How do you get rid of this awful guilty feeling?

[goatscheesepie]

So my DS is 8months and starts at nursery today.
I thought I was fine with everything but I have been in tears all last night and this morning. I am watching my DS play and I just feel so guilty that I am not the one looking after him anymore.
I am going back to work, condensing my 5 day week into 4 but I still feel like I am giving too much to my job (this was the only compromise they would allow and I am reallly grateful for thr day off)
I'm not enthusiastic at returning to work. I feel so out of the loop and could barely recognise my role on my KIT days but I know I will figure it out when I get stuck in a little more.
I feel so bad about it all and it's really taken me by surprise.
Would be grateful for any stories on how you coped with it all!!

I couldn't eat for the first few days ds was at nursery I felt so weird. You will get used to it and he will too and both of you enjoy all the extra fun he's having and you'll get stuck back in to work. Just takes a little time to acclimatise.

It’s so hard isn’t it? The most important thing to remember is that you are returning to work so you can provide for your child - your home, food, clothes. All the essential things that a child needs. These things are a necessity and you are being a responsible and loving parent by making sure he has them.

I do totally understand the feelings though, I was the same.

Give it a couple of months and see how you get on. Don’t forget you can always change whatever isn’t working, maybe a different job or different childcare. Are you able to work from home one day a week? I found thinking about it in a temporary way helped, so this is what we are doing right now but we will change it as soon as soon as we need to.

Do you know about parental leave?

Get used to it! Sorry that sounded harsh. My dd has been in nursery since she was 10 months, five days a week m, I work full time.
I feel so guilty, so so so guilty every day, and every evening, I spend probably around an hour and a half with her all day in the week (single parent, no choice but to send her, no family etc). Everyone on my case, 'oh you'll never get this time back, they grow so quickly' etc etc etc.

Then at weekends I feel guilty as I have to drag her around doing chores like shopping and life admin that I don't get the chance to do in the week...

But.. she absolutely loves it! She has made lots of little friends, she is so well cared for, and I console myself with that fact. She does activities there that I wouldn't have time to do with her (yes, I know, terrible mother), it's been brilliant for her social skills and confidence.

Could you book into a class or something on the days you have off, so you can do something meaningful/bonding together? We do swimming lessons at the weekend which she loves, and that's 'our thing'.

Also, when I pick her up at the end of each day, she comes crawling over, huge smile on her face, so that's the best part of my day. Although then I feel guilty that she's missed me.

Long story short, you are human, you love your baby, you will feel guilty (my mother likes to remind me that this is merely another part of being a parent). But hopefully your ds will settle in quickly and have a ball!

This is just the start, motherhood brings with it a feeling of guilt about EVERYTHING.
My advice would be don't try to overcompensate during the time that you're together, you'll just end up tired. I used to run myself ragged trying to fit in work and chores as well as days out/quality time with my DC. A food shop with quick stop off at a field to see some cows and a treat in the cafe afterwards was one of my DC's favourite things to do as a toddler. It was only me thinking that I needed to drag them out to a farm for a whole day to still be a good mum.