Successfully reducing breastfeeding

[Eatmycheese]

I’m posting here for traffic in desperation. I’ve breastfed almost constantly since Feb 2016 with two babies.
My daughter is three in feb and my son has just turned one. I am just tired of breastfeeding them both now. My son in particular is shocking and is inconsolable unless he is offered the breast at least eight times a day. He hated formula never touched it and he eats well; in fact loves food. He seems quite keen on cows milk.
He will not take a bottle from me for love nor money
I have co slept for a year and before that have had endless sleepless nights nursing my daughter but refusing to give in to co sleeping. Stupid really as I would have at least slept.

I loved breastfeeding but I feel like I’ve put quite a shift in now and would like to stop feeding my daughter all together and reduce my son to night feeds and first thing in the morning.

Does anyone have any ideas or tips or experiences to share as I am struggling.

Watching in interest as I too have been feeding nonstop since January 2016. My DS is 3 in January and my DD is due to be born next week via ELCS so I would imagine some tandem feeding will be the way forward for a while as I don’t want my DS feeling pushed aside but I’m really not too sure how this is going to work!

Just stop for your baby. He might not like it but tbh that’s tough luck.

I stopped with my last baby at 14 months, I took a week off work to get him into his own room and cot as I was also co-sleeping so never got any sleep as he was constantly rooting and latching on.

Best thing I ever did tbh. Within three days he was reliably in bed and asleep on his own by about 9pm.

Not sure about the three head old as there’s higher capacity for tantrums!

Oh forgot to add, I was doing morning and evening feeds then through the night only at that point as working full time.

Breastfed for 20mths. Slowly reduced it after returning to work, I don’t think saying “just stop and they’ll tough it out” is much help really, there are many steps to get through before fully stopping and if bf is all a child’s ever known it can be quite distressing for them if something as regular (to them) as breathing is taken away.
Here’s what I did, hope it helps:

Night weened first, baby / 3yr old will need to be in their own beds, so tackle this one first.
Fed to sleep then none at all during the night, yes there was resistance at first but it was less than a week and I just went in cuddled / rocked standing up (I had a rocking chair for feeds so didn’t sit in it during the night) and then slowly stopped even picking DD up, just went in for reassurance.

Then a short while later, stopped feeding to sleep, ensured DD had a cup of cows milk before bed and a cuddle but as above, no sitting in the rocking chair, cuddles and rocking to sleep and then eventually just patting on the back then nothing.

Then dropped the morning feed, got up immediately as soon as she woke (c6am), straight down for breakfast and cows milk. No snoozing in bed when she’d not understand why she couldn’t have breastmilk.

The last one to go was the after work feed, a bonding exercise for both of us as much as anything.
Just gently explained that ‘we don’t do mummy milk anymore do we?!’ And have her a cup of cows milk and lots of cuddle time.

Then that was it. This was roughly over a 3 month period though. Yes it could have been done quicker but at times she was teething or had bad colds and quite frankly as much as I was ready to stop breastfeeding, I wasn’t in a huge rush.

It’s ok to want to stop, it’s ok for them to not want you to. It’s life as they know it but with some gentle adjustments and reassurance you will get there and we’ll done for all you’ve done so far.

Second Mimi's post. My experience isn't that helpful, because when I had my babies back in the dark ages most bf babies were weaned off the breast by 9 months, co-sleeping was an absolute NO-NO and I'd never heard of anyone tandem feeding.

But you don't need a bottle. Mine hated them and went straight on to a sippy cup. I'd also wean both at the same time, otherwise your dd will be v upset, and you'll still smell of milk. Sort sleeping in their own bed/cot first, for the same reason.

I'd also have a look into why your ds is 'inconsolable' 8 times a day. How. does he get on with his sister? Might have to tweak the siding relationship? It'd be a good thing to wean him now because he's associating a feed with comfort, which is not helpful in later life.

Good luck and fgs don't feel guilty. You've gone above and beyond and I'm not surprised you've had enough.

With my first we did a lot of talking for a couple of weeks about how mum & dad, her older cousins etc drink their milk from cups. At this point (about 20months?) she was just having a feed before bed and maybe one overnight if teething / upset. We started giving her cows milk in a cup before the bedtime breastfeed and then after a while just told her she didn't need the breastfeed because she's such a big girl & can have her milk from cup. That worked for her. Now she hops into bed after story/milk/teeth.
Still feeding my second.
Good Luck and we'll done for feeding so long. You've done an amazing job.

@MimiSunshine well maybe, but if you read the rest of my post I detailed what I did and how I’d already backed off from anything during the day as I was at work. Why is my experience with my own fully breast fed baby not valid?

PS mine never took a bottle, literally couldn’t work them out, don’t think he’s ever had (cows) milk since either. Just doesn’t like it.

Thanks very much for the support and advice.
@Thymeout he's jut desperate to be latched on. I think teething isn't helping. He has a love,t relationship with his sister and brother who are both under five. He does this funny little chuckle just as I latch him on it's hilarious.

I a, going to try and persevere with dropping the during the day feeds. I didn't feed my daughter last night even though she was literally stamping her feet. She settled eventually.

There is a possibility I am going back to work in the new year so I need to manage his expectations, bless him. I've bought a munchkin cup which I shall try instead of the bottle which is hurled across the floor whenever anyone apart from Granny approaches!

The cot issue is more problematical. He truly hates the bars and it's heartbreaking trying to settle him.
He's too small for his own bed yet so think this will be the other very tricky part.

For your daughter I would explain in terms she'll understand that from you won't be giving her milk anymore. Maybe buy her a special mug to drink cows milk from and a special doll/teddy then give them to her on that day? Lots of cuddles, lots of reassurance, but cold turkey on the breastmilk. She'll be fine, really she will.

For the baby, reduced gradually. Offer one or two less feeds in the day. If he starts plucking at your shirt then either give him a cuddle, distract him, or go for a walk. My DS was similar to yours and I ended up going for a walk around the block with the pushchair after lunch every day to distract him from that mid-afternoon feed. After a few days he stopped asking for it, then I did the same with the mid-morning one and the post-school run one. After around two to three weeks I had him down to breakfast time, midday, and bedtime then dropped the midday one. Carried on doing breakfast and bedtime for a further year by which point he usually skipped the breakfast one and then stopped the bedtime one. That one was rough. I had to wear a bra, a vest, and button up pyjamas to stop him from helping himself during the night and DH had to take over for a few nights but after 2-3 days he was fine.

For night weaning, I'd offer cuddles during the night and nothing more. DD was waking 2-3 times a night until recently and wanting a feed so I did the high necked PJs and out DH in charge of seeing to her during wake ups because she would get angry and upset if I cuddled her but didn't feed her. After a couple of nights of broken sleep she realised that there would be no milk and now if she wakes up (usually due to teeth) she's happy to accept a cuddle and go back to sleep.