How is violence handled in a reception class?

[Stormwhale]

There is a boy in my Dds class who has been really unkind to her, pushing her around and it's making her very unhappy. This boy has also been violent to another child.

I have told the teacher my concerns (just about dd, not other children), to which she says that it will be dealt with, but it is continuing.

I don't know if they cannot tell me what they are doing to stop this, but I am feeling very stressed out and would like some reassurance, which I have told them.

In your experience, how is violence handled in children of this age? What can I expect from the school in this situation?

I am so happy with the school in every other respect, but this is really concerning me. I am worried about the effect it is having on dd.

V quick, slightly unhelpful answer... im sure school are trying everything and have a behaviour management plan in place, working towards additional support applications if appropriate. The child is probably doing this to all the children, which is cold comfort, but not a bullying issue. And the parents of said child are probably scared and struggling themselves. Schools take this v seriously but they cannot work through a process much faster and behaviour strategies take a long time to show impact in most cases. I hear your concern, but this isn't something you can get changed overnight I'm afraid.

Bump.

Sorry just, I refreshed the page and there were no replies.

Thank you for your answer. You are right that it isn't much comfort, especially when dd is getting so upset. I'm not sure of the best ways to help dd with it either. What sort of behaviour management techniques do you mean?

In the first instance things like use of visuals, reduced language, personalised curriculum, social groups and reward systems. Next level could include things like time out, restraint, removal from class, nurture provision.

Hi my ds is in reception and began school on a bad note I'm sorry to say, he was hitting and pushing his classmates (mostly the boys) and throwing things in the classroom in which the teacher was hit.

I've been into school twice now and am awaiting a third meeting to discuss his progress.

He's being closely monitored and has a book in which his teacher writes in each day, we also take things off him and make him earn it back, it took him 3 weeks to earn tv, tablet and all his toys back last term and it's definitely worked he has had no incidents in school.

We also encourage him to talk about his feelings, we bought a book called 'how am I feeling today?' Which we use everyday to learn to deal with social interactions and anger especially, we also try and get him to use a 'magic box' where he can store his frustrations and anger in the moment and shut away. We then discuss them later using the book. We also found out that his anxiety levels were high due to his classmates winding him up on purpose, either physically antagonising him or verbally or getting him into trouble when he hadn't done anything. ( this was found out via the closer monitoring). He wasn't able to stay on task due to another child following him round and winding him up for fun so they are now separated.
There needs to be consistency between school and home to guide a child who is behaving this way. We were very worried as he doesn't behave this way at home however by having a close relationship with school we've managed to overcome and it and were looking forward to discuss his successes with his teachers soon.

I would just keep reporting it every time it happens and request that the children are separated if they can.

@AnOrgyofBarminess - you sound like a lovely mum, and like you are doing everything you can. Unfortunately this boys parents are not like that.

I have just had dd crying again saying she doesn't want to go to school tomorrow because of this. I feel frustrated and angry.

But how do you know that parents are not doing anything?

I’m sorry but high and mighty parents such as you make luge a damn sight harder.

They will not conduct meetings in full view of other parents nor will they explain reasonings behind the behaviour to all. So anything you have heard is nothing more than gossip.

@Stormwhale

Thank you.

They can't always go through the ins and outs of the meetings. Have you spoken to the headteacher?

My ds is also being monitored to see if they need to proceed with a SEN assessment which I'm doubtful will be the case he suffered with glue ear and despite me shouting from the rooftops he only had his op 2 years ago which meant he has a slight issue with noise (even though he can make a lot too) he seems to get disoriented and giddy in large crowds. I'm interested to hear what they have to say anyways.

Mrspear- I know the family quite well. The home life is very chaotic and unpleasant. There are many reasons why this boy is so unhappy. It is very unlikely that the parents will be able or willing to tackle it in the way that the pp has. I am not high and mighty I am upset and feel very sorry for the boy. It is not hearsay, it is what i have seen with my own eyes. It is a complicated situation.

@AnOrgyofBarminess - I was wondering if I should be going higher than dds teacher, but I do not want to cause the good relationship that I have with her to break down in any way.

I am sorry I have been vague about the boy, but it was not what I wanted the focus of the thread to be. I wanted to know how this is usually handled as I do understand that the school may not be able to tell me. It's just so stressful to have dd in bits over it without knowing what is being done to stop it.

I think you need to address it again with the teacher - it's a safeguarding issue if it's happening all the time and they're not protecting your DD from violence. They don't need to tell you the details of what they're doing to stop it, but whatever they're doing now isn't effective and it needs to be, fast. You can say that while still acknowledging that you understand the little boy may have issues/unhappiness going on.

If you don't get results from the teacher, go to the head. It may be that this kid needs more than just behaviour strategies, but also really close supervision until those strategies start working for him.

If it's bad enough that it's making your DD want to stay at home, you need to get them to tackle it. Oh, and make sure she tells a teacher every time it happens, and that it's being logged.

It's high and mighty parents like you
Seriously?! Why is it high and mighty to worry about your child experiencing violence at school???

anything you've heard is nothing more than gossip
It's not what she's heard that's worrying her, it's what's happening to her child.

Your approach to the school needs to be about how they will safeguard your child. Exactly how they manage the behaviour of the other child isn’t your concern and they won’t (or shouldn’t) discuss it. But they have a duty of care to keep your child safe and they should be able to outline how they plan to do this.

I am going to speak to her again in the morning and let her know that dd was in tears tonight saying she doesn't want to go to school. It just feels like a very one sided conversation at the moment, with me telling her in detail what dd has said and how she has been feeling, and me getting very little back.

@missyB1 - thank you, I think the pp was angry because I had not explained how I know what the parents will or won't do. I'm not willing to hash out someone else's problems here, I just want to help my own dd.

Wolfie I think you are right. I have not outright asked how they are going to keep dd safe. I have asked how the situation is going to be managed and not had a response yet. I guess that is too vague as it sounds more like I want to know what they are doing with the boy.

You do need to be very explicit. And expect a clear plan of action. You obviously feel sympathy for the other child but your focus here needs to be ensuring she is safe and feels secure at school.

Go in the morning . Tell them what your dd has said and you want a meeting to discuss how your dd is been safeguarded

'high and mighty' how on earth have you extrapolated that from the my child is experiencing physical and verbal agression??

PP is right, school aren't going to discuss other child with you. You need to focus on what teacher can do to make your dd feel better and give her strategies for coping.

The conversation with the teacher this morning was much more reassuring. She has told me that it is being dealt with and other parents and the boys parents are involved. She has also told me how she is going to help dd with her feelings of not wanting to come to school and about conversations she has had with Dd about this. She has told dd that no matter what they want to hear what is happening and that dd can do whatever it takes to make sure a member of staff hears her if it happens.

She is such a good teacher, and I think as long as this situation is dealt with Dd will absolutely thrive with her. I'm just crossing my fingers that it starts to settle down now.

I do hope so OP.

Good glad she is been heard.