Namechanged because this is embarrassingly personal. And long. Sorry.
DP and I have been trying to conceive DC2 for a year now. I just turned 40 a few days ago and have dd(3) already.
I became pregnant in May, but my scan at 11 weeks in August revealed that the baby had died at 9 weeks, and I had the surgical procedure d&c. We couldn’t try to conceive again the following month because I had to fit in an annual colonoscopy, and then the month just gone we tried but my period started today so no joy.
For most people this would be a case of just trying again next month until we either are lucky or accept that it isn’t going to happen for us. But the added issue for us is that DP in the last month got an unexpected new job based partly in the Far East, so for at least part of every month he’ll be in a high Zika area and at risk. The advice is strongly to not to try to conceive for 6 months after visiting such an area. But there won’t be even a 1 month free time for at least a year. He has to take the job - his last job was ending and he is v.specialised, this was the best role going. The only way around it we could think of was for him to freeze some sperm and for me to try IUI. There wasn’t much time between the new job offer and him leaving, so he was able to donate enough for about 3 attempts, maybe more if we’re lucky. And then nothing, I guess.
I don’t know why i’m Posting here really. I really doubt anyone else is in a similar situation, so i’m not looking for empathy, just maybe for someone to talk to about it. It seems so private I can’t really talk to anyone except DH about it, and he is (of course) abroad at the moment. And I can’t moan to him because he is travelling half way across the world to start a stressful new job, and has suffered serious depression. I have to breezily say it will all be fine.
But meanwhile I have to look after dd who is now in pre-school rather than her old private nursery and is out by 12 or 2 every day and no childminders in the area apparently have any spaces, work (fortunately currently from home due to childcare issue), visit schools for next years admissions, try to manage visiting London for the last preliminary fertility clinic tests, attend other hospitals for (thankfully negative) colonoscopy and skin biopsy tests and their follow-up appointment, all off which without pissing off my quite understanding boss too much because the actual fertility treatments haven’t even begun yet and that is going to be a nightmare of logistics, organise our wedding in 3 weeks (thankfully low key, but I hate being centre of attention), have virtually no adult conversation because my friends live 200 miles away and aren’t really phoners, try to sort out the house which has suffered from my having all the above to do rather than housework, and if I’m being brutally honest, try not to think about how terrified I am of another miscarriage, or having to TFMR due to our ages causing genetic problems, or such problems going undetected and dd having to share her life with a sibling who needed so much more care that our currently lovely girl was lost, or of not getting pregnant at all after so much time and money wasted. I’m aware none of these are rational, I could just really do with a handhold right now. I’m sorry. Does anyone have any sage advice?