So I have 3 girls and my mother has never had much to do with them unless I take them to her. She doesn’t make the effort to come to us and she never asks if she can take them out or see them and because of this she doesn’t have much of a relationship with them. A couple of years ago we went on a big family holiday and she felt the need to continually tell my children not to do things she didn’t feel were appropriate- such as touching things in shops. I asked her not to do this as I feel it’s my job alone, and she complied. She later told me that she couldn’t wait to get away from me and the kids and she would never go on holiday with me again. She would continue to go away with my sister though as she’s allowed to shout at her kids whenever she wants.
Obviously this infuriated me and we fell out for a while.
Last year my dad left her for someone else. He’d had enough of her controlling ways. She immediately came to my house- the first time in years- and told me that she couldn’t live alone and that me and my sister would have to share her. You can imagine what I wanted to say- but I didn’t- I went along with it because she was so upset, and hoped she’d eventually be ok with living alone. She had to have someone with her at all times during this period. My sisters children took it in turns staying over for the night at first and then she messaged me asking when mine would be staying. Well of course I said they wouldn’t. They had never stayed before and wouldn’t be comfortable staying now. She wouldn’t have all 3 of them at once. That would be too much hard work for her. She just wanted one of them. Still I said no. She started coming round for dinner a couple of times a week so she wouldn’t be alone. She began to make an effort with the kids. I tried to encourage her to get out more and see friends so she wouldn’t be so lonely. When I said this she replied that she had no friends because she’d chosen her family. I literally had no words to reply.
After 2 weeks my dad returned and immediately she returned to her usual self. No longer asked to come for dinner or see the kids. She now regularly tells me she doesn’t know my children and that this is all my fault. I strongly disagree.
Now Xmas is here and she recently messaged asking what I’d like her to get the children. I mentioned some toys that they may like and said I could go to Smyths with her if she wanted. She replied that she wasn’t getting them toys. She was going to next and wanted to get them clothes. Ok. Fair enough. I mentioned that my 2 older girls would probably prefer something from river island but next clothes would be great for my youngest.
She looked at me like my daughters were spoiled brats because I had implied that the clothes at next were no longer what they liked to wear. She then said she hates the town centre where river island is located and wouldn’t be going there for anything. I would have to send her links for stuff. I don’t mind sending links. Whatever. The point of my thread is to ask if anyone thinks I’m being unreasonable in thinking that she’s just a selfish, overpowering woman who wants everything her own way. She seriously makes me question my own integrity when I feel I have done nothing wrong.
Surely she should want to spend time with her grandchildren, surely she should want to get them gifts they would like. Surely it’s my job to discipline them and not hers??
Any advice on how to deal with her would be appreciated.