Would you change your will if your daughter married someone you didn't like or trust?

[Vivaldi1678]

My cousin's daughter is in a relationship with a controlling man. Her daughter used to be close to all of the family but abruptly cut them off entirely for six months, ignoring texts and calls. She now has occasional contact, her daughter will speak occasionally or text thank you for any birthday gifts etc (cousin can only give money as she has bank account details from when she supported her as a student but no address as daughter moved without giving it to her). Daughter has also cut off from all of her friends.

Cousin has recently found out that daughter married over 6 months ago and is thinking of changing her will, maybe by leaving daughter's share to her children or trying to set up some sort of trust. She doesn't want her son in law to have access to any of her money or assets. On the other hand, she doesn't want her daughter to feel unloved or excluded. She has three other children. She is very wealthy.

My cousin is in her 60s and, so far as I know, in good health, so not a pressing issue in some respects, although we never know what is round the corner.

So, should she change her will and, if she does so, should she tell her daughter?

Definitely. Get it protected in some way

Without a doubt.

Yes, definitely change the will.

Can she ringfence a lump sum for daughter, or put it in a trust (I know nothing about these matters)?

Thank you for your replies and the consensus appears to be to try to change the will in some way.

But do you think that if she does change it, she should tell her daughter, which may cause a deeper rift and a lot of hurt? She may never need to tell her if the daughter's relationship doesn't last but, in a worse case scenario, would her daughter be even more hurt if her mum changed her will without telling her?

I would strongly recommend a trust with someone she trusts acting as trustee. That way of the daughter feels like she needs to leave the relationship she can (while she couldn’t if the funds were left to her children).

She does not need to tell her daughter (or anyone else) about changing her will. A will is a private document. It only becomes public after probate has been granted.

She can phrase it as 'out of love and concern, to protect x from potential disadvantage'. She could do the same for the others, but make it clear to the executor that she has no concerns about them.

Yes. Discretionary trust? (not a lawyer).
Can include covering letter explaining reasons.

I would change it and she can and probably should leave some explanation in her will if for no other reason than to prevent her (or her husband) trying to dispute the will.

No need to tell her daughter anything, especially as her daughter isn't being exactly open with her mother.

I would make clear that it has been done as a protective measure. It's not to punish her, but to protect her from exploitation.

I know someone whose been left money, but it's tied up in some way because her first husband had wiped her out in their marriage and divorce.

Thank you everybody. I think I need to consult a solicitor.

If the daughter can’t be arsed to contact her mother, then she doesn’t deserve to be included in the will, in my opinion.

Well I know I myself criticised the daughter for not keeping in touch, but I was wrong. Abusers do try and often succeed in alienating their victims from the families and friends.