How to get over precious objects getting broken

[BasketsofPenguins]

I had two figurines which I inherited form my nanna. They wouldn't normally be my taste but they were very special to my nanna. I also grew up in care for most of my life so I don't have many things (photos etc) from my birth family so this figures have always been very special to me.

DP came over yesterday while the DCs are at their dad's and was helping me do a massive clean of the house. She went to move they cabinet that the figurines where in but she pushed too hard and the whole thing fell over and the figurines smashed. I was in another room at the time and heard the bang. I went to see what had happened and DP was trying to pick up the bits with her hands so that I didn't see the damage and get upset. But the process she was cutting her fingers with the sharp damaged bits.

So I tried to remain calm and kind of pushed to the back of my mind what had happened. I took DP to a Dr friend of mine who said some of the cuts were too deep and she would need stitches. We then spent most of last night in A&E. Didn't get back till the early hours of this morning. So I just shut the door on the mess and left it till today.

So now I need to tidy up the mess but every time I start I get really upset. I am trying to not show DP how upset I am because I know she feels really bad about it. She knows how much they meant to me and she is already really sorry about it and I don't want her to feel worse. But when I look at them I want to burst into tears.

I know its stupid they were only figurines and I just need to tidy them up before the DCs get home but I just can't seem to bring myself to do it.

The figuerines were never going to last forever. Your Nan will live in your heart forever, though.

How on earth did your partner cut her hands so badly that she needed stitches picking up the pieces?!?

Anyway, sounds like you need to have a really good cry about everything. I’m sorry your precious things got broken.

It’s totally not stupid to be upset. They meant a lot to you.

Have your cry.

My son when younger likes to climb and fling stuff out of cupboards at a height onto the floor. It was a tiresum stage.

He got a hold of something precious and smashed it. It was a sink to the floor moment and cry like a baby. Snotty nose and everything.

I felt better after that oddly.

Could you maybe find replicas. I know they're not 'those' ones but your nanna liked them.

It’s horrible when sentimental items get broken but these things happen.

How on earth did she cut her hands that badly just be lifting broken bits!?

Thanks for replying I am going to just go in there and do it and hopefully if I have a really good cry while i'm doing it I will feel better.

DP was trying to pick up the pieces as quickly as possible and caught herself on some as she was doing it one cut in particular was quite deep and wouldn't stop bleeding which is why I took her to my friend who suggested stitches.

There is a chance you can source replacements of ebay, it's something I did and it did help/fix the issue

I understand why you are so upset, they were more than just figurines to you. They were a tangible reminder of your family. Could you salvage the heads, and put them away in a memory box? That way you would still have recognisable pieces, and wouldn’t have to throw them away completely. Although it’s obviously not the same as having them intact, you would still have the comfort of being able to touch something your Nan touched and loved.

I agree that a good cry would do you good, you are entitled to be upset and emotional.

I agree with PP - have your cry. You need the catharsis.

Then sweep up what you can. There is an incredibly beautiful Japanese art called kintsugi, which is the art of repairing broken pottery with gold. It represents the concept of recognising breakage as part of the history of an object, to be recognised and celebrated. It may be possible to salvage at least part of one or both figurines.

I agree with all the advice above. Definitely have a cry. Have a big cry (warn your DP beforehand if you need to) and let it all out.

It won't make you automatically be 'over it' but I can assure you that you will feel a lot better, and you will feel much better over it with time.

Ultimately it's the love from your Nanna that will stay with you, material things don't last just the same as we ourselves don't last. And that's really hard to face, but face it we must

I friend of mine was helping me minimise and declutter. She was vital support in some pretty massive and important changes I made in my life.

Somehow during this process she put a hand knitted (croched) blanket, made by my mum , on a hot wash and ruined it. Six years on I'm still devastated. My mum is disabled - her days of crafting these things are over and I don't have anything else she made.

I still feel really sad about it. My friend did something pretty stupid (she knows how to handle delicate fabrics etc) but there was no ill intent. It was an accident.

It's ok to feel sad. But it was an accident so ultimately focus on letting go.

Another vote for having a good cry! Maybe even in front of your DP (if she's still there)? In a sense it might help to get it all out and say, "I'm really sad but I know you didn't do it on purpose" and for her to say "I'm so sorry and I'm here to support you" rather than both putting a brave face on it, if that makes sense? If she knows you're upset it probably won't make her feel better to see you pretending (and may even make her feel worse)

for how upsetting this must be, I have a couple of treasured objects from a late relative and have been distraught when lost/broken.

Could you try and find a "similar" replacement when you feel up to it. I found it helped to do something to mark the occasion. Perhaps go out and have a lunch that you know your nan would have enjoyed (e.g. in a cafe that is very 'her') and then go to some second hand/brick a brac shops and find something of a similar vintage? Would your DP or DC come along and make it feel like a positive step to remembering your nan instead of a 'second best' option?

Put the broken pieces in some beautiful bottles so you still have them? Or crush them and have them set in acrylic?

I’m sorry they got broken, agree with PPs about having a good cry! If you’re in to jewellery, there’s loads of videos online about turning broken China in to pendants etc, or you could find replacements for them on eBay maybe?

Because it is the items themselves that hold such sentimental value what about a way to store the broken bits. Maybe a glass vase or a special box or similar. That way you can hold onto the memories attached to them.

Keep all the bits in a box. Maybe when you look closely you will find that actually the pieces are bigger than you think and something can be salvaged. Don't put them in the bin for now.

I have a lot of really previous things from my grandmother that were given to her by people that she loved so I know how devastating it can be when this stuff gets lost or broken. Nothing I can suggest to fix it. Just cry and move on. We hold onto these things in an attempt to keep alive the people they belonged to but the truth is they died a long time ago and it’s not about the figurines. Replacing them won’t help and keeping the piece will just remind you that you can’t have back what you have lost. Sorry that wasn’t very helpful .

Oh I am sorry. Hope you have had a really good cry by now. Keep the bits. Agree with previous posters you might salvage something or put in beautiful glass jar etc. Your nana would understand. Hope your dp is ok she must be feeling awful too. At some point this could turn into one of those things where you both
Manage to cry and laugh about it together all at the same time. YANBU.

Oh love im so sorry. I try and tell my dc it is a thing and not the person you miss. Mind you I recalled to dd2 today that at my grandparents house my cousins and I all had our own special cups for when we visited. Iirc mine was broken in my house in Leicester some years later. My best friend and I went to Disney about 12 years ago. The irreplaceable mugs we bought there matching have all been destroyed too. It's a bit shit really.

Due to this thread I've been and moved a hand crochet blanket and a glass vase out of paranoia!