Children and cat, how would you deal with this?

[Sparrowlegs248]

I have a cat, pre dates the children by about 10 months. Children 1 and 3. Cat is a bit scatty, nervy. She will run away if they start running about, being noisy. They aren't rough with her but have swiftly cordoned on that they can make her run away. They shout her name, "pat" the ned/cushion near to where she is sitting. Swing cuddlybtoys about in the vicinity. In order to make her run away .

It's driving me bloody potty. I tell them every.single.time.

Its not kind, she doesn't like it, don't shout at the cat (they don't really shout at her, more like around her) don't chase her. Have made them sit in the bathroom with me so I can see them while getting ready.

None of it makes a single bit of difference.

Any ideas?

To clarify, the cat is currently laying on top of the armchair in the same room as them, by choice. So is not completely traumatised. But even so I bloody hate it.

Poor cat. Can the cat escape somewhere out of reach of the children? Upstairs for example? If so, and she's choosing not too, she probably isn't too traumatised.

I imagine the answer will be to train your children - but as I know nothing whatsoever about children I'm not in a position to advise on how you can do that.

I think you need a cat-only zone in your house. Could you use a safety-gate to section off a room/area? I use one to give my cats a dog-free zone - even my elderly cat can still leap the gate with ease. Mine is in fact a child safety gate so I am guessing that it would work with DC of 1 and 3.

The cat has free run of the house and goes upstairs in the daytime, when we are generally downstairs . There's also 3 days a week when we are all out, when I'm at work, so she gets some respite .

Really I want suggestions on HOW to train the children.

Oh, sorry - I can't help you there .

I'm.at a bit of a loss tbh. They are generally pretty good but have made a game of this. Obviously I can't tell the cat not to react.

Remind them Santa is watching....

Haha thanks Santa. They don't really understand that concept yet.

I think at age 1 and 3, you might just have to wait for them to grow out of it.

Hopefully the 3 year old will start listening to you soon and the 1 year old might calm down when her sibling does.

When I was little, I learnt to stop tormenting the cat, as soon as it scratched me!

how about teaching/showing the kids how to play with her. a bunch of feathers on a fishing rod type thing or a ball of foil , rather that scare her
also watch 'My Cat from Hell' with Jackson Galaxy he is so good training people how to train/sort their cats

Have them come up with a story about your cat's life. With pictures/scribbles that they do to help them remember how it goes. Then they sit and read the story to the cat. Just in the same room, not AT the cat. It helps the cat get used to their voices and might help them empathise with the cat a bit.

Every time they do it, send them for a timeout (not together). So they start to understand how annoying it is to have your time/activities interrupted.

The 3 yr old takes more notice when I tell them, but does it just as much next time.

They can't really play with her, she's very fiesty. She would certainly scratch them if they pulled her tail or something but they seem to realise not to do this!

She sits on the bed at bedtime quite often, having the bedtime story, and sleeps in dc1 room.

We have baby gates up so the cats can escape when they need.

However one utterly doofy cat insists on sitting near the toddler where she can get to him.

we remove her immediately if she’s annoying the cats and show her how to stroke them. But she’s little and thinks they’re furry toys.

They can escape her if they need by jumping over the baby gate.

Sometimes they just choose to sit near her and watch her suspiciously.

It's something they will just have to grow out of - keep reprimanding them though. I have a 3yo and 5 cats - the cats predate ds by about 3 years. He's just about getting it. Anything he uses to scare the cats (scuttle bug, toys etc) get confiscated for the rest of the day immediately. Do you have a nice high cat tree for the cat to escape up? We have a 2m tall one, so they can sit at the top and not be bothered by ds when they don't want to be and they get loads of fuss and treats when ds is asleep, at preschool etc.

I'd tell them off with a very firm "NO!" when they make a game out of frightening the cat, then explain that they are scaring her and it isn't funny. They need to learn that some things just aren't acceptable and this is one of them.

I do agree with the previous suggestions of involving them with the cat in a positive way, reading something like the 'Mog' stories might help?

They are very good with another very placid cat, gentle at stroking etc. If they ran past him.hed just watch them.

It's possible as my son has special needs and knows not to hurt the animals .. you have to be consistent and tell them again and again and again . There needs to be consequences to their behaviour too.. I will not tolerate cruelty to animals even if it's 'only ' teasing ..

They don't hurt her. When they do touch her they are very gentle.

I think repeatedly scaring an animal is cruel though. It’s bound to cause anxiety.

It just happened, cat on the bed, 1yr old goes up and shouts her name while slamming both hands down on the bed about a do It away from her. Cat jumps down and goes and lays on landing. So, I don't think she's too anxious about it. But I completely agree it's horrible and needs to stop.

I would work on the 3yo and you'll almost certainly find the 1yo follows.

So talking about kind hands, how the cat likes you to stroke gently, etc. Tell stories about what the cat did when they were out (doesn't have to be interesting, my ds was fascinated by the story of 5p in my purse for ages.)
Make the cat interesting, a friend, and they're rewarded for being nice. You'll probably find the 3yo saying to the 1yo "no, we must be nice to the cat. Let me show you."

And also (going back to my first post) you can encourage the 3yo by saying things like "you're so good with the cat. That's because you're so grown up now. You know it's better to be kind to the cat. Little ones don't understand like we do." make it a collusion between the 3yo and you and they'll feel too grown up to do it.

I think if theyre not actually hurting her, and she is just a bit scared of their general rowdiness, then theres not a lot you can do, unless you want to ban them from calling her name?

Sounds like she can always get away, which is good. Id keep telling them about being gentle, but tbh, theyre babies themselves, and you do need to have realistic expectations

If the cat is actively choosing to sit near them, rather than safely in another room which she can easily access, and they aren’t actually hurting her, then I don’t think she’s too traumatized by it.

My house is exactly the same. 3 year old and 1 year old and cat (although my cat is only 5 and is energetic and likes to play). The older one is much improved now and doesn’t bother her too much. Likes to play with her with cat toys and will stroke her nicely. He does have his moments of getting over excited when he’s playing with her, but overall he seems to respect her. He’s only been scratched a couple of times and it definitely helps as a deterrent. The baby justs tries to pull her tail constantly as wants to play with her. The cat is not stupid and knows this, and yet still sits near her so I consider it her own fault! (Obviously I do not encourage DD to do this, but if the cat hated them she would be on her cat tree or on a bed upstairs)