Opinions please?

[pancakemaster]

Hi, I wanted to ask everyone’s opinion on something I worry about quit a lot. Might be a bit long but stick with me please.

So when I was 17 I met DD’s dad, we worked near each other, we had a two month fling which resulted in DD, when I first told him I was pregnant he was fine and said he would support me but then he just sort of disappeared and I didn’t hear from him till 6 months later when he told me his mum and sister wanted to meet me (I’d never met any of his family before). I went to his mums house with him and met his family, I found out from them that he actually had a girlfriend and this is why he had disappeared on me. Anyway my daughter was born, my DD’s dad stayed with his GF, he didn’t see much of my DD at all because obviously his GF was uncomfortable with it. I stayed good friends with all his family but kept my distance from him so as not to upset his GF.

Fast forward two years and my DD’s Dad’s older brother, who also worked near me (it’s a big site with lots of different businesses on it), and I became very good friends. When I would drop DD round to his mums to see her Dad, we would chat and laugh together. We would meet up everyday at work and chat and eventually started meeting up outside work. Long story short we fell for each other.

After a while we told everyone about our relationship and everyone has been totally fine with it, both sides of the family and all our friends have always been happy for us. We both went through a lot of shit in our teen years and they are glad we have found each other and made each other happy. My DD’s dad has always been happy for us and never had anything negative to say about our relationship.

Another 8 years down the line (my DD has just turned 10) and we are now married with a DS (2) of our own and contemplating having one more DC soon! I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, so is my DH and my two DC’s are very happy, loved children.

The problem is, I really worry that when my children grow up and realise that it’s not really the norm that they are going to hate me and not want anything to do with me, it really worries me a lot. It’s even putting me off having another child because I worry that all my children are going to hate me over it. Do you think I’m being silly or do you think my concerns are justified?

I’d say you are lucky to have found such happiness in a pretty shit situation.
Does your dd know her dad? Does she realise her uncle is now her stepdad? I’d be clear from when she’s young. Secrets always come out and keeping them is more stressful. There are all kinds of families. Explain the dynamic of yours really clearly. Good luck!

@icelollycraving thanks for replying, yes she does know her Dad, their relationship has improved over the years and she fully knows the situation and is fine with it at the moment, I just worry for when she's older.

Bump

I don't think there's anything for you to worry about. Your children and loved that's all that matters to them.

*are

Yip as long as you are open and honest with them, which it sounds like you have been then nothing to worry about.
They are loved that's the main thing.

Why would they hate you. Loads of people have complicated family relationships. As long as you are honest with the children about who is who's dad etc.

@Doubletrouble99 I think I feel like they'll hate me for putting them in a not normal situation that they had no control over, I know it's probably an irrational fear. I think I just needed to see other people who aren't biased and won't just tell me what I want to hear say that it will be ok for me to finally believe it, thank you for replying xx

Thank you everyone for your replies, I am starting to feel a bit less worried now x

You're not being silly OP but in the kindest, nicest way you are definitely worrying unnecessarily and overthinking this. And yes, it's an irrational fear.
From what you say, everyone is happy and there's no stress about the situation - why on earth would your children hate you? All they want is to be loved, feel secure, and be looked after. And clearly they are.

@TwitterQueen1 thank you x