DH driving me mad

[ltoliviabenson]

NC for this.

Around 2 years ago I found out DH was in credit card debt, of around £14,500. Ran up on stupid stuff, personal stuff, minor stuff and all historic. I found out when he let it slip in conversation he had a credit card, until then I was completely unaware.

I felt so betrayed by the lies, upset, but thought ok we could work it out. One day we had a row about money (or the lack of) and he promised he would get better, save up more somehow, get another job etc. He said he'd been burying his hand in the sand about the problem. Not accepting the severity etc. I told him he had 1 year to get a proper plan in place or I would leave him. Not to pay the whole thing off but just a better payment plan.

It's been 12/13 months now and he's making the minimum payments but that's it. It's all just kicked off again because I can't afford to buy a car as I'm supplementing our joint account to make up for the shortfall from his side.

I'm just tired of living with no money, I'm tired of feeling guilty for spending even £10 on myself thinking that could go to better use in the house. Tired of knowing we're not going to have holidays, I'm just so so tired of it all. I resent DH for putting me in this position, is that fair? But what do I do. Do I leave him? I love him so much, but it's been a whole year and he hasn't done much. Surely with the threat of me leaving him, he could have done something.

I've been saving up money, just a little each month, to ensure we have a rainy day fund. I could help him pay it off with this money but I've tried so hard to save it. And then not having a rainy day fun scares me.

Just to add - he did get a second part time job but he has to get approval from the first job, and they didn't give it which meant he had to leave in the first month. And he works shifts so difficult to get another second job. Which I do understand.

Not sure what else he can do. Not sure what I want from him. Not sure what anyone can tell me. I just needed somewhere to write it all down. I haven't told anyone in RL about this. No friends, not even my mum. Partly because I'm ashamed, and embarrassed. Partly because he doesn't want people to think differently of him.

Done

The debt is currently interest free, no loan is cheaper than that.

OP If the debt was run up due to his personal overspending, he needs to repay it. The extra money you have saved, could you use that to spend on yourself, so it doesn't feel like you are being punished due to his overspending?

If you sorted your budget a year ago, that means he could afford the minimum payment then, plus a bit extra. He needs to keep the amount repaid constant, rather than letting it reduce as the minimum payment reduces as this makes a huge amount of difference to the time to repay - something like 3 years instead of 20 years. Plus he needs to send any extra money from pay rises, bonuses etc towards the debt. If he can't get a second job on top of his existing job, can he get a better paid job elsewhere, or somewhere that will allow him to work more?

How long will it take him to pay back, based on the debt remaining interest free, and him keeping up the current level of repayment?

If he really has changed and will stick to the plan, it could be paid off in a couple of years, and then you'll have quite a bit more money left each month - the light at the end of the tunnel.

If it’s interest free debt then ignore my previous advice, he should be paying as much as possible every month to clear this debt.