to help by tackling the bullies, rather than making it his responsibility to defend himself bettter.

ohdearmymistake · 20/11/2018 22:47

Problem is Yabbers my DN is going through the same at school and the teachers are hopeless, they don't deal with the bully.

I have suggested martial arts for DN to try, and would have no hesitation doing the same if it was a girl in this situation.

This sort of confidence will last a life time not just now.

user789653241 · 20/11/2018 23:05

Yabbers, a lot of girls do martial arts. It's not about physical solution. Martial arts involves not just attacking people, but self control, respect for others, discipline, concentration, etc.
And to be able to defend themselves without hurting others excessively is one of the best skill you can get in this day and age, tbh.

EstuaryBird · 20/11/2018 23:13

Yes. When I was a child I was shy and nervous - a total bully magnet.

My Dad took me to Judo and it was the making of me. I gained confidence and a strong sense of self worth. I went from being the child whose voice shook when she answered the register to eventually being the adult who travelled round the world on her own.

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