I don't have any friends

[username6854]

I don't really know why I'm writing this I think I'm just lonely and wondering if anyone else is in a similar position.
I do have a fairly big family including DH and DS. So it's not that I don't have any social life. I am quite a shy awkward person and for some reason can't hold friendship relationships very well. It's always been in the back of my mind but since being on maternity leave with DS I have felt lonely especially at baby groups. On social media as well all my mum 'friends' on there go on play dates with each other.
I know in a way it's my fault I often find people overbearing. In my head I would love to have a coffee and a chat with other mums at a play group once a week say and that would be great.
But often the reason I have caused is friendships to end is due to friends then suggesting do more. Due to this I become distant put off seeing them. My only explanation for this is I do have a big family and I find trying to fit them all in sometimes too much. Prepared to be told I sound mad.

Not mad at all.
I also have a big family and I don't have many friends.
I allocate a lot of my free time to see family and so there isn't that much time to see friends. Sounds similar to you.
I'm quite shy. I'm ok with the small talk at the beginning. But find it difficult to have long lasting friendships
I'm just a bit awkward sometimes and I think it scares people away

Sorry I made that about myself there- typical me thing to do. Possibly why I don't have many friends.

It's really tough. I think in a way, being a new mum makes it easier to meet people and make friends. But actually it's really hard to make deeper and meaningful friendships.

Thanks @Namechanger55555 it's nice to hear from someone who understands/is similar. It's true I probably have had more opportunities to make mums friends at baby groups. For some reason I become really awkward and never know what to say. They probably see me as the weird one in the groups

Similar here - though I've never observed anyone at a baby group who seemed to really want to make new friends, everyone is preoccupied with their own dc and conversation never gets beyond a token is yours crawling yet, how old are they, etc. That said I'm hardly a beacon of social expertise so it may just be floating under my radar. I sure no-one thinks you're weird for being a bit awkward in an odd setting for talking.

Past friends have been those who talk constantly so that I don't have to. I have a fairly extensive in law family so that compensates for lack of social contact, but it can be lonely when all you've heard all day is mummy, I want, mummy, waaah, mummy, mummy etc.