surprise wedding

[Kannet]

Does anyone know anyone who actually organised a surprise wedding, or are they just something from soaps and magazines.

A friend is considering doing one on her dps significant birthday next year

I'm just not sure how i feel about them, surely it puts a lot of pressure on the other person to agree.

Don’t you both have to give notice a minimum of 30 days before? Think she could do a ceremony but it won’t be legal with a registrar there.

She's thinking about organising it on a family holiday. Not sure of the ins and outs but apparently it can be done, maybe paperwork is arranged through the holiday company.

Yes I've just been on a surprise wedding which took place abroad (in a British colony) organised by the groom to be. He did tell her 6 weeks beforehand so she could sort out a dress but it was one of the loveliest weddings I've ever been to.

He did use a wedding planner and they did have to sign paperwork at the registrars the day before the actual wedding though.

See six weeks notice is ok. At least it's something. Her rough plan is to tell him on the day, maybe she would have to tell him the day before. They are going on a big holiday with his parents and siblings, she wants to invite her parents and siblings to stay in a nearby villa and then just surprise him.

They have been together for a long time and have one dc, but I think it just feels like a lot of pressure on him. How do you refuse when all the family have flown in.

She says the only reason they aren't married is because the idea of organising it puts him off. They do seem happy so maybe it's a great idea, but I just could not imagine being put on the spot like that

Ah I see that could be lovely then. As long as they are both on the same page for marriage and they have spoken about it as something they both want then think it could be a nice idea

Oh gosh I can see that going badly wrong. Sound like she's desperate to get married and he isn't. She's hoping hell get swept along with the iccasssion and family pressure and do it anyway. If someone did that to me it would finish the relationship

What greeneggs said.
It seems very manipulative to me.

What if he's using the 'can't be arsed organising it' as an excuse? No way in hell would I do this to a partner. It's controlling and manipulative.

I kind of like the idea of it but would never be able to handle it IRL as I want input into what the day is like.
Hopefully your friends DP doesn't mind.

I'm not convinced she will go ahead with it. I know in her heart of hearts she wants a romantic proposal and a traditional day.

I’ve never been to one that was a surprise for the bride or groom, but I did go to a very fancy ‘engagement party’ which actually turned out to be a secret wedding.
Not sure if they’d started planning it and just thought they were spending so much they might as well marry, or if they had always intended to do it but actually it worked absolutely brilliantly.

Now that does sound romantic. The wedding you want with none of the family angst

I don't get it. Surely it's something you enter into together by agreement and discuss it

It shouldn't be forced on you as a surprise on the day. Bit insane unless you have applied for a tv show where it's expected you'll marry

I’ve been to one where the groom had organised a very different wedding than the bride thought, but there was a whole backstory and it was perfect (although stressful in preparation). But the bride definitely wanted to get married.

Before getting married abroad you both have to go to see a solicitor and make a legal declaration to say you are free to marry, which has to be given to the relevant people marrying you.

Sounds awful.

I think public proposals are manipulative and unkind.

This is a public proposal with even more pressure piled on.

We had a surprise wedding in that we knew it was a wedding but none of our guests did (we invited them to my birthday lunch). I can’t see how you can have one where one of the parties getting married doesn’t know it’s happening though - they’d have to give notice beforehand. It sounds pretty horrible to fly a whole load of family in for it and present it as a fait accompli to the other party (particularly if they’re reluctant) so they feel they have no choice. It would probably be the end of the relationship if someone did that to me.

I do know one couple who kind of did this - they had been together for 20 or so years and had 3 children and had agreed on getting married but had never bothered. The husband arranged a big get together of their friends and presented it to his wife that morning as a “wedding” and they had a jolly party. It wasn’t legal though, and they did end up getting married some time later. I don’t know how she felt about it at the time as I only met them after the event.

Oh gosh I can see that going badly wrong. Sound like she's desperate to get married and he isn't. She's hoping hell get swept along with the iccasssion and family pressure and do it anyway. If someone did that to me it would finish the relationship

^This. Also why would he want to get married on his birthday? Your friends plan is awful!

If you look down the list of FAQS here: can I book a surprise wedding for my fiance? The answer is no as you both have to give notice before you can marry. It will be the same at any UK Council.

Perhaps you mean a surprise proposal?

Just a thought. They could have a smaller uk wedding

Use the holiday as their honeymoon and have all the grandparents there to look after dc while they honeymoon

I didn't think it would be possible, she's adamant it is. Maybe they could only have a blessing/non legal ceremony. It just does not sit well with me.

I think she had watched too many romantic films.

We had a surprise wedding in that we knew it was a wedding but none of our guests did

That’s really lovely. Also totally different to the situation here which is a terrible idea.

I’m guessing she’s been wanting him to propose for a little while and has got fed up of waiting?

Sounds like an awful idea, and as a PP said very manipulative. If a couple can't even commit to the idea of being engaged and organising a wedding that works for both of them then I don't really see how their relationship is really strong enough for marriage.

I think what would be better (but imo is still manipulative) is for your friend to organise the wedding in principle (I.e. book dates and venues etc) and then ask her partner of this is something that he would like to do with minimal input expected of him (if the organising really is his gripe).

Why doesn't she just suggest an elopement with just the two of them and some random witnesses - Vegas perhaps? Then all pressure is off.

Friends of my parents that met and married when they were older. They wanted a relatively small dinner and party with their best friends, nothing else. They packaged it as a birthday party for one of them but got married just themselves a few weeks previously then had this party. My parents thought it was the most brilliant wedding as everyone was so excited and delighted when they were told the real reason any of the usual politics of who is sitting where etc were completely forgotten. Maybe they could do something like that.

My parents had a surprise wedding but they both knew they were getting married. On my Dads 40th birthday. Guests thought it was his party. I wanted to do something similar and regret that I didn't. But I don't think you can actually surprise the bride or groom as you have to go and give your notices a month before the wedding. You are both interviewed separately to check that you are free and willing to marry.