How do you get past the loss of a longtime friendship

[Ownerofalittlechimp]

my oldest friend (25 years), I call her A & I have had a falling out. I’ve come to the realisation that it’s generally very one sided & I’ve been doing all the initiating/ running for a number of years.

So after this latest episode I’ve decided enough is enough. Oh has pointed out that the same thing happens every 6 mths or so & I’m then anxious & stressed trying to get back in A’s good books, even when I’m not at fault (A will randomly decide I’ve done or said something to upset her eg sending anonymous texts & emails alleging her dh is cheating).

I’ve not been in contact with her as I normally would after these fall outs, have unfollowed on social media etc. I know it’s the right decision but I miss her & feel sad that it’s done if that makes sense.

Oh says just forget everything & carry on but I’m struggling. Am I being too sensitive?

Has anyone else been through something similar, how did you deal with it?

Thanks in advance

What are you actually missing because she doesn’t sound like much of a friend! Is she good company when you are with her and she’s not accusing you of random things?
Your OH sounds like he’s a bit fed up with it all and clearly can’t understand what it is that upsets you. I get that she’s an old friend and you’ll have a lot of history together but you seem desperate for her approval? If anyone accused me of sending anonymous texts without proof I’d be livid and wouldn’t be in any rush to make any effort with them again.

Sorry think my post may sound a bit harsh and don’t mean it to. I suppose you need to grieve for the friendship and that she wasn’t quite the friend she perhaps once was or should be. I can see why your DH is frustrated though. It seems a bit of a frustrating cycle.

It’s fine KMo, I didn’t think it was too harsh, I probably need it tbh. Oh has known her the same amount of time & he says she’s different since meeting her dh. I think I’ve been way more forgiving of her behaviour because of how long we’ve been friends, she literally knows everything about me & no one else does (childhood trauma, abusive relationship prior to oh).

We do get on well & have a good laugh when we are in each other’s company.

I also feel stupid tbh that it’s taken me this long to see sense & im annoyed that I’ve frustrated oh too although he says he’s more bothered about the effect A has on me when these things happen

Thank you for your response

Yes it sounds like he sees how the relationship affects you and just wants to protect you from it. Give yourself some time to mourn the loss but accept that it is over. Entirely normal to feel sad about it and i don’t think you’re being too sensitive but it’s time to put yourself first.

I don’t know how long it’s been since you heard from her but the longer it goes with no contact the more it tells you. Put your energies into making new friends or building on relationships with exosotong friends.

Existing sorry.