Stressed and run down

[evianque]

Hi all,

I don't even know why I'm typing this. I guess I'm just looking for somewhere to vent.

I feel so constantly stressed to the point where I think I'm making myself unwell.

I have a 1.5 year old who I'm away from far more than I want to be. Money was tight so I had to increase my hours at work. I'm struggling to juggle my career and my mummy life when quite frankly I wish I could pack it all in and look after my child.

I can't afford to do that. I can't afford to cut my hours and I don't think work would agree to it anyway. I'm stressed having to keep say no to out of work events that I don't want to attend.

I'm sick of me and DH worrying about money. Although I'm the worrier, he's so laid back and takes the "it's fine attitude".

Other than money and work, I feel like I don't really have friends. Plus I don't have time for the ones I do have.

Life is just hard. It's fucking hard.

I don't know why I'm saying all this. There's people far worse off than me and I suppose these are daily worries for most. But I'm just fed up, stressed and feel like shit.

Just venting.

For context. I only work Mon-Fri so I'm by no means hard done by.

When I AM with my child he just moans and whinges. Typical toddler. But I also find that hard.

I'm just a mess right now

Nobody else feel this too? I feel like I can do no right!!

Didn't want to read and run Op.
Sorry to hear things are so stressful for you right now

Thank you @Pavlova31

I think I just needed somewhere to let it all out, you know.

I've cried and cried this afternoon and feel better for just letting it go!

Hey OP. I can relate to this. Sounds tough. I am a LP and was pretty much on my own with a baby and still am! I was also trying to juggle a career at the time and realise I was putting far too much pressure on myself.

Go easy on yourself. Is there any way you can cut down? Could you get tax credits? Housing benefit? Other benefits if you cut down on your work?

If you can't get any extra help e.g. benefits can you find ways of cutting down your expenses to make cutting down your time at work a bit more viable? Also remember that if you do cut down a day or so at work tax will be a bit less (bearing in mind the tax allowance) so it might not be as bad as you anticipate financially.

Also when you have more time to yourself you can make more financial savings e.g. cook a bit more to save more money, shop about etc.

It's tough when they are little, toddlers etc. Remember it will pass. For me it became a bit easier from age 2 on and gets easier and easier with each month....

Do you have family support? Can you find some me-time each week? Just a couple of hours doing something you want to do? Sounds like you need a break yourself. It's essential otherwise you will go mad!! Swimming, self care - anything. Make it a priority.

Friends - hard to make and keep when you have little kids. Take the pressure off and just focus on you and your family for now if you don't have time to make new ones.

Good luck OP, its tough but it will get easier. x

Hi @crumbledumptious

Thank you so much for that. That's really helped.

My main concern other than finances is that I'm in a new job (approx 4 months into a 6 month probation period) so I'm not actually sure where I stand with reducing my hours. I don't think it's something that's an option. Even one day would make me so so so much happier.

On the flip side, I don't think the loss of earnings would be justified against what I'd save on childcare (if that makes sense!)

It's hard. I know I could be far worse off. We aren't eligible for tax credits due to my partners income but we are by no means well off. We penny pinch each month which causes me the most stress.

I just feel so shit for being away so often

Do you really want to keep the job? Look on the bright side - after 2 months the probation will be over. But then what?

Sounds like you need to reconsider your life in a major way... I'm not sure full time career and young kids are practical. Could you condense your hours into less days a week? Or do 1 less hour each day?

I'm thinking practically here...

Financially you say you're having issues - is this because of debt? mortgage? Living somewhere too expensive? Overspending? Depending on the reasons, what can you do about it, practically? Get a lodger? move somewhere cheaper? Do a monthly budget? Could your DP increase his hours so you could cut down? Have you looked at other jobs? Could you go freelance or do something more flexible around your kid?

It does sound like your DP is not providing the support you need. His attitude sounds like you need to talk properly. Does he help with the kid and house? Does he know how stressed you are?

Be very aware of your health and mental health. I pushed myself way too far and made myself very ill - chronic fatigue (or something like that), hair loss from stress and barely able to walk at times. It's just not worth it, you need to look after yourself.

Also - can you see your GP - sounds like you could really do with some mental health support at this time. x

PS I didn't mean to sound too on a downer about full time work there. It works for some parents, but if the downside is you're feeling awful, overtired, guilty and so on, is it really worth it or is there a way you can improve things if you do want to stick it out at work...

Is your DH pulling his weight? You shouldn’t be stressed and run down if he is fine. You need to share the burden. Does he help around the house? Do you get any time for yourself at the weekend?

I found full time work such a struggle with babies/toddlers. I made myself ill trying to juggle it all.

@Delatron yes, to be fair to him he's really good. Cooks dinner, collects our LO from childcare, helps on weekends etc so I can't really complain about him. In my OP I really meant more he takes a laid back attitude with money whereas I'm very cautious and manage our finances.

I think my main issue is I feel I get no time with my toddler. And all the other stresses just follow.

Maybe I'm ungrateful or dramatic. Who knows.

You’re neither! It’s so tricky. Pleased he helps but yes that doesn’t change the fact you don’t get enough time with your toddler.

Some of the practical solution above are good. If this is affecting your physical
and mental health then something needs to change.