What do you do to make your child feel loved?

[Glossymare]

I mean, the extras, on top of the obvious essentials.
I read on a thread the other day how a poster felt envious of a childhood friend, whose mum has warmed up her coat on a radiator. The poster said how her own mum would never have done that for her.
It got me thinking about any extra things I do to show my own children how much I love them. In the winter months, I sometimes warm their towels in the tumble drier for a few minutes before wrapping them in them as they get out their bath/shower. When I’m at the shops I sometimes pick up little treats which I know they’ll like, as a surprise. I have affectionate nicknames for my children. Every night at bedtime, I lie on each of their beds for 5 minutes or so, just to have a chat.
Then, a more personal one. I don’t really drink. Or rather, I don’t get drunk in front of them. My mum was an alcoholic and her drinking really frightened me. I used to lie awake at night shaking, hearing the music getting louder and her slurring away to herself. I didn’t feel unloved, but certainly not a priority. I couldn’t understand why she was so unhappy and would choose her booze despite knowing how scared it made me and what it turned her into. I swore my children wouldn’t go through that. So, my children fall asleep to the sounds of me and dh boringly chatting away over cups of tea
What extra things do you do to show your children you love them?

We both take ds age 4 to bed most nights and dh and ds will 'hide' from me under the covers.We regularly all watch a film together under a blanket.We tell ds several times a day that we love him.

I do the warming his clothes/pjs on the radiator when it’s cold. It’s something I remember my mum doing and it always made me feel really looked after (if that makes sense).

He’s a bit of a grump in the mornings so I wake him up with silly songs I’ve made up.

I’ve turned the stair walls into his own art gallery.

He’s 4 and it’s just us 2 at home so when I do the food shop we decide on meals together rather than me just doing a meal plan and saying eat it - would probably be more difficult if I had a few kids with different tastes though.

They’re just little things but hopefully he remembers them when he grows up.

I love all these lovely posts! Just asked DS how he knows I love him and he said "You just do Mummy because you always tell me"

I make sure we take time to laugh together every day so pulling faces, chasing each other, tickling and we have a disco every day (we’ve got a disco bulb which was less than a fiver - his mates love it) always ends with big cuddles, compliments and kisses.

I feel like it’s my job to give ds a really happy childhood and to get him into the habit of laughing every day.

Such a lovely thread! I made up personalised lullabies with their names in they were babies - they are mostly too cool for this sort of thing nowadays, but still ask for their “special song” when tired or ill.

On the subject of waking up, I remember the very stern matron we had in my junior boarding house when I was 10, who would march round and wake us up with a clanging bell and (if you didn’t wake up immediately) a blast of icy water from a jug. Mrs C———-, if you are still out there we have not forgotten

I believe something called pastoral care was invented later!

Hot choc with marshmallows when it's autumnal or wintry.

This thread is lush. I'm now NC with my parents/ they're NC with us because of issues in childhood and not feeling listened to etc.

I have a DSD and I try to always make sure she feels heard, and ask her how she feels about situations rather than trying to impart my own views on her. I try to always be enthusiastic about what she's saying even though as others have said, it may bore me to tears at times (any more chats about paw patrol anyone?). If I see something I think she'll like when I'm out I'll buy it for her and then she has it when she next comes round so she knows we're thinking of her even when she's with her Mum. She loves looking through photos we've taken of her / each other so yesterday she helped me make the photo calendar for 2019 which we now can all appreciate throughout the coming year.

Apologise to them if we got too angry, or angry with them for the wrong reason

This really resonated with me. My own parents never ever apologised growing up. It really grated and is one of the many reasons we're now NC. I make a point of always trying to apologise to DSD / DP if I overstep the line, get grumpy etc. I think it's so important to teach them we all have to apologise not just DC / those younger than us. But also I think it's important for them to know we all get grumpy and that's okay as long as we apologise or don't go too far with it if that makes sense

I iron theirs clothes as I go, so it’s toasty warm to put on. If they’re not ready to wear it, I pop it on the radiator to keep warm.
Hot water bottles in bed in the winter.

I try to listen to them and not judge.

Listen to her.
Ask questions about her day.
Support her friendships by fun play dates.
Tell her I enjoy her company.
Plan special days out for just the two of us.
In essence all the things I wish my mum had done for me.

My DD is 14 so I probably should have stopped many of these!

