Have name changed for this as don't want it linked with my usual username. I was the victim of Domestic Violence and Abuse from my husband. He is now taking me through the family courts to try and

[HeresTheName]

Posted over on legal matters but need responses pronto so posting here too.

Have name changed for this as don't want it linked with my usual username.

I was the victim of Domestic Violence and Abuse from my husband. He is now taking me through the family courts to try and have our DC live with him.

I have applied for Legal Aid, but am struggling to find the evidence to back up the abuse.

I asked for a letter from my GP, she's happy to provide it but the turn around for the letter is 1 month, I asked for the letter in plenty of time but the doctor wants a face to face appointment with me before writing it which isn't going to be for another few weeks.

I had support from Women's Aid but they lost their funding in October and discharged me from the service due to that so can't help.

I am awaiting referral to other services; Counselling, Victim Support etc but I was only referred after WA closed and due to them closing there is a backlog for other services so won't be referred in time.

Social Worker involved is staying mutual so won't write it I don't think she believes I was abused

The deadline is this Friday.

Is there anywhere else I can try asking? I might get it on financial grounds as I get Income Support, Child Tax Credits and CB for my DC but there's more going out of my account than coming in yet I'm not in debt (as I have a small overdraft) so my solicitor thinks my application will be rejected.

I can't afford to pay for this so it will be a case of letting my abusive Ex have our DC if I can't fight this.

How old are the DC?

If you get stuck, you could represent yourself?

Or speak nicely to GP receptionist and explain the urgency?

Sending you heaps and heaps of sympathy

DC is 3

.

You can also talk to Coram’s legal advice help line? There is a free service or for £25 you can have a half hour phone consultation. I paid for this when representing myself and they gave me really good advice

You can't convince a court that your h was abusive. It will only make you look like the crazy one so ACCEPT that now.

What you can do if you have any proof is press charges. I chose not to do that.

All you can do is get a solicitor who will expose the fact that his words and his self-belief do not match his actions.

Can you get the hearing postponed on the grounds that you haven't found representation yet?

Oh I see OP - obviously not old enough to give evidence. I'd ask for a same day appointment if the normal appointment system is too unwieldy to be of use and yes, represent yourself. You'll probably be far more compelling than a solicitor speaking for you second hand. You can keep costs to a minimum by asking the solicitor simply to guide you through the procedural aspects.

I have representation and my solicitor put through the claim for legal aid, but she won't progress and represent me without legal aid. It's that that i need to get.

I pressed charges on one occasion

If you're not eligible you won't get it so you may need to concentrate on a Plan B.

I don't think I'd be able to represent myself. I had to speak in the initial hearing to confirm my name and my DCs name and DOB and I could barely manage that.

Where abouts are you (roughly, nothing identifying) I've worked in this area for some years and know of some really
Good local programmes depending on location, other posters might know the same for their area

Midlands

from a pp;
You can't convince a court that your h was abusive. It will only make you look like the crazy one so ACCEPT that now.

This is totally, utterly wrong. Every day women (and men) represent themselves in court and prove their allegations. The courts know that DV often leaves very little by way of a paper trail, and it does often come down to one word against another, but that can be enough.

It is nonsense to say that you won't be able to prove this but you could press charges. Criminal charges require a higher standard of proof, ie they are more difficult to prove.

OP good luck. You might just be able to find something, some little thing, that backs you up. Anything in your GP records, your children's school notes, a neighbour, a family member, a friend - anyone who saw or heard anything, or someone you spoke to?

My GP records state I was abused and they were aware of it, but my GP wants a face to face appointment so she can write the letter and then it's going to be a few weeks until I get the letter after that as it has to go to the Practice Manager for checking. I can't get an appointment until 3rd December and the deadline is Friday.

I pressed charges once against Ex.

Neighbours say they heard stuff but won't stand up in court or give a statement of evidence. Been told not to use Family as they may embellish or over exaggerate and could make the situation worse.

DC is in Nursery but they have to remain mutual as if custody switches to Ex they have to have a relationship with him.

To get an adjournment it's £115, and it states that the adjournment may not necessarily be accepted by the other party and I'd still be charged. Not sure it's worth the risk of Ex saying no because £115 is a lot of money to me.

Following op. My friend was in a similar situation and her dc were Handed to exp

Despite him being abusive to her and cuffing one of the dc aged 5 round head
She wasn’t allowed to see them for 13 weeks
Tables were totally turned on her and she was made out to be the abusive one

She’s a lovely mum.
You couldnt make this up
She’s still on fortnightly supervised session
The petty things that she’s been reported for you. Couldn’t make up
I can’t put here. Too outing
But she has represented herself and has also instructed a barrister
Cost her a fortune

How this hasn’t messed the kids up I don’t know

Dowser

This is my worry, he's telling everyone I abused him, he tells people he's scared of me, I stop him seeing DC.

I'm screwed aren't I?

First off Breathe.
I went through one of the worst court cases with my exh. He had great backing from his parents and I was deemed the abuser. I stayed calm didn't make any huge attempts to convince anyone I wasn't, they have to prove I was- which I wasn't. They had to prove I wasn't a great mother which they didn't. Checking with schools, doctored everything and it was highly embarrassing! They never seen him collect the dc or go to the gp.
I had a few scary court days over twos years, looking as if they were siding with him, but they didn't because I didn't fight a huge battle. It wasn't a case of me preventing contact, never stopped it, he chose not to come.
A cafcass report was thrown to one side, because the judge said it was all about me parenting and not about contact - it was very one sided ( on his) I had an agreement plan layout and the judge said that would be the order.
I had to take huge deep breath( I was a young mum, working going to college and raising my dc. He was living at home in a huge house and said he could proved better. But by the end he knew he didn't want them full time, he just wanted to fight and I wasn't giving it to him.

You said you could barely talk, that's fine, you don't have to say loads, it's best not too, at one point I paid for a solicitor and they were crap, told me a whole heap of rubbish before hand and when we got in to court they didn't do anything and I just sat there.
Try to stay calm, taking dc away from mothers is hard.

Any posts on here from way back? Any cctv of verbal/ physical abuse? Could you do a request for your notes from Gp and submit the request as interim evidence, along with the response (provided within 3 days) detailing timescales to support an extension? Testimony from friends? Alarm camera footage if you have a home alarm system? Screenshots of texts (“apologies” etc to back up other info)?
Can you request an urgent appointment at the Gp? Mine offer same day slots if you ring at 8.30. Or would a phone appointment work?

They won't give me a same day appointment with the GP for it and even if I get it I'll still miss the deadline as the letter still needs to go to the practice manager before it's physically in my hands it's the surgeries policy apparently. I can request to see my medical notes but they can't be taken out of the surgery, my solicitor advised me to do that and I asked but I can only view the notes in the surgery.

I've only really had friends since we split as he cut me off from everyone.

No CCTV, no alarm system.

I have tests but it's all him threatening suicide as I've driven him to it as I'm such a nasty person. Solicitor says he may use that to show I was the abuser but we can submit them.

Is this of any use?
childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/hearings-in-the-family-court/
There's a phone number at the bottom of the page, and an email address. You're allowed one email. I'd email them tonight including your phone number, and try phoning in the morning.

My understanding is that the interests of justice must be met so I would contact the Court Clerk tomorrow and ask their advice.

The police and the doctor's surgery can surely provide letters saying that written evidence is available but is taking some time to collect.
Women's Aid should be able to say that due to cuts in finding they had to refer you elsewhere and that that evidence is also not yet available.

funding

Can you photograph your medical notes?

To request a letter from my GP it will still need to go to the practice manager, who does not do favours for anyone she's known for it, she has a sign on her door saying that if you have a deadline she may not meet it as everythings dealt with in priority order, and anything for court or anyone outside the NHS is lowest priority. If you try and ask her to bump you up the list she ignores the request and it's suspected that your bumped down the list. I will not get the letter for legal aid in time for the deadline even if I see my GP tomorrow it'll still take minimum of a week to go to be seen by the practice manager.

I cannot afford to pay my solicitor and I'm not confident representing myself.

Women's Aid I have to call the national helpline, but I will try in the morning see if they have records of me and see if they can help, but not hopeful I'll get it in time but we can see. My support worker along with her colleagues lost their jobs so I can't even contact someone locally to help me.

What would I request from the police? And how?

What would I request from the police? And how?

The date you pressed charges, what the charges were, and the outcome. Contact the officer involved if you still have their details. Otherwise contact the station. Ask for a copy of their records but that too will take time.
I think you just need proof that the evidence of your ex's behaviour exists but it's taking time to get it together.

AFAIK you can copy your medical records. I see no reason why you shouldn't photograph them. Whether the court would accept photographs is another matter, but at least you would know exactly what they say and could tell the court the exact wording. I wouldn't let the dragon lady know I was photographing. Take along a notepad and pen to copy the relevant sections as well. In any case I think the court could order the records to be released to it.