First time here and I need some serious help.
Here’s the story:
To start at beginning, when we had our first child it was really traumatic and the doctors almost lost both my son and I. Thankfully, we were both ok! That first night in the hospital my husband said he couldn’t handle it (the crying baby and having to have to pick him up as I had had a csection) He left the hospital to go home and sleep. I felt completely abandoned and we have had several discussions over the years about that. I was empathetic and tried to understand his point and had written it off as a lapse of his judgment and moved on.
Flash forward to last year,
My husband and I were expecting and received a possible Down Syndrome Diagnosis. My husband wanted to abort. I did not. I’m not saying either is right or wrong, as I understand is a big sea of grey!
However, it came to the point that he said if I continued the pregnancy he would leave. I told him I was keeping it.
However, our daughter was stillborn due to complications.
It all happened so fast and after having time to grieve the initial emotions and the heavy loss, I’ve been reflecting.
I no longer trust him to be there when things get tough. How can we have a future now?
I told him I again felt totally abandoned and he says he never got the opportunity to “change his mind” and step up. I can agree to that but had I gone through with the abortion there wouldn’t have been that opportunity either.
The big issue here is is it possible to believe he will always be there or am I holding out hope for an impossible marriage. We have 2 other children and as much as I would hate to break up the family, I don’t think I can get over these abandonments and fully trust him. Thoughts are greatly appreciated! Looking for outside opinions. Thank you!