Warm up her clothes on a cold day(pyjamas or school uniform)

Wake her up by lying down with her and giving her a cuddle

Make her breakfast (even though it is toast and she could do it herself). On a Saturday I get out of bed earlier to make one of her favourite breakfasts

Make a hot chocolate for when she's walked in the door on cold/rainy days

Have dinner at the table together with no phones to really talk

Stroke her hair when we watch tv together

Randomly take her out to her favourite restaurant- just me and her

Always have 5 mins on her bed before she goes to sleep to talk about the next day and what we are doing

Have a dance in the kitchen together when doing chores

She came home a few weeks ago upset, and really hugged me tight. I was worried something was wrong, but she said that she was really glad I was her mom as I love her so much. They were talking at school and she said how much I tell her I love her, hug her and do things for her - sadly many of the children seemed really surprised and told her how lucky she was.

I tell my five year old I her I love her several times a day. If she asks for a kiss or a cuddle I drop whatever I am doing immediately to oblige.

I also ‘send smiles’. If we are across the room from each other for example I will just look across, catch her eye and send a loving smile her way. She will ALWAYS smile back even if she is feeling cross for some reason..

Lunchbox notes. Drawing a face on their bananas or oranges. Surprise new cute / scented erasers or smiggle pencils or something in their pencil cases on the day of a test or when I know something is difficult at school (or just because).

I intentionally say nice things about them to dh or others, when they're in earshot but not in the conversation.

I always bring something back for them if I've been working 'away', even if it was just a day trip and I'm home by the usual time. Sometimes a souvenir if I'm somewhere they'd find interesting, but more often a cookie from a bakery in another town, or a magazine from the train station, doesn't really matter what it is. Just something that hopefully conveys 'wherever I go, I'm thinking of you.'

DS is only one so I don't have that many of my own yet (unless you count reading spot goes to the bloody farm 15 times in a row and still sounding cheerful)

One my mum did for me though was letters and postcards. I used to spend lots of time staying with my grandparents during the holidays as both my parents worked and I used to get a letter almost every other day. They would be silly and funny and sometimes she would write little poems or stories but I loved them all. Once her and my dad were going on a weekend away, I made some comment about the letters and she didn't send me a single one... instead the rabbit got a postcard as did my toy cat, and the plant in the dining room, and the wood louse that lived under the stairs... and so on each addressee getting more and more ridiculous, each one ended with 'give our love to Gawky'

I love my mum.

They’re in their late teens now, so a bit of extra cash now and again, if they’re going to be out late I put a hot water bottle in their beds when I make mine, and I leave some sandwiches in the fridge, buy them a little treat when I’m getting the shopping.

I went to everything the school did, made packed lunches till they left school, sent them an IM when they were on the school bus to ask about their day and say “love you”, always had an after school snack ready when they got home.

Lovely ideas here, bumping for the evening crowd

I love this thread!

What I do to show them I love them : hot porridge on the stove and call it the Magic Porridge Pot after the story. I read the story whilst dishing the porridge out.

Coats, gloves and hats on the radiator before we leave for school and pyjamas on the radiator before their bath.

Cuddles in my bed before getting up.

Always ask about their day.

My youngest gets upset if we are late for school so I always make sure we leave on time; this morning I had soaking wet tights on because I’d no time to dry them!

I’m a single mum and last year I queued for an hour before school doors open to make sure I got a front row seat at the concert. I wanted her to know that even though there weren’t nana, aunt, dad etc there that she could depend on me.

When it's really cold(like it is right now where we live)me or my DH will get up a bit earlier to put the heating on to make sure the house is nice and warm for our DC when they get up out of bed.

When they go to have they're baths we'll stick they're Pj's and they're towel on the radiator to warm up and we'll make sure that the heatings been on for a while so when they get out of the bath the room is warm.

When I used to have to walk our DC back from school(they've moved schools now so go by car)I'd put the heating on(when it was cold) so when we got back the house was warm and I'd get them in and make them hot buttered toast and luxuary hot chocolate whilst they cuddled up on the sofa and watched some tv and in the summer I'd take them Ice lollies and cold drinks for them to have on the walk back home.

Now they go by car and when it's freezing outside we have warm fluffy throws in the car for them to have over they're legs and we make warm drinks for them to have in they're travel mugs.

When my oldest was younger I worked in his Nursery one day a week and taught the DC to cook so that him and his friends got to make cakes,pizza ect once a week(they had had to drop that class because of money)and I did it for free.

I've shared a bed with any and all of my DC when they've been ill or just because they needed me and not only when they were tiny,sometimes they've needed me and they're Dad so there's been 3 of us in the bed.

On they're birthdays they can have a Mcdonalds breakfast and we still do that even on school days,even though it means that me and DH have to be up nearly an hour earlier to sort it out.

There's so many things that we both do and looking back none of those things were done for me or my DH by our parents so I'm quite proud that we've done these things for our DC.

DD 7,5 has apparently been telling her friends, with pride:
"Do you know the best thing my mum ever said? She said 'What's the point in having kids if you're not going to spoil them a bit from time to time!'